My friend tattooed his favourite Star Wars character on his cheek.
You should have seen the Luke on his face.
My son got meWe were outside tucking the pets in. It was a beautiful fall evening in Denver. I called him over to admire the brilliant stars in the sky. Low in the north east, one was scintillating. "Look," I said, "see the bright one? That's Vega!".
He pointed to a brilliant light just taking off from Denver International, "Look," he said, "See that bright one? That's Boeing!"
I .. I'm so proud!
What's a whale's favorite food?
A krill cheese sandwich. (via my 8-year-old nephew)
Why is Kim Jong Un so cruel?
Because he have no Seul
Mike Ditka, NFL Legend dead at 86The family has announced who will have the honor of carrying his coffin to his final resting place:
DA pall BEARS
RIP Big Guy
How does the FBI agent stay warm in the winter?
He goes under cover
You know know why eagles must never ever get sick?
Cause it's ill-eagle.
Sauron prefers sedans over coupes
There are More doors
Yesterday I saw a Chinese man in a lobster costume get run over by a bus.
I felt bad for that poor crushed Asian.
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg.
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German Sausage.Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
What did one wall say to another?
Meet me at the cornerđź«Ş
I’m so excited to sleep over at my cannibal girlfriend’s place for the first time tonight.
She said she’s gonna make me breakfast in the morning!
[Warning! 18+]
19
I stumbled across a YouTube channel dedicated to Jewish colonoscopies.
I spent hours going down rabbi holes.
Don’t be freaked out if you unexpectedly run into your French classmate peeking around a corner at the marina.
That’s Pierre, your peer who peered from a pier and simply appeared.
Have you been to the Butt Museum?A lot of people say their exhibits are great.
Personally I think they're anything butt.
One big difference between women and men
is that when a woman says "smell this", it usually smells nice.........
I'm about to spend the afternoon interrogating a duck.
Eventually he'll quack under the pressure.
What do you call a person that can’t pay for transgender reassignment surgery?
Trans-action declined
I accidentally super glued my thumb to my index finger
It's going to be OK for now.
What is a stoner’s favorite cereal?
Weedies
Are you today’s date?
Because you’re a 10/10!
Why did sun and moon broke up?
Because they needed space 🦦
Today’s the best Saturday in a long time
10/10
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