An Engineer was unemployed for a long time.He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get $1,000.”
One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”
Doctor: “But this is $500…”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.
She was obsessed with an X.
I quit smoking cold turkey
Now I’m on to brisket and ribs
If Wilson lent Tom Hanks $20...
Tom Hanks would be Owen Wilson.
Bugs Bunny never uses Google Drive to send files.
He only sends a WhatsApp doc.
A lady and gentleman are meeting for the first timeA lady and a gentlemen are meeting for the first time…
Her: “Tell me about your parents.”
Him: “I never knew my father as a child.”
Her: “How come?”
Him: “He’d grown up by the time I was born.”
Are French Army jokes allowed on X (formerly known as twitter)?
If so, I’ll retweet.
Got fired from my job at the bank today
A lady asked me to check her balance…… so I pushed her
Went shopping today, and couldn't remember whether I needed beer and eggs. So to be safe I bought both.
Six of one and half a dozen of the other.
I was going to buy a Nirvana album, but the store was out of In Utero...
So, Nevermind.
Two math functions are buying a house together. The real estate agen says they need to come in for final paperwork.
They need to Sine and Cosine.
Someone told me that black guys like listening to ghetto blasters.
I think that’s a stereo type
My wife saw me weighing myself and said, "No matter how much you suck in your gut, you're still going to weigh the same." ....
I told her, "... I'm just trying to see the numbers..."
My wife and I were touring a daycare when she asked the director, “Does your facility provide baby bouncers?”
I interrupted, “Babe, that’s not necessary. This is one of the safer neighborhoods.”
Why was Captain Picard such a good gardener?
He knew exactly when to, "Make it sow.’"
2 fish in a tank,
one says to the other "do you know how to drive this?"
I tried drilling for oil once.
The most boring job I ever had.
A dishevelled female pig walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Tough day?"
The pig responds: "I'm a frayed sow."
Why was the coffee fired from his job?
He was always latte
Why do reporters love Kellogs Raisin Bran?
Two scoops in every box
I just heard some very concerning news. The singer, Sting, has gone missing…
The Police have no lead.
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
The boogieman.
What did the gangster’s friends call him when he got house arrest?
Home boy
What happens when Rosa Parks gets to the very, very front of the bus?
Rosa Drives.
My sister was asking me how my friend died. I told her it was a skydiving accident.
She said, "RIP". I responded, "Yes in the parachute unfortunately".
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