The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.
RIP Pam Flett, and her husband, Lee.
My wife beamed with pride and said "I never thought our son would go so far!".
I said, "Yeah this trebuchet thing is amazing! Go get our daughter."
So excited!! Today I went to the OREO website…
I hit the “Accept all cookies” Now we wait…. 😋🍪
I asked my wife, if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes.
All the others had been nine or tens.
What city is in the middle of czechoslovakia . . . four letters
Oslo
I’m on the Paleo Diet. There’s a restaurant nearby owned by a guy named Leo after I eat…
…I pay Leo.
I gave my three-year-old a book of puns for his birthday, but my wife snatched it away, saying, “You can’t give this to a toddler!”
Apparently, it’s a joking hazard.
The time I finally got my sonHe’s 30, and constsntly getting me on stupid thing like “deez nutz”. I say summer… “summer deez nutz”. I say Aldi… “Aldi-s nuts”. Been goin on for years.
When we bought our house, we got stools for the island that exactly matched our China cabinet and buffet. He asked how we did it. I told him on this one website you can get a chip of the stained wood sent to you so you can see if it matches. He says “Wos, that’s a great idea”
I look at him with a big grin and say “Yeah… they call it a… STOOL SAMPLE”
Mick Jagger’s coming for lunch later
I’m doing him a spiced lamb and couscous bap. I know it’s only a Moroccan roll, but he likes it
What do you call a bee in U.S.?
USB!
I was excited to watch the origami world championship on TV
But it turns out that it’s only on paper view
Did you hear about the two rowboats that got into an argument?
It was an oar-deal.
I was bored last night, so I texted my ex…
I said, “Are you free tonight?”
She replied, “Yes”
I said, “See, nobody likes you.”
Sometimes the universe just hands you a punchlineI was in the kitchen with my 16-year-old daughter, who wanted to learn to bake. I opened the flour and lo and behold it's got bugs.
I said to her, these are weevils.
She said, "I thought weevils were bigger."
I said, "You're thinking of the boll weevil," and then inspiration struck. "These are the lesser of the two weevils." 💀☠️👻
I tested my friend Pascal to see if he could explain a partial vacuum.
He said that's a low bar.
What do you call a toothbrush that can clean twice as well?
A fourthbrush.
My four year old nephew has been learning Spanish for a few months now
He can only say please. That’s poor for four
According to a poll that was recently conducted
The lightning rod works
Why did Abraham Lincoln visit Andrew Getty on the day of his parakeet’s birth?
To deliver the Gettys’ bird a dress.
[META] What is up with the bots in this sub?Like seriously, in every post there's that one newly-created account commenting the most ChatGPT-esque response to a joke, and it's starting to get annoying.
What is going on here?
Jokes aren’t funny when you explain them
And I’ll tell you why
What is a snakes favorite subject?
Hiss-tory.
I remember once when my son ran away
When he came back, I took him for a walk so we could talk. He pointed to some roadkill and asked me what it was. “Carrion, my wayward son.”
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one.
St. Peter is up in Heaven and walking down the hallway when he passes God’s office, only to find God burying his head in his hands. “What’s wrong?” St. Peter asks, “You look really upset.”
“I am really upset,” God says, “I’m in love with an atheist and she doesn’t even know I exist.”
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