A gynecologist was having a midlife crisis and decided to leave the medical profession to become an auto mechanic.He went to an auto mechanic school, studied hard and eventually it was time for the final exam.
He was amazed when the exam was returned with a grade of 200 and is amazed and said, “I thought the highest you could score on the test was 100."
"It is, normally,” the instructor replied.
“But I gave you 50 for taking the engine apart correctly, 50 for putting it back together correctly and the extra 100 for doing it through the muffler.”
How do you lure a pervert? (NSFW)
Just add the NSFW tag.
What do you call a person who only goes on dates with prostitutes?
A buy-sexual.
Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?
Because they give him case ideas! (Quesadillas)
🎶When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees
Sycamore🎶
What kind of trousers does a ghost hunter wear?
Just a paranormal jeans.
Guy next door stopped by and said, “So I heard you and your family had an amaing time seeing the ebras at the oo.”After he left my wife asked, “Who was that?”
I said, “Just our No-Z neighbor.”
My wife said she wanted to do something spontaneous tonight
So I changed the Wi-Fi password and watched the family improvise.
What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
A Toy-Yoda
Thieves.
Someone broke into our house last night and stole a
dozen eggs.
They also left a pan of boiling water on the stove.
Police believe it was poachers.
A sock, a battery, and a tomato were crossing the street together late at night.Halfway across, a car came flying around the corner.
The sock panicked and sprinted.
The battery froze completely.
The tomato got absolutely flattened.
The sock came back shaking and asked the battery,
“Why didn’t you move?!”
The battery sighed and said,
“I was too drained… and he just couldn’t ketchup.”
I just watched a pirated movie.....
On a scale of 1-10, I'd have to give it 3.14159!
Where do trout keep their money?
In the river bank.
Insecurity.Whenever I get insecure around pretty women, I reach into my pocket and grab a tiny rock…
It makes me feel a little boulder.
Galactic bounty hunters turn me on
What can I say, I have a Boba Fettish.
My daughter said, “Daddy, I saw a deer on the way to school this morning.”
I said, “That’s great, but how did you know it was on its way to school?”
What would a bird say if it wasn’t in a hurry?
“I’ve gotta run now … “
My date at dinner last night said, “You know, for a man, the backs of your hands are absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “Thanks, but I’m not really into backhanded compliments.”
My son asked me, "Why do you sit on that website all day, completely emotionless, looking for things to buy?"
"Amazombie," I replied
What do you call the night staff change at a cemetery?
A graveyard graveyard shift shift.
Did you hear about the guy that fell in the upholstery machine?
He is totally recovered now
How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
Meet Patty
Getting a history degree is not a good idea
There’s no future in it at all
How do you know which of your friends drives a Cybertruck?
Oh don't worry, they'll tell you!
This morning I was passed on the highway by a pickup truck pulling a trailer full of donkeys.
Dude was hauling ass.
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