I'm starting a vibrator repair service.
I'm calling it "Inspect Her Gadget."
Why didn't Noah fish when he was on the Ark?
Because he only had two worms
I studied dad jokes in college
I majored in sighcology
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.
I replied, "That's 15 love."
What is the difference between people from Abu Dhabi and the people from Dubai?
People from Dubai don’t watch the Flintstones, but the people from Abu Dhabi do.
I have a joke for all you mind readers out there:
...pretty good right?
People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.
But take a look at me now.
Yall heard about the reverse exorcism the other day?
the devil was tryna pull the priest out of a little boy
The Earth is 70% water, and it's not carbonated.
So the Earth really is flat.
Why did the baker become a thief
he needed the dough
What’s the difference between boogers and spinach?
Kids don’t eat spinach 😭
I recently adopted a dog from a blacksmith
As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door
What is it called when a banana eats another banana?
Cannibananabalism.
Did you ever hear about the guy that only sings when the car’s in reverse?
Turns out he’s a backup singer.
My wife caught me riding a dolphin. I said it was accidental…
…but she swears it was on porpoise.
What’s a musician’s favourite pet?
Trumpet.
Emergency JokeLittle Johnny calls the fire department.
"Help! Help! My house is on fire!!!"
The operator speaks calm and slow, "I can help you and your house, but I need to know how to get to you house."
Little Johnny sighs, "You could use those big red trucks."
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain
What do you call a cannibal who works at a university?
Hannibal Lecturer
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.
Turns out that is 9:30 pm.
Astronaut
What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park your car in it man.
Karma.Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
Making an appointment with a therapist is kind of like jumping into a cold pool.
Only difference is one you meet your shrink, the other shrinks your meat.
Since we are doing Bible jokes today: What was the last thing Lot told his wife?
Hey look! You can see our house from here.
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