What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER
What do you call a Mexican who hates protein powder?
No Whey Jose....
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
My frustrated wife said the store was completely sold out of tampons. So I went to the back, spoke with the staff, and came out with a new box. She said, “How in the world did you manage to get those?”
“I pulled a few strings.”
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness
What's a lion's favourite way to cook?
Trick question, they eat everything roar.
I fell in love with my power saw
But it wasn’t reciprocating
I couldn't stay awake in shop class -- the teacher made me memorize a bunch of useless information on power tools.
Until he kept drilling it into my head!
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, “Do you have any books on Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat?”
She replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not. “
I would tell a joke about a paper.
but it's tear-able.
Why don’t bears wear shoes?
Because they prefer bear feet!
My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married.
That’s a lot of near Mrs.
I’m trying to think of an underwear joke
. but I don’t have any clean ones.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Today I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM..
It looked like he was checking his balance.
Why did the chicken movie do well at the box office?
Because it was based on an egg-sisting IP
What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle
It really is
Why was 10 so scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9 11
Hey Siri, why am I so bad with women?
"I'm Alexa you idiot."
Why did the crab never share?
Because he was a little shellfish!
I got a job in a thermometer factory
Unfortunately, it's just temp work
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta
I was vacationing on an island in Alaska, and I thought I saw an eye doctor.
It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
I went to my friend's funeralI asked his wife if I could say a word. She said sure.
I said "earth"
she said "that means the world to me"
I was so broke one time I actually pick pocketed a midget. . .
Who knew I could stoop so low. . .
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