Apparently, you can tell male and female.ants apart quite easily.... Just need to briefly put them in a little bit of waterIf it sinks it means it's a girl ant...
If it floats...buoyant
I saw my doctor today. Showed him the rash on my bum,
but he completely ignored me and kept scanning his groceries through the checkout...
My parrot has died of obsesity.
To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders.
I'm going to solve 1 + 2 + 3 + ... + 100.
I have a 5050 chance of getting it right.
My wife gave me an envelope marked, "Not to be opened until 2027.”
Inside was a list of reasons why I can't be trusted to carry out simple instructions.
I dated a girl with a lazy eye
... until I realized she was seeing someone on the side.
I recently took up this new hobby where I eat a bunch of clocks and watches...
It is very time consuming.
I asked my wife ...How come she was so excited about getting a new car on finance right until the day she bought it home...After that she didn't even bother to drive it for about 90 days
She said it came with 0% interest for the first 3 months
Did you know that ten plus ten and eleven plus eleven are the same thing?
It's true. Ten plus ten is twenty, and eleven plus eleven is twenty, too.
At a work conference icebreaker, we had to go around our table and share something we’d been learning this year. On my turn I said, “I’ve been taking Braille classes, but I probably shouldn’t even be bringing that up right now.” After an awkward silence, someone finally asked, “Why not?”
I replied, “It’s kind of a touchy subject.”
I relabeled all the jars in my wife's spice rack
I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.
A cute blonde and Frankenstein's monster were hitting if off at a bar. She asked him, "Where ya' from, Big Boy?"
He responded, "Oh, all over."
Did you hear about the landmine inspector who got injured on the job?
Looks like he decided to press charges.
what is a Caveman's favorite music genre?Hard Rock
What's a blacksmith's favorite music genre?
Heavy Metal
What's a president's favorite music genre?
Country
What's a roman emperor's favorite music genre?
Latin
What's a rabbit's favorite music genre?
Hip Hop
A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and asks “do you have fish cakes?”
The person behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on count of 3. He says ‘uno, dos’ poof
He disappeared without a tres.
I was crossing the road when I saw my worst enemy get run over.I thought "Blimey! That could have been me."
Then remembered I can't drive.
I went to a wedding the other day and it was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Always say yes to a quick 30 minute drink with your buddy.
Those 90 minutes could be the best six hours of your life.
Why don’t mummies take vacations?
They’re afraid to unwind.
What does an Italian terminator say?
Pasta La Pizza Baby …
My boyfriend dumped me so I stole his wheelchair....
.....guess who came crawling back?
A baker was showing off to his friend saying he could make his dough rise quickest
His friend said 'prove it'
My friend said he just got a job at a bowling alley. I asked him , 'tenpin'?
He said no , permanent
My printer won’t print change.
It makes no cents. Frustrating for sure.
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