My son has finally surpassed his mom in heightStanding next to her, she said to him “You’re six inches taller than me!”
To which he replied “If you think that’s six inches, Dad’s been lying to you”
(True story, happened yesterday. His timing was impeccable, and he had this great mixture of pride and utter embarassment)
I think we clearly have different ideas on what a dad joke is
I wouldnt repeat alot of the jokes showing up lately to any kid( regardless if how funny). I feel like weve lost our way. Im no purist but theres plenty of other reddits for those jokes. :/
What do you call one thousand Millie Bobby Browns
Bobby Brown
I’ve started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef and vegetable. I know it’s risky…
But with any luck, I’ll become a bouillionaire
Can a ninja throw a ninja star?
Sure he can.
I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"I yelled back "I know all those letters!"
Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.
“Knock Knock” “Who is it?” “Dishes” “Dishes who”
Dishes a bad joke
I told my son, “Did you know when William the Conqueror took England that he made all the English lords get rid of the water around their castles so he could control them more easily”. “Did he really?”
“Yeh thats right. They were all de-moated.”
Why did the painting go to jail?
It was framed!
Why don't shrimp share?Because they're shellfish.
My 8yo daughter thought of that one tonight, after she accidentally said shellfish instead of selfish. Thought it was cute!
To be frank
I'd have to change my name.
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.
What do you call a prostitute who is bad at sex?
Whore-ible.
What do you do when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
You get two animals that are in a baaaaaad mooooood!
The guy remodeling my kitchen just got arrested!
Charged with counter-fitting.
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Because he can never, never land.
What type of fruit likes to go down slides?
A kiweeeeee!
What starts with P ends in S, and drives women wild?
Puns
What do they sing at Frosty the Snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!
Yesterday my wife and I were leaving a parking spot. There was a black and white car ahead of us.Wife: It's a cow car!
Me: It's a mooootor vehicle!
Wife: polite chuckle
Me: It's not a moootabike!
Wife: ...
Me: It's udderly fun to drive!
Wife: ...
Me: It has a cattle-lytic converter.
Wife: You can stop any time.
Me: Cowering
What do you call a drunk golf club?
A drunk driver.
I asked my son why he put popcorn in the freezer....
He said he wanted a pop-sicle.
Why do people get two tattoos at once?
Otherwise they’d be tat-ones!
What do you call a boyband that plays classical music?
The bach street boys
What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between boobs, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A seatbelt
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