Fun fact: Koi fish always travel in groups of 4.
If attacked, the A B and C koi will scatter, leaving behind the D koi.
God originally wanted cows to make honey. But they were always moody after making milk
So he went with plan bee
A man was out in his backyard digging a deep holeA man was out in his backyard digging a deep hole when he suddenly struck something hard. He cleared away the dirt to find a heavy, wooden chest. With trembling hands, he pried it open and found it was filled to the brim with gold coins and ancient jewelry.
Overjoyed, he was about to drop his shovel and run inside to tell his wife the incredible news that they were finally rich beyond their wildest dreams. But then, he paused, looked back down at the deep hole he had been working on all afternoon, and remembered exactly why he was digging in the garden in the first place.
In the morning, the executioner reads his newspaper and eats breakfast. Then he looks at his watch and says to his wife:
"Alright, it's time to head off."
My favorite dad joke
I’ve said it for years and no one in my family laughs. Every time I drive by a car dealership early in the morning or late at night, I point to all the cars in the lot and loudly remark how crazy it is that they’re so busy.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
Because they grew out of their B shells.
What does one call an unsophisticated pickle?
A dillbilly
What do you call a midsize vehicle with 4 wheels, a flat bed in back, and hops off the ground about once every 20-30 seconds?
A hiccup truck
A woman was found guilty in court of a traffic violation, and when asked for her occupation, she said she was a school teacher.The judge rose from the bench and said: “Ma’am, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court.”
“Why is that Your Honor?” asked the teacher.
The judge smiled with delight and said: “I’m going to need you to sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run red a light’ 500 times.” 🤣
A one L Lama is a religious leader. A two LL Llama is a humped animal. What is a three L lama?
A really big fire.
What did the person that illegally downloaded the entire Wikipedia say when getting arrested?
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
I accidentally sprayed axe body spray in my mouth…
Now I talk with an axe scent.
Did you know Yoda had a last name?
It was Layheehoo.
While hiking in the mountains of Spain, i found a lot of plastic numbers scattered everywhere along all of the trails. When i got back to the trailhead, I asked the ranger, why I only saw the numbers 1, 2,4,5,6,7,8, and 9. The ranger explained:
We have a strict “leave no tres” policy
Did you hear about the painter who was hired to do a portrait of Ricardo Montelban in Star Trek?
He was a Khan artist
What’s a pirate’s favorite clothing material?
Yarrrrrn!
I bought Mandalorian steel on the black market to make an automobile.
It's the beskar I've ever made.
My wife told me that she doesn’t poop...
I think she’s full of crap.
I asked the librarian if they have any books on paranoia
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
What kind of magazines do cows read?
cattle-logs
That new wristband is so ugly, I simply cannot allow you to use it.
Not on my watch.
I told my husband that the days are getting noticeably longer now
He said that’s because this is the season to see sun
This morning i was watching my dog trying to catch the fog
but no matter how hard he tried, he just beraly mist
Why did Aladdin get banned from races?
Because he used performance-enhancing rugs!
I wanted to cook some alligator.
But all I have is a crock-pot.
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