A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender
How does a polygamist hippy count all his wives?
One Mrs. Hippy, two Mrs. Hippy...
Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs.
Because they're Inca hoots.
If earth is the third planet from the sun
Does it mean that all countries on earth are third world countries?
Apparently my dad really liked this one so now y'all get to hear itWhy did Moses shatter the tablets of stone?
It was required under Mosaic Law
If New York is the city that never sleeps, what is the city that never wakes up?
Ta-coma
My dad was concerned I was addicted to the radio
I told him addiction largely depends on frequency
The phrase “do not touch” must be terrifying to read…
…in Braille.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear
Open toad shoes
Why do leprechauns not like fool’s gold?
Because it’s a sham rock. ☘️
I saw a marble head poking out of the sand, and dug around hoping to find arms and legs...
...alas, it was a bust.
What do you call an Irishman who’s constantly bumping into and bouncing off things?
Rick O’Shea
I didn't want to watch a horror movie tonight.
But here's The Thing ...
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife
Nothing he was gladiator
I change the wheels on cars for a living.
It's tiresome work.
My mum had a pet elephant. It was so domesticated it even lived inside the house. It was always in the way but she got kind of worked up
So we never talked about it
Did you hear about the new movie about rivers and brooks?!?
It's now streaming!
Someone glued my deck of cards together
I can’t deal.
Don’t go chasing waterfowl
It’d be a wild goose chase
Never iron your 4 leaf clovers…
You never want to press your luck….
What do you call someone in a coma who is insecure?
Self unconscious
Wife kept going on and on about what we should put in the empty drawer. . .
I told her to put a sock in it.
Did you know that the dinosaurs used to compliment desirable mates?
That is what scientists called the Flirtatious period
Came up with this in Turkey. My wife was actually impressedMy wife and I were on a tour van in Istanbul, talking about all the mosques we visited with the guide.
I came up with this on the spot and asked the guide: “Do you know which mosque is the wealthiest in the world?”
I let her think for a few seconds, then said:
“Elon Musk.”
The guide told me jokingly to "get out of the van."
But my wife chuckled and later told me she was impressed. Honestly, that’s all that matters.
What's blue and weighs very little?
Light blue
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