At the thieves convention, there was a standing ovation for the guy who specialized in stealing boat parts.
He took a bow.
Math teacher says: "50 percent of the class have failed the recent test"
Pupil/student from back row replies: "We're not even that many here in class!"
One for my son this morning. “You know goalkeepers wear gloves on their hands?” “Yeh, sure!” “Do you know why?” “Errr, no?”
“Because if they put them on their feet their boots wouldn’t fit”
Why do horses never seem stressed?
They have a stable life.
I heard that by law you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
I just got my covid test back.
It was 50. I also got my IQ test back, it was positive.
What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency?
It Hertz.
Star Trek
My son asked me who was the best Captain on Star Trek, so I Said Captain Slog, he replied that he had never heard of him, then I informed my son that Captain Slog is in every episode as the programme starts they say Captain Slog star date ****
I don’t understand how people have a hard time sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed
I met a Russian-Canadian the other day. He said his name was...
Vladimir Poutine
Why was the student's report card all wet
it was below c level
After getting married, you learn a lot about yourself.
Just like I learnt that I can sleep the whole night on just 6 inches of a king sized bed.
I can't believe I got fired from the clock factory.
I put in so many extra hours.
Why can't a T-Rex clap its hands?
Because it's extinct, duh.
Did you hear about the Civil War amongst the light bulbs?
I'm not even sure watt started it.
My dad doesn't want me to make breakfast anymore. He said i burn the toast.
I'm worried he might be black-toast-intolerant
What’s the only product you should buy if the reviews say it sucks?
A vacuum!
I love putting on fresh underwear straight out of the dryer.
Plus it's fun looking around the laundromat, trying to guess who they belong to.
A fight broke out at the trampoline park…
You’d think they’d have a bouncer
What’s it called when a trucker ties the knot?
A trucker’s hitch.
What kind of doctor was Dr Pepper?
He was a Fizzician.
To survive in this economy, Freddy Krueger had to get a job managing a Walmart.
He's doing a great job slashing prices!
Did you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you, and realize how lucky you are? ...
I just did and apparently I won't be able to fly on this airline anymore.
7 days without puns
Makes one weak.
What’s blue and not very heavy?
Light blue
top
