Dad-Knock knock. Son-Who's there? Dad-Hike. Son- Hike who?Unsuspecting son
Dad waiting with bated breath
Sets the perfect trap
“Burger” backwards…
… is Scooby Doo offering to give you a leg massage
What do you call an elephant the circus no longer needs?
Irrelephant
"Comfortable?" Asked the waiter
"No sir, I come for food."
At dinner, my frustrated date said, “so napping and sitting around are seriously your only hobbies?? You told me that you were interesting!”
“No, no,” I corrected, “I said that I was into resting.”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Because they don't have the guts to do so
Why is this time of year Arnold Schwarzenegger’s favourite?
Because he has to love Easter, baby.
As I was dropping my son off on his first day of school, he worriedly looked at me and asked, “How long do I have to go to school for?” Smiling, I responded, “Until you’re 18 buddy!" He nodded, thought about it for a bit and said...
“Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
I don’t mind eating insects.
First time, I’ll probably have butterflies in my stomach.
I told my suitcase there will be no vacations this year…
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
Everyone talks about Karl Marx but what about...
Everyone talks about Karl Marx but what about his sister Anya, the inventor of the startup pistol
Everyone told me I needed a duel income in this economy.
Now I’m in jail for slapping people with my gloves.
Did you hear about the depressed fisherman?
He just felt like he had no porpoise.
Once you've been stung eight times, the next one can cause you to develop a tumor.
Thankfully, it's probably bee nine.
What’s faster than an escalator?
An escasooner
Why can chickens only make one sound
they can't think outside the bawks
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher . 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me...
“How do you know it was on it’s way to work?”
Weirdest thing about the zombie outbreak in Egypt was that the birth rates actually went *up*
Must have been all the pharaoh moans in the air
I always start with a joke about a door handle.
It’s a great opener.
What do diss rappers and wasted white girls have in common?
They both should have stopped two bars ago.
What is the funkiest break-fast food?
Jam!
What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.
Polling best drinkCoffee was just voted the best drink in the nation.
It was an unfair vote, there were absent tea ballots
I received an email titled "Knock, knock".
It was from a Jehovah's Witness working from home.
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