Why couldn't the Mexican archer hunt? He didn;t habanero.
My girlfriend said she’s missing her periods
I said: “no wonder you always text me in run on sentences.”
I've just received the news I'm a kleptomaniac
To be fair I took it rather easily
My doctor told me I’m going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear...
Wifey.
I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.
So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.
Did you know that Mjolnir has a different name when Thor throws it?
Then it becomes Mjolfar.
My jet-setting buddy bought me a ticket to Paris to be best man in his wedding. Afterwards, we all raised our champagne flutes. "To the bride and groom," I said. "Eggs, cinnamon bread, and maple syrup."
It was a French toast.
I finally got with a girl last nightNow all my posts to
r/jokes show up here, something wrong with reddit?
When you are with Spanish speaking friends, make sure you say "mucho" often
It means a lot to them.
My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.
So he handed me another one.
During the modern royalty course, the history teacher asked the class, Who can name three kings from the 20th century?
A student proudly raised their hand and said, Easy, Charles, Elvis, and Martin Luther.
I have a Polish guy in my band
and a Czech one too.
Our server at brunch asked if we had any questions. I said, “Yeah, how’s the French quiche?”
He said, “Traditionally with eyes closed and a lot of tongue.”
My son called home and I asked how things were going. He said, “Please don’t be upset, but they’re making me take another drug test.”
Four years of pharmacy school. Four years of the same damn joke.
What do you call a kingdom of criminals?
A Condom
So, ...what do you get when you cross a dad joke with a rhetorical question?
A punitive inquiry possibly.
Do you know why the world never ends?
Because it’s round 🌍
I opened the only mine in a small city that supplies it with the softest mineral on earth.
It’s the talc of the town!
After all these years, I just discovered that my neighbour is a crab!
I must be living under a rock
What is Whitney Houston's favorite car brand?
HYUN-DAAIII!
My kid asked me what it feels like to be an adult...
I turned off the light in his room, handed him a sponge, and told him the kitchen needs his attention.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom...... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Oldie but a goodie - What is the Dalai Lama’s go to when ordering a hot dog?
Make me one with everything.
Someone told me you could watch a solar eclipse through a colander...
I tried it and ended up straining my eyes.
A service technician asked me for the time.
I told him it was some time between 8am and noon.
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