I went out with a grammar teacher last night. I mentioned my colon, she talked about her period.
That’s about all we had in comma.
“Doctor, I think I have ADHD. I can never remember where I parked my Ford.”Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.
Man: But I keep losing my Focus.
Why can’t crocodiles drink milk?
because they are lacoste intolerant
Someone glued my deck of cards together
I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
When I was a kid at fat camp I fell in love with the biggest girl there.
She was my first crush.
After kissing my wife on the couch she said “let’s take this upstairs”.
“Ok,” I said. “You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.”
I told my wife a hilarious joke about spaghetti but she didn’t get it
It went right pasta
My friend always cracks cancer puns
i don’t like his sense of tumour
My wife is mad at me for getting her a fake rabbit's foot for our anniversary.
I guess that's considered a faux paw.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
How much does a pirate pay for corn
a buck an ear
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.
Your constant urge to look at yourself in the mirror,
reflects badly on your character.
Some of my posts do well, some don’t do so well
That’s why my fencing business failed
RIP Boiling Water!
You will be mist!
What’s the key to a good mailman joke?
The delivery.
What do you call a good corn on the cob?
Amaizeing!
Why did the dead grape’s brother bring his favorite cologne to the memorial?For Scentimental Raisins
(Based on a true story)
Ziplock started making underwear
I tried a pair but they were just a little baggy
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
Did I tell you about my cousin who fell into an upholstery machine?
Don’t worry—he’s fully re-covered!
What do you call a Porta Potty that only works half the time?
Sorta Potty!
I recently watched a movie about Greek mythology.
The guy who played Atlas carried the whole thing.
I recently bought a chicken to make some sandwiches.
It doesn’t. It’s noisy and poops all over the floor.
What is the least spoken language in the world
Sign language
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