What does it sound like when a vampire sneezes?
Nosfer-AACHOO!
Why aren't French fries actually cooked in France?
Because they are cooked in Greece
What's the price difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A beer nut costs 4.99 and a deer nut is under a buck
Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam
My dog just swallowed some coins! Very worried, I'm monitoring him closely, but there's still no change.
What is the difference between a Vietnamese restaurant and an Indian restaurant ?One is Pho profit and the other is Naan profit.
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/u/gssap [link] [comments] I saw an army of babies marching down the street.
It had to be the infantry.
My father always said, "When one door closes another one opens."
He was a terrific father and a terrible cabinet maker.
What did the sushi say to the Bee?
Wasbi!
My son had just ordered some Chinese food and I asked him what he had...he said 'chicken balls'
I said 'I meant for dinner'
I bet you’ve never had a hamburger on an airplane. Right?
Because it’s ground beef.
How much does a pirate pay for 100 ears of corn?
$103.14. A buck an ear, plus the pi-rate tax!
How would you scare a bee!?
BOO-BEES!
What's the best mountain to go take a nap on?
Mount Ever-rest
The country with the largest number of parks in the world is Korea.
As a matter of fact, I'm good friends with five of them.
I stormed out of the diner when they said they were out of bread.
I am lack toast intolerant.
Friends.
My friend keeps saying 'cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
I'm riding along in the car and told everyone "I'm easily the funniest person in my life"
Everyone laughed, proving my point.
I got one of those switch boxes for my CRT TV, so I can connect 8 retro consoles to it at once.
Total game changer.
My dad got me into marionette school.
He had to pull a few strings.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved
What did the man from Puerto Rico say when he couldn't find his mobile?
"Where mofongo?"
If Two Zombies Have A Race, who would win?Neither.
It would be a dead heat.
Here's a fact about The Exorcist (1973) that I bet you didn't know.
It's a work of cruci-fiction.
I’m reading a horror book in braille
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it
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