What does a robot do after a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts
My wife keeps yelling at me for tickling my son’s feet
Something about waiting until he’s born
My friend's wife called him after 3 women in her office received flowers.
She told him, "they're absolutely gorgeous"...his reply, "that's probably why"...
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates
What do you call a downgraded dog?Kate
Dog=K9 Kate=K8
The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a songBut the Chick Peas can only hummus one.
// stolen from a friend...
What’s a three letter word that starts with gas?
Car
Snoop just said he won’t smoke any more weed!
But he wont smoke any less either
A lot of people talk about Spock having unique ears since he's half Vulcan, but not many people know he actually had 3 ears.
His left ear, his right ear, and the final front ear.
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!
When my son tried to use scissors to spread his condiments, I knew something wasn’t right in his head.
I don’t think he’s gonna cut the mustard.
I bought a wooden car, It's got..wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden seats, wooden wheels even a wooden key...Guess what?
Wooden start
The guy that stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family.
To drive an electric car,
Do you need a current license?
My father worked 12 hours every day just to put food on the table.
Amazing man, but slowest cook ever
A Briton named Arthur selling dromedaries, calls his business....
Camel Lot
I have decided to stop drinking for good.
I will now drink exclusively for evil.
Why do stray dogs always fall for telemarketers?
They don't have collar ID.
I just heard that with all this pronoun talk,
Chocolate has now identified as a Her/She.
What can you find in the middle of nowhere?
The letter H
Which primate is the weakest?
The chimpansy
My friend slipped on a bra…
Turns out it was a booby trap.
What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common?
Their middle names.
I started to write a drinking song,
but I got confused after the first few bars...
What do you call a bus conductor who lost both their legs in an accident?
Semiconductor
top
