What did the bra say to the hat?
"You go on ahead, and I will give these two a lift."
I got kicked out of the nativity play because I kept singing Nickelback
I guess I never made it as a wise man
How do you spot a blind person at a nude beach?
It's not hard
Me: Whoever wrote The Odyssey really knocked it out of the park!Them: Homer.
Me: Exactly!
Dont joke about old people's ballsacks..
Its low hanging fruit, dude
Bad dad jokes for my father’s funeralMy father passed away earlier this week and I am in charge of creating a memorial card. He was a huge jokester so I would like to include a bad joke on the back of the card. Unfortunately between planning the funeral and his death, my brain can’t come up with any jokes he has said like ever. He loved a bad or inappropriate joke. It will be mostly family and a few of his friends there, everyone loved his awful humour.
The best one I have come up with so far has been “Cremator? I hardly know her!” (He is being cremated). I fear it might be slightly distasteful or go over a few people’s heads, a was only 55 so a majority of his siblings are older, as well as his mother. I think most of his siblings would get it maybe. Not sure.
Please give me your best suggestions!
Why did the onion and garlic break up?
They found out they were aromatics
Did you know?
Adam and Eve were the first humans to ever skip the Apple terms and conditions.
Sadly, the funeral for the CEO of Tupperware has been delayed.
The funeral home is still trying to find a lid that fits the coffin. The director is sure that the lid is around 'here' somewhere.
Guess who I bumped into on the way to get my glasses fixed?…
…everyone! 🤣
What do you get when a colonoscopy goes horribly wrong?
A semicolon.
Heating up water in real time…
…is a tankless job
What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?
Hole Foods.
I wake up at 3 or 4 every night to use the bathroom.
That’s why they’re called the wee hours of the morning.
i was gonna make joke about wires
but it didn't connect
What do you call a self centred woman?
Mimi
what did sodium say when bromine asked him to hang out?
Na Bro
What’s The Most LGBTQ+ Product At Home Depot?
The lumber, ‘cause it sure as hell ain’t straight.
Apparently the Spice Girls are making a comeback…And it’s being sponsored by Old Spice.
Makes scents.
The founder of Levi's came from a long line of Doctors.
When asked why he didn't follow the family tradition, he replied, " it's just not in my jeans."
What does a car's fuel tank wear when it's cold outside?
A gas cap.
I took my wife to the theater to watch a performance all about puns.
It was a play on words.
I absolutely nailed my audition to play Quasimodo at Disney World. Unfortunately, they didn’t hire me…
I didn’t pass the back round check.
I recently was running through a jungle, chased by a pack of hungry little children.
I tell ya, they really were some fine young cannibals.
I'm really scared for my pet lizard...
My doctor said I have A Reptile Dysfunction.
top
