Did you hear about the scientist who accidentally froze himself to -273.15°C?
In the end, he was 0k
How does a bald man run his fingers through his hair?
He cuts holes in his pockets
I bought a box of animal crackers yesterday but had to take them back.
The seal was broken...
What happens when you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy?
You have a rash of good luck (I was just itching to tell someone.)
What does a hot dog use for protection?
Condoments
Iran just created their own version of Sesame Street. Everything's the same, all the characters are the same, except the Count von Count has been replaced...
...with the Ayatollah Howmany.
Looking for help researching German U-boats
Oops, sorry, wrong sub.
I will be confronting the guy who unplugged my refrigerator…
But I need to let things cool off first.
I used to have an uncontrollable obsession with buying large boats.
Thankfully, the antibuyyachtics worked.
After my neighbor spied on us for months with his telescope, I went to his house and stole his tripod.
It was about time to take a stand.
What do you call an Asian man with a amputated leg?
Lim-ping
What would you call for an injured pig?
A hambulance.
Tequila may not fix your life.
But it’s worth a shot.
Did you hear about the man that circumcised elephants?
The pay wasn't great, but he always got big tips.
What band got really popular after making music with window cleaning products?
The Squee Gees
I for one…
…like Roman numerals
Why did Mr. Information file for divorce?
Because so many people were spreading Ms. Information.
Did you hear about the dishonest accountant?
He was a debit to his profession.
My garden gnome was upset when he didn’t win Yard Decoration Of The Year. But…
He wasn’t even gnomenated.
What do French people call a really bad Thursday?…
…a trajeudi
I am ashamed that my son became an exterior painter.
His career is a stain on this house!
What has tentacles and can't fix your computer problems?
Geek Squid
I’m insecure about going to see a movie by myself.
That’s why I always take a bus.
Did you hear about the murder at IKEA?
Yeah, the police are still piecing it together
What do you call a pizza with just peppers on it?
Pepperonly pizza
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