[Warning! 18+]
19
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German Sausage.Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
I stumbled across a YouTube channel dedicated to Jewish colonoscopies.
I spent hours going down rabbi holes.
I'm about to spend the afternoon interrogating a duck.
Eventually he'll quack under the pressure.
Bad news, everyone. I’ve been diagnosed with the peekaboo virus.
They’re sending me to the ICU!
Yesterday I saw a Chinese man in a lobster costume get run over by a bus.
I felt bad for that poor crushed Asian.
Did you hear the Russians launched a potato into space?
They call it Spudnik
My dad got lost in the fog...
He will be mist.
Why was Riker upset when Troi cooked him dinner?
She said that she got her crabs straight from the wharf
I can't speak Arabic Today...When I was sick and I was in Arabic class, I said I can't speak Arabic today because
I have a bad Qaf (ق).
Crows Across the World Have All Gone Silent
Scientists across the world are trying to find the caws.
Did you know some breads are considered aphrodisiacs?
Especially the ones made with libidough.
I taught my car how to read and write.
Now it's going to write an Autobiography
I’m so excited to sleep over at my cannibal girlfriend’s place for the first time tonight.
She said she’s gonna make me breakfast in the morning!
I accidentally dropped my phone in the bath yesterday. Some water got stuck in between the phone and it's cover. I thought my phone was waterproof.
But apparently not in this case.
If a stork delivers a baby, what kind of bird gets rid of a baby?
A swallow
Why can’t Data from Star Trek give birth?
He can’t do contractions.
Do you guys know what gay horses eat?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAY
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
I went to a bookstore and saw a book titled “How to solve 50% of your problems”.
I bought two copies.
Bilbo Baggins fought a long and courageous battle against death. His final words were...
"Old hobbits die hard".
My dog can find anything.
He’s a Labragoogle.
What do you call a shy potato?
Croquettish
What do you call someone with no social media?
A Tweetotaler
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