What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER
My frustrated wife said the store was completely sold out of tampons. So I went to the back, spoke with the staff, and came out with a new box. She said, “How in the world did you manage to get those?”
“I pulled a few strings.”
I fell in love with my power saw
But it wasn’t reciprocating
My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married.
That’s a lot of near Mrs.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness
I’m trying to think of an underwear joke
. but I don’t have any clean ones.
Hey Siri, why am I so bad with women?
"I'm Alexa you idiot."
I got a job in a thermometer factory
Unfortunately, it's just temp work
What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle
It really is
Today I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM..
It looked like he was checking his balance.
What does a pickle do when it wins Olympic gold?
It relishes it.
How do you get down from a moose?
You don’t. You get down from a goose.
I was so broke one time I actually pick pocketed a midget. . .
Who knew I could stoop so low. . .
I went to my friend's funeralI asked his wife if I could say a word. She said sure.
I said "earth"
she said "that means the world to me"
Did you know that seaweed doesn't have male and female genders, like most other plants?
They're a part of the algaeBTQ.
The elevator in my office building makes supicious noises. I’m pretty sure its part of a conspiracy
It goes all the way to the top
What do you call an Old Snowman ☃️ ?
Water
What's the most modern water?
A Current (crafted by my 10 year old)
I couldn't stay awake in shop class -- the teacher made me memorize a bunch of useless information on power tools.
Until he kept drilling it into my head!
I only just found out Einstein was a real person
Everyone always called him a theoretical physicist
How do you cook a wild chicken?!?
On a free range!
Why did Ken show up to the 4th of July block party?
He heard there was a barbi-cue
Why did the muffin fall down the stairs?
He was baked.
I was supposed to draw a male cow, but I drew it as a female instead.
I made a Miss Steak.
I will probably catch some flak for saying this, but I don't think women should be working.
Shouldn't they be worqueen?
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