(This happened today. Not sure if it’s a ‘dad joke’ but was pretty funny. She’s 11 years old.)
Thoroughly intrigued, the attorney ordered his chauffeur to pull over. He stepped out of the vehicle, adjusted his expensive suit, and walked over to the men. "Excuse me," the lawyer said. "Why on earth are you two eating grass?"
One of the men looked up, his eyes hollow with hunger. "Sir, we have no money, no jobs, and we haven't been able to afford food for days. We are eating the grass just to survive."
The lawyer’s heart swelled with sudden pity. "This is terrible! No one should have to endure this. Please, both of you, get into my limousine right now. I am taking you back to my estate."
The first man choked back tears. "Sir, you are incredibly kind, but I cannot leave my wife and our three children. They are sitting over under that tree, and they haven't eaten either."
"Bring them all!" the lawyer insisted grandly. "There is plenty of room!"
The second man hesitated. "Sir, my wife and our six children are also hiding in the bushes further down."
"The more the merrier! Bring them along too!" the lawyer replied.
With some effort, the chauffeur managed to squeeze all fourteen impoverished people into the massive luxury limousine. Once they were on the highway, one of the husbands turned to the lawyer, tears streaming down his face. "Sir, we can never thank you enough for your immense generosity. You are an absolute angel for taking us in to feed us."
The lawyer smiled warmly, patted the man on the shoulder, and said, "Oh, don't mention it! You are all going to absolutely love my estate. The grass in my backyard is nearly a foot tall!"
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Bubba ran out on the porch, puzzled at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting his face in his hands, Bubba moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? Send me a BLIND policeman."
(I thought of this at random today and if anybody can refine it please do)
Can you give me your best/favorite dad joke so I can tag him?!
Clean or dirty jokes welcome!
Thank you!
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said.
'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!
'Ain't dat grand, !!'
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,
'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'
The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said,
'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said,
'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'
The doctor then delivered another boy and said,
'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'
Murphy said to the doctor,
'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'
The doctor said,
'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'
Murphy said,
'Ah yeah, during conception.'
When Murph. and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,
'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'
Murph said,
'I'll tell you, .....it's a fre@,king' good ting we didn't use WD-40.
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"Government at its best is a necessary evil, and at it's worst an intolerant one" - Thomas Paine
