How do you find a blind man on a nudist beach?
It’s not that hard…
Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar
It'd be a Ford Oar two-door
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit, so I told her that they.../r/DadJokes The Chinese man who invented the camera lens has passed away.
Rest in peace, Zoo Min.
A möbius strip walked into a bar sobbing loudly. The bartender asked, "What's wrong?" The möbius strip replied..."Where do I even begin?"
Grand Dad in front of the TV with his beer: “Starting a war while defending peace is kind of an oxymoron.”Then, immediately after that, a certain political figure begins to speak.
Grand Dad : "And here comes the regular moron !"
We exchanged a quick glance in silence, I nodded, and went to get him another beer.
She asked if I was single.
I knew that could mean only one thing...
I would like to be frank with all of you..
But then I'd have to change my name.
I just saw a cute couple going into the gym.
I'm sure they'll work out
What do you call a twelve-inch poop?
A footstool.
A programmer’s wife tells him, "Go to the store and get a loaf of bread." "If they have eggs, get a dozen."He returns with twelve loaves of bread.
She asks why, and he says, "Because they had eggs."
Why does Beethoven detest chickens so much?
Whenever he asks them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?
It Hertz!
What is it called when an alligator has brain damage?
A reptile dysfunction
I once dated a cross eyed girl
It didn’t work out, we didn’t see eye to eye. I also think she was seeing someone on the side.
If you make your living driving a limousine...
You certainly have a lot to chauffeur it.
Try not to spell part backward.It’s a trap!
Another one from the dad joke calendar I didn’t see posted here yet.
I lost everything playing poker against a tiger
Turned out he was a cheetah
I was going to tell an apathy joke,
but who cares?
If two US immigration agents get a baby...
... is it then an Ice Ice Baby?
Why didn’t the Mortal Kombat fighter buy anything from the store?
He was just Liu Kang
Dad -- Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.Daughter -- What's that got to do with anything?
Dad -- That means it's pasture bed time.
Every day, I ask my wife if she would like me to go get the mail.Every time she replies, "No, I need the exercise."
Then today she asked me to go get the mail and the one time I say, "No, you need the exercise," and suddenly I'm the bad guy.
My farmer friend told me his rooster is good at calming his other livestock
He now labels it as free-rage
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