The ousted Nvidia CEO has been linked to three women !...
Now thats parallel processing!
When Princess Leia felt cold, her brother pulled her into an embrace to warm her up. When he asked if he she felt any warmer…
She said she felt lukewarm.
If Mexican restaurants have Taco Tuesday, what do Vietnamese restaurants have?
Pho-riday
What's heavier, butane or water?
Water, because butane is a lighter fluid.
Microsoft still struggling with outages
The Outlook is not good.
The surgeon came out and said, “Look, I have good news and I have bad news about your son. The bad news is it’s impossible remove the abacus from his stomach, so his abdomen will forever look absolutely disgusting.”
“The good news is, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
People keep complaining that I overuse contractions.
Oh well. It's what it's!
I got an elevator to the sixteenth floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son.""Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!"
He said: “No, but I brought you up, didn't I?".
Today, the US Mint will officially mint the last US penny and will no longer produce them in the future.
This makes no cents.
I don't know why everyone's so angry at the NVIDIA CEO.
As far as I can tell, he's just minding his own affairs.
How does a T. Rex know if it has worked out too hard?
He is dina-sore
Looking at the way I dress, you wouldn't suspect I was a millionaire
And you'd be right to think that
I’d tell you an eye joke, but it would be too cornea
Maybe you could brows this sub instead?
Where in Italy are you most likely to find an elephant?
Tusk-any.
Microsoft’s email system is down and they don’t know when it’ll be restored.
Their outlook is really bad.
Does your wife always sleep on her stomach?
Yes, she’s prone to do that
I went to my first Pride parade. What a disappointment.
Not a single lion anywhere!
What do you call a prostitution scam?
A booby trap
I went to the urgent care clinic today. While there, a male nurse asked me if I wanted a pamphlet.
I said, "Yeah, bro... Sure."
What do you call someone who paints a Mongolian king?
A Khan artist
My wife brought home a 1.570795 from the grocery store.
I told her next time, just get a whole pie.
How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?I don't know. I've never managed to fit two elephants into a lightbulb.
(Just thought of this. I'm so sorry and I'll see myself out)
What did the fly do when he got really sick?
He flu.
I just got an email about how to read maps backwards
…It was SPAM
What do you call a hairless bear with no shoes who is losing his patience with the situation?
A barefoot bare bear who is barely bearing it.
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