The new Scandinavian priest seems nice, but I think he might be obsessed with Mortal Kombat.
He ends every service with a “FINNISH HYMN!”
I’d like to offer you lesson on the air guitar, totally free of charge.
No strings attached.
As I embarked on my voyage to India, I bid farewell to my mother.
I said, "Mumbai."
Why do math classes teach the debut album of former Vice President Al Gore?
Because it's an Al Gore Rhythm
A number of you have commented on my posts that my grammar stinks.
Jesus guys, she’s 97 years old, leave her alone.
What do people with hemorrhoids and British bar patrons annoyed at the stability of their seat have in common?
“That bloody stool”
What do Norwegian police drive?
Fjord Rangers
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
AskDadjokes: Replace the title of your favorite Love song with the word "Lunch"..Mine: "What's
Lunch Got to Do with It?" by Aretha Frank-n-bean
(It's a guaranteed eye roll from my son every time!)
(Ed: sorry, that song was by Tina Tuna!!)
What should you say to 007 when he leaves for France?
Bond voyage!
What do you call someone who sells Ships and Boats?
A Sailsman.
What is a 3 letter word that starts with gas?
Car
Why do vampires have low fertility rates?
Because they can't come inside unless invited.
How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds
What country is full of angry people?
Ire-land
What do you call a pair of inspirational shoes?
Motivational sneakers.
I think my dyslexic neighbor might be a devil worshiper
Yesterday he told me he sold his soul to Santa
Why did the wizard go to the hospital?
He had staff infection.
I got an email the other day telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.
Sick joke, not sure if it qualifies as a Dad joke.
There was this guy who went to jail and he was found dead in his cell, he hung himself... It was a suspended sentence
Why is Bill short for William?
Because he doesn't have enough money to pay it.
What celebrity is known for his steady diet of hay?
Christian Bale!
I asked the librarian if they had any books on exploring Australia - she said to hop on one of their computers and search Outback.
Well, I'm not seeing anything but trash cans and parked cars behind the building here. And I have no idea how that flattened computer is going to help things.
i wish i could go back to the time I had s*x with a rectangle..
best shape I'd ever been in.
How can you tell a dogwood tree apart from other kinds of trees?
The bark.
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