Why is the letter E the only letter to receive gifts from Santa?
The other letters are not e.
Got fired from the Viagra factory after being accused of stealing.
Guess they don’t want hard workers…
My friends keep telling me about how he can print a gun with his 3D printer.
I’m not impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
If Darth Vader always wears a mask, how does he eat?
He is force fed.
Why is the shower head so happy?
Every naked person he sees turns him on
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”
“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”
I bought my wife a revolving chair….
At first she hated it, but I sat her in it and she is slowly coming round.
I'm very proud of the work I did on my coffee business.
I built it from grounds up.
I know Forrest Gump's password
1Forrest1
How do robots eat guacamole?
With microchips
How was Swedens best tennis player created?He was Bjorn.
Haha I'll see myself out
What has four big wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call bears without ears?
B
I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I was going to make a joke about supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
But I thought the sound of it was something quite atrocious.
What sound does James Bond’s doorbell make?
Dong. Ding dong.
Called my wife while hiking. “Um… I think I’m lost.” She goes, “Can you retrace your steps?”
I’m like, “Babe, you know I suck at drawing!”
I have a family member that always sleeps.
It's my napkin.
Police Officer: "Why are you driving around with a book in your hands?"
Driver: "It's a long story..."
My wife is a teacher at a very small school. She only has two students in her class & both of them are going to live to be very old
Both of her pupils are going to dilate
The full-time gardener I hired to upkeep my veggies didn't cost much...
All he asked for was a celery.
After I took a football to the groin, my teammate said I should become a farmer...
...Because now I have a couple of ache-ers.
My wife rang last night and told me she was in casualty.
I watched the full episode and didn’t see her. In fact I haven’t seen her since the phone call 🤔
My dad held a very high position in a nationwide construction company.
He was a crane operator.
My wife said she'd love me more if I was a mute.
That's not saying much
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