Is Buttcheeks one word?
Or, should you spread them apart?
Captain Kirk was going to release a line of lingerie
But the marketing people told him that Shatner panties probably wouldn't sell all that well.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asked the other, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other replies, "I've always been a huge metal fan."
What does a mortician and an electrician have in common?
They're both shocked when they touch a live one.
Pagliachi feels a lot of pain when he sits down, and he's worried he has hemorrhoidsHe goes to the hospital, and the attendant says
'Please state your medical request and your name'
He replies
'Butt doctor, I am Pagliachi'
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
A man who was in court for stealing a bag was sentenced in just 3 minutes
It was a briefcase.
Captain Kirk has 3 ears
His right ear, his left ear and his final front ear.
My wife doesn’t like my obsession with Phil Collin’s music
But I, I don't mind
I heard a reporter on Sky News say, “At least one person killed in suicide bomb attack.”
Yeah, obviously!
Marvel.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms?
The experiment altered his jeans.
What kind of water does a cat drink?
Purrrified water
What do you call a bird with a bad cough?
A phlegmingo
First day back golfing after the winter layoff I hit one under.
One under a rock … one under water… one under a tree…
Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
I’m friends with electricians
We have a real connection
My friend asked me to help round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”.
My wife let me name our kids Ash, Smoke, and Char, our dog Cinder, and my truck ‘Ole Coal Roller.
I guess naming things is my strong soot.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles
My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.
We all might be thinking vegetables dont use phones or can make calls....
Until the onion rings
Why can’t you just throw morning moisture in jail?
It’s entitled to dew process.
Time for some knock knock jokes...Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t work, can you let me in?
----
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peep hole and find out.
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita use the bathroom, please open the door!
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn’t opened so I knocked.
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice joke get any worse?
The Institute of Unfinished Research
has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
My friend took an Uber from the gym...
I was like "Bro, do you even Lyft?"
I've been telling other guys I'm getting ripped on the 300 diet.
My groceries cost 300$ a week and I have nothing to eat unless I cook it myself.
top
