Have you heard Alanis Morrisette drives a Hyundai EV?
Is it an Ioniq?
My Theft Remains Undetected.I stole a board game from my sister.
She has no Clue.
I went to the doctor's last week and it turns out I'm both gay and dyslexic.
I'm still in Daniel.
What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
My girlfriend is trying to lose weight by snorting cocaine
She calls it 'Diet Coke'
Joined a gym and they put me on a resistance training program.
It's going really well. So far I've resisted training every day this week
Did you know Dolly Parton was terrible at mathematics? She even had a song about it...
"Adding 9 to 5, what a way to make 11."
I just emailed my senator to complain about the economy.
But all I got was an out of office reply.
I quit smoking cold turkey!
From now on I only smoke cigarettes
What did Humpty Dumpty say to all the king’s men?
Yokes on you
Sad news - the man who first got men and women playing tennis together in groups of four passed away last week
RIP Mick Stubbles
Why do lazy people hate origami?
Too much paperwork.
I Haven't Told This Joke for the Longest Time!This guy told me that he has a mortal dread of Billy Joel songs, but he hasn't told his girlfriend.
So, I said, "You should tell her about it."
And he ran away screaming.
When I got to work, there was a mysterious love letter covered in slime on my desk.
Looks like I have a secrete admirer.
I dont want to brag but last year I ran two marathons in 1 day.
My first marathon and my last marathon.
I'm at the age where I no longer care if I look good in photos...
I just wanna look good in CT scans, MRIs, and X-rays...
When I make Eggs Benedict I only use metal plates...
Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.
Surprisingly, intimacy in clown marriages is pretty monotonous.
Nothing but makeup sex.
I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water until,,,
I read the name backwards....
What do you call a rich Chinese guy?
Cha ching!
Took a limo to yoga.
Bit of a stretch.
I told a friend that my aunt is in hospital, passing the time by playing draughts, ludo and mahjong."Any chess?" he asked.
"No. She's gone private."
Just when you think vegetables can’t call
Onion rings
Me: "Dad, can you spell wonton backwards?"
Dad: "Not now."
A hacker once called me and said he has all my passwords
I said, "WHAT!? Hold on. Let me get a pen. Now, what are they again?"
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