I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...
Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.
My girlfriend crashed our car this morning.When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.
The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.
i like to throw soy sauce at sad people ...
you know, Kikkoman when he's down
I got fired from the clock factory.
I thought putting in extra hours was supposed to be a good thing.
My neighbour banged on the wall at 4:30am this morning!!!!Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.
They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"
I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"
Current AI-models are closer to PhD-level intelligence
The next release we should expect them to be as intelligent as someone who decided not to do a PhD
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?If you guessed R, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Everyone knows a pirate's first love is the C.
Scientists have discovered a new type of Polar Bear!It exists in both the Arctic and Antarctic, it suffers from depressive episodes with moments of excitation and is sexually indiscriminate.
They've called it the Bi-Polar, bipolar, Bi Polar Bear.
Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?
They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
I’m not saying I’m old, but
I can remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
My daughter wants a purse but I don’t think she’s ready.
Does that make me an antipurseparent?
The clerk at the DMV asked how I pronounce my last name.
I said, “Oh, I use a combination of my vocal cords, tongue, and lips.”
What do you call it when theres 2 places to park your boat, but theres never any space available?
A very frustrating pair o' docks
What’s a scarecrow’s favourite fruit?
Strawberry
That's a great ham you got there
It would be shame if someone put an S in front and E behind it.
I just saw this fella going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet.
I thought: “He’s pushing his luck!”
If you cut off your left arm,
Your right arm will be left.
The word Queue is pronounced like the letter Q
The rest of the letters are just waiting there.
What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A flossiraptor.
What’s your dad’s favorite key on a keyboard?
Who knows, but it isn’t Return.
I bought a smart fridge.
It now knows exactly how disappointed I am every time I open it at 2 a.m.
I told my wife I was going to make a dramatic exit. She said, “Okay.”
Now I’m standing outside waiting for her to notice.
tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament.
It was a complete disaster. Good players are really hard to find.
Found a bottle of belgian beer in my teenager's room
I asked: "What do you have to saison?"
My uncle had to get his Guard Card for his job at the Salem Potion Store
You could say he’s a Registered Hex Defender.
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