My daughter defused my son's repeated 6-7's perfectly
Since my son turned 7 yrs old he has picked up the 6-7 meme, presumably from school friends. My daughter turned 4 and innocently assumed 6-7 was something to do with her brother's age, so she responds with "3-4" every time! Think it's her first dad joke, so proud!
Say what you will about Die Hard, but it has the best ending for a Christmas movie
Hans down
Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers?The family: No idea
Dad: Mentos
"When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels.""Why?"
"Sometimes."
My neighbor's wife attacked her husband with his guitar collection.At her arraignment the judge asked, "First offender?"
She said "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."
Karl Marx is historically famous, but no-one ever mentions his sister
Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol
When you're in the bathroom it doesn't matter if you're French, German, Spanish or Polish. At the end of the day...
... European
What do epileptic snakes have?
Hissy fits.
On Tuesday I want to go to the autopsy club.
They're having an open Mike night.
My nipple was in the Guinness' Book of World Records...
...but then the librarian asked me to take it out.
What do you call it when all the elves clap for their boss?
Santapplause.
An instrument to cut the ocean in half?
A sea-saw.
I have a statistics joke
but it's not significant.
My shoes have great personalities
They’re always sole mates.
Whilst swimming my friend accidentally swallowed some seaweed.
I suggested that he should sea kelp.
What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky
You know you’re getting old when you just want to eat your bran flakes…
and you don’t want to waste time raisin ‘em.
Why was the sick national bird deported?Because it was an ill eagle.
(Thanks for the inspiration, Wordle)
It's Christmas, what should I give a blind, dyslexic atheist?
A seeing-eye God
A farmer was training a young farm hand on how to use a combine harvester
He noticed the young man was looking very uncomfortable. He asked if there was a problem, the young man replied "I just can't bring myself to do it, uprooting all those wheat stalks". The farmer replied, "What's the problem? It's only wheat.". The young man replied "What are you, some kind of cereal killer?"
Just tried a frog-flavored beer
You can really taste the hops
What do you call a person who doesn’t have a body or a nose?
Nobody knows .
I don't roll a joint very often...
but when I do it's usually my ankle.
Everyone, I need some advice on managing my emotions surrounding my late father.
What can I do to get him to show up on time once in a while?
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