I got fired from the French fry factory for stealing inventory.
They made a big deal out of it, but really it was small potatoes.
Why isn't holy water used in vaccines?
You can't take the Lord's name in vein.
What's the difference between jelly and jam?
You can't jelly a copier
What do you call karate for amputees?
Partial arts
(unsure if it is a repost but found it quite funny)
I hear next saturday is going to be a perfect day.
It's a 10/10.
What annoyed George Washington most about having fake teeth?
Wooden chew like to know?
I'm looking to sell my Delorean.Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
I crossed a four leaf clover with poison ivy and got a rash of good luck.
I was just itching to tell someone.
Can you believe I got fired from the calendar factory?
Just for taking a day off!!
What do you call a goose who transitions?
Transgander
Why don't cows talk to each other?
Cause there's always beef between them.
What are zebras for?
Zeboobs.
My kid was really upset after spelling "apocalypse" wrong in the spelling bee
I said "relax, it's not the end of the world."
My kid said, “Dad, I think I want to be a translator.”
I put my hand on their shoulder and said, “Look, I’ll always support you whether you choose to be a trans now or a trans later.”
Why would a food processing company use fish oil to lubricate their machines?
Because it’s effishent.
A man proposed to his girlfriend on a roller coaster but she said "No".
Everything was going too fast and there were too many ups and downs for her.
I was watching an Australian cooking show, and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue.
I was surprised. Australians usually boo meringue.
I asked my cat where he got hurt
He just said "Me ow"
I explored this really cool cave I found
It was sodalite full
Researching Lee Majors and his wife FarrahSomething I found that's fascinating: I was researching famous known couples from back in the 1970s. I was reading about Lee Majors and his then wife Farrah.
It turns out that they had a pair of twins that when graduating from high school, both decided to attend the University of Cairo (Egypt). They declared their chief course of study to be ancient Egyptian Plumbing methods.
That's right, they became Pharaoh Faucett Majors.
Talking about inventions of the past century with the wife
and I quipped that the dry erase board has to be one of the most remarkable.
I've been trying to write a joke about spices.
I just can't get the thyming right.
I make dad jokes but I have no kids.
I'm a faux pa.
What does a cat stuck in a box say?
Let Meowwww
I thought Dollywood was fake.
That it was Pigeon Forgery.
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