"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,”said a sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one student rose to her feet.
“Now then young lady, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don't," said the girl, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
I used to work with a woman called Ina
Whenever anyone would say Hi Ina, she'd laugh her head off.
I asked the Dr what vitamins are the best to make me feel like I was before I was 13
He said, B12
A blind man walks into a store and starts swinging his dog above his head. A clerk asks him" can I help you?"
The blind man says "no , I'm just looking around."
I was surprised to learn Elon Musk is from South Africa.
You’d think he is from Mad-at-gas-car.
What do you call a dog on a submarine?
Subwoofer (I'll see myself out)
I bought a used dictionary at a local flea market. I got it cheap because someone had torn out both the first few and last few pages from the book.
Trying to actually use the dictionary was difficult, however: it only went from bad to worse.
As I got off the elevator, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I said, “Don’t call me son. You’re not my dad.”
He replied, “Maybe not… but I did bring you up.”
Why did Trump write in all caps?
He believes capitalism is the only way.
What do snakes do after they fight?
They hiss and make up.
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
Even though I drink brake fluid all the time, I’m not addicted.
I can stop whenever I want
I wasn't sure about getting a brain transplant
Then I changed my mind.
My Girlfriend says I’m cheap
I’m not buying it
He died on stage during Macbeth.A tragedy.
Why did the tree take a long vacation?
He was over-ELM-ed at work!
Where does wire wool come from?
Sheep metal (I'll get my coat)
Who were the knights of the round tableWho’s the knight who moonlights as a geologist?
Sir Vey
Who’s most the agreeable knight?
Sir Tenly
Who’s the Knight who used to be a slave?
Sir Vent
Confucius.
Confucius say , “To get attention from Doctor, one has to be patient”.
My girlfriend said I have no sense of direction.
So I packed my things and right.
What’s the difference between a bad joke and a dad joke?
The first letter!
They closed the local bridge today...
I still can't get over it.
What’s brown , wrinkled and lives in a cathedral
The lunch bag of Notre Dame
I'm proud of my 13 yo daughter. I told her to load and run the dishwasher.She said the dishwasher can't run... it's got no legs!
I'm glad to see my teaching has not been wasted.
Little johnny
Hey dad I can't stop running in circles. Be quiet or I'll nail the other foot down too.
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