At a divorce paper signing...
WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app
MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places
WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict
MAN: It was a wookie mistake
WOMAN: Just sign it
MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing a game of hide and seek.Einstein starts counting: "One, two, three..."
Pascal runs off and hides behind a large bush.
Newton, however, just stands there. He takes out a piece of chalk, draws a square on the ground exactly one meter by one meter, and steps inside it.
Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes, and sees Newton immediately. "Aha! I found you, Newton!" he shouts.
Newton smiles and shakes his head. "No, you didn't. You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!".
This girl on tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.
I told her I’m looking for matches.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
A clown held the door open for me yesterday
It was a nice jester
I went to an alien orgy last night.
I don’t know what came over me.
The therapist asked the wife why she wanted to end her marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars Day puns.
The husband looked at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”
Cheese pizza is the best pizza.
You can’t top it.
Why does Costco keep all of their seafood in one section?
Efishency
The Alabama pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
Why couldn't Darth Vader ever find love?
He was looking in Alderaan places.
Did you get a hair cut?
No! I got them all cut.
Which Jedi is best at delivering babies?
OBi GYN
Why do monsters love to eat people named William?
Because they willi-yummy
How much memory does it take to store a joke?
One gigglebyte
As parents, we spend 2 years teaching our children how to walk and talk...
Then the rest of our lives we tell then to sit down and be quiet.
I walked into a bar in Germany and ordered a dry martini.The bartender looked at me funny asked, "Are you sure?"
I responded, "Absolutely!"
So he fixed me three martinis.
My dad just finished making a model of Mount Everest.
I asked him if it was to scale... He said "No, it's to look at."
The longer you beat the eggs the less it improves the scramble.
It’s kind of a whisk reward thing.
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
Some people have so little to do at work that they can spend the whole day making up Star Wars puns.
I bet their Jabba’s really boring.
A forester is walking through the forest and a tree yells, “Stop! You can’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!”
The forester responds, “Yeah, and you’ll dialogue.”
My gardener is done with his job but won’t stop gathering leaves. I asked him why and he said he really enjoyed it. I told him to leave and he wouldn’t. I demanded he tell me his name before I called the cops.
He said “I’m Ray King “
Since Iran has set up a toll booth in Hormuz…
…shouldn’t their leader be the “I-a-toller?”
Why did the teddy bear want to stop eating?
It was stuffed
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