Rofkar Computer Sciences

Booked a hotel room the other day. Walked into my room...yams everywhere.
Yams on the bed, yams on the table, yams in the bathroom.

Went to reception to complain.

Hotel guy said: "Those aren't yams, they're suite potatoes"

After my dad died, I visited his favorite park to scatter his remains. Just as I started, a park ranger came running towards me screaming, “STOP!!! You can’t do that here.” I asked why not and she said…
“You at least have to cremate him first.”

My librarian wouldn't tell me where the "self-help" section is...
... she told me that would defeat the whole purpose.

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with CB Radios.
I think it's over, over.

I’ve started a business building boats in my attic.
Sails are going through the roof.

Tell you what I know about dwarves.
Very little.

A young woman turns to the priest sitting next to her: "Father, may I ask you a favor?
​

"Of course, my daughter, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electric hair dryer for my mother's birthday, and I'm afraid customs will confiscate it. Could you carry it for me through the green lane, under your robes?"

"I am willing, but I must warn you... I do not lie."

"With your honest and honorable face, Father, no one will even ask you."

At the airport, the customs officer asks: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The customs officer thinks this is a strange answer: "And what do you have to declare from the waist down, Father?"

"I have a wonderful instrument designed for a woman's use, but it has, until this day... never been used."

The customs officer bursts out laughing: "Move along, Father!! Next in line!"

I love eye jokes…
the cornea the better.

If anyone here is thinking about getting married, consider the following before you do
submitted by /u/brother_p
[link] [comments]

I flunked my first two horn performance exams.
I probably need a tooter.

The police showed up when my son refused to take a nap…
They charged him with resisting a rest.

Dried grapes are in control of the universe
After all, everything happens for a raisin

This Oktoberfest I created a monster when I dropped a hot dog in my beer.
Frank in Stein.

The dentist and the manicurist had a rough marriage.
They fought tooth and nail...

it finally happened. The stars aligned at the dentist today.
I was at the front desk needing to reschedule my appointment.
Receptionist: "How about tomorrow?"
Me: "Sounds good, what time?"
Receptionist: "2:30."
I locked eyes with her and slowly grinned.
"Are you telling me my dentist appointment is literally Tooth Hurty?"
She completely lost it. I've officially peaked.

People ask if the hardest part of leading a study is tagging all the authors
Honestly? It doesn't bother me et all

A friend of mine called to give me the bad news about our mutual friend, Art, who had died.
A friend of mine called to give me the bad news about our mutual friend, Art, who had died. I asked him what happened and he said that Art had recently been trying to improve his eating habits by becoming a vegetarian, so the other evening he went to a vegan restaurant. I asked, "so, what killed him??"

He said..."Artie choked."

The refs threw a flag on our bulldog mascot after he got loose and ran onto the field, barking like crazy at the other team’s quarterback.
Fifteen yards for ruffing the passer.

Whenever you’re lost or feel unsafe in the woods, you should always rely on big rocks to help you and not little rocks. You know why?
Because big rocks are bolder.

I just returned from the National Condiment Convention.
It was wonderful to ketchup with old friends.

According to a poll that was conducted recently...
Lightning rods work!

I wanted to see a report on alcoholic puns
but all I could find was a rewhisky

The shovel
was a ground-breaking invention.

Another Woman Found Dead in a Bathtub Full of Milk
Police believe it was a cereal killer.

Peruvian owls hunt in pairs
They're Inca hoots.