A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down.He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
I was confused when my wife texted me, “Get home safe, babe.”
We already own a home safe.
Why couldn't the jalapeno practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
I sent an email to CEO of Lego yesterday. He didn't respond.
I think i got blocked
There was once a man named Odd.People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
How do you call 2 ducks that exist but shouldn't ?
A pair o' ducks
I ran a marathon with my Bible in my hands.
Now my Psalms are all sweaty.
Three guys on a boat have 4 cigarettes.
But they have nothing to light them with. So they toss one cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.
Why are dogs terrible at dancing?
They have two left feet.
I brought edibles to my buddy’s dinner party…
He said it’s a potluck!
I've been looking into corruption in the elevator industry and I've discovered...
...it goes all the way to the top.
Told my wife I was going to see the doctor.She said “which doctor?”
I said, “no, a regular one.”
What do you call a pod of musical black and white whales?
An Orca-Stra
Wise wordsME: I hurt my arm carrying that big, heavy can of mineral spirits outside to light the charcoal!
HER: Next time use some lighter fluid….
I can’t believe I got arrested for breaking into the zoo’s skunk exhibit.
I was just following odors.
My wife says if this post gets over 1000 likes, I can get anal.
Please like because I want this house to be spotless.
Leather Armour is perfect for sneaking
It’s because it’s literally made out of hide!
I heard touching poison ivy can change your pronouns. So I figured I’d give it a shot.
Now I’m It/She
I used to play piano by ear…
Now I use my hands.
My doctor diagnosed me with a bladder infection.
He said: "Urine trouble!"
Why don't snowmen like carrot cake?
Because it tastes like boogers!
How does a blind man in Rome get his sight back?He counts to 100.
That way he can C.
I'd like to tell you a chemistry joke
But all the good ones Argon.
ModsThree moderators walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”
[deleted].
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