After massive public outcry from users believing Alexa was listening on everything
Amazon has announced it will be releasing a male version, as it won't be listening to anything at all.
Triple Shot: What do you call a Fiat on top of a hill?A miracle! What do you call 2 Fiats on top of a hill? Science Fiction
What do you call 3 Fiats on top of a hill? A weird place to build a Fiat factory.
They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
Who the hell runs eight miles in 1 minute?
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, right?
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
Every time I light my lighter, my lighter gets lighter...
...until my lighter gets so light it won’t light.
Sesame Street’s vampire has wandered away again.
He’s done it so many times, they’ve lost Count.
I opened up to my therapist about the shame I felt for getting aroused whenever I looked the mirror.
She said I was being too hard on myself.
When I was younger I wanted to be a chiropractor
But then I found out it was back breaking work
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It’s like regular tennis but without the racket.
A friend said my wife and daughter look identical like twins
I told him, 'Well, they were separated at birth.'
I went to a bar called Scat. Its great...
There is always a stool to sit on
I hope that dad riddles are ok here but here goes: 'The more you take, the more you leave behind, what am I? '
Laxatives
HOW DO YOU SPOT A BLIND MAN AT A NUDE BEACH?
IT'S NOT HARD!
I knew a guy who sold a lot of soup stock.
Now he's a bouillonaire.
What’s the slope of an inattentive fast food employee?
Fries overdone
My mother’s ancestors came from England. One of her relatives was a female court jester for King Richard, known as Lois the Fool, and she is credited with inventing the pun!After regaling the King with her witty little snippets of humor, King Richard asked what she called them. She replied, "Puns, Your Majesty, I call them puns."
The King was so impressed he proclaimed to everyone in his kingdom, "Henceforth and forevermore, let it be known throughout this realm that a pun is...
... the Lois form of humor..."
Why don't you find many vampires in the financial sector?
Too many stake holders
What's the best footwear when performing a frog dissection?
Open toad sandals.
Did you hear the US Mint began issuing larger coins?
They said they wanted to show growth on this physical quarter
I've never enjoyed the opening song of the Blur Album
I much prefer Song 2
What do you call a shivering bear?
A brrr
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
My gastroenterologist is half- Irish, half-Macedonian
Colin O'Skopje.
After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied.
He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly a voice on the other side of the wall screamed...
"You idiot! It's three-fifteen in the morning.
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