What is a word that starts and ends with the same letter, and has a little laugh in it?
You will smile when you realize that is the answer.
Someone swapped my antidepressants for Viagra
It's been a hard day to get through.
Why can't the cat have control of the TV remote......
Because it will keep hitting the paws button.....
Got a solid groan on this one...
My daughter wanted me to take her shopping at "The Hot Topic" at the mall. I said that store is too edgy and we should go shopping at The Warm Subject instead. Waka Waka...
How many ants can you fit in a rental property.
Ten. Ten ants.
To the person who stole my antidepressant tablets
I hope you're happy now.
Realizing my wife is going to need an oxygen tank for the rest of her life,
because I took her breath away every time she looks at me.
Just as I was off to college , my dad and I got some last minute bits from the shop..As he reached for the anti persperant, he made sure to tell me.to.never buy the ones at the very front as they have likely been used as testers several timesI told him , This ain't my first roll deo
he said , Bye Son
Did you hear about the guy who invented the "knock-knock" joke?
He won the "no-bell" prize.
My doctor's fees are very fair.
I pay a fare for the visit, a fare for the blood work, a fare for the follow-up.
Two slices of bread went on a date.
It was loaf at first sight.
I heard my daughter say from the other room "dad (sister)'s doing something she's not supposed to be doing!"
I responded with
me: is she Building a rocket or fighting a mummy?
6 year old: no
me: Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower?
6 year old no she is-
me: Discovering something that doesn't exist?
6 yo: no shes not doing that she is-
Me: giving a monkey a shower!?!
6yo no no
me: o i know she is Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots or locating Frankenstein's brain?
6yo old: what?
me: Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent
Or driving her sister insane?
6yo: that one shes doing that one.
My family got pretty bored when I spent all Saturday afternoon installing bidets on our toilets.
But today, they’re having a blast.
What would you call a Norwegian magician?
A wizard of Oslo.
What did the annoyed baker shout at her bread?
Don't you start with me, sourdough!
Had a Star Wars-related dream where nobody could count past two in French.
Yoda did say “deux or deux not, there is no trois”
What did the Buffalo dad say when he left his calf at school for the first time?
Bye son!
My girlfriend and I met as chorus members in a local production of West Side Story
We just clicked
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
Many historians argue that it was the Mongols who set the standard for pillaging an entire city.
But it was the Vikings who razed the bar.
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
A decomposer.
What do you call it when a cow wants to be insulted and joked about?
Roast beef.
That was the second-best second crap of the day I’ve ever taken.
It was my number two number two number two.
Does anyone have trouble remembering maine’s abbreviation
or is it just me?
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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