After kissing my wife on the couch she said “let’s take this upstairs”.
“Ok,” I said. “You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.”
I told my wife a hilarious joke about spaghetti but she didn’t get it
It went right pasta
My friend always cracks cancer puns
i don’t like his sense of tumour
My wife is mad at me for getting her a fake rabbit's foot for our anniversary.
I guess that's considered a faux paw.
What’s the key to a good mailman joke?
The delivery.
Did I tell you about my cousin who fell into an upholstery machine?
Don’t worry—he’s fully re-covered!
Your constant urge to look at yourself in the mirror,
reflects badly on your character.
I recently bought a chicken to make some sandwiches.
It doesn’t. It’s noisy and poops all over the floor.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder?
Needless to say, he got a little behind in his work.
What is the least spoken language in the world
Sign language
I recently watched a movie about Greek mythology.
The guy who played Atlas carried the whole thing.
My friend just signed up for Health Insurance
I guess you can say she's a friend with benefits
Do you know why when geese fly in a flying-v formation one side is always longer than then other?
Because there’s more geese on that side.
I once got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.
And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.
What do you call a priest on a motorcycle?
Rev
What's the worst city you can have for breakfast?
San Diego
Did you hear......about the funeral home employee that fell asleep and was accidentally cremated?
I guess two people got fired that day...
RIP Boiling Water!
You will be mist!
What is the difference between a dad joke and an athletic rabbit? One is a bit funny, while the other is a fit bunny.
Some of my posts do well, some don’t do so well
That’s why my fencing business failed
The second grade teacher started interrogating the kids because they were subtracting numbers instead of adding them together.
She wouldn't let anyone go to recess until she got sum answers.
How many dogs can jump higher than a car?
All of them. Cars can’t jump
What do you call two guys holding drapery in front of a window?
Kurt and Rod
Why did the Blonde write on her forehead with lipstick?
She was trying to make up her mind.
Hi Son, I lost all your inheritance by investing in Buffalo Wild Wings.
Bison
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