My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel…
But can’t figure out why My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver!?
A man decides to test his wife…A man thinks his wife might be going deaf, but she refuses to admit it.
So he decides to test her.
One evening, while she’s in the kitchen, he stands in the hallway and says softly,
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response.
He moves a little closer and repeats,
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still nothing.
Now he’s getting convinced she really can’t hear him.
He walks right up behind her and asks one more time,
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She turns around and snaps,
“For the THIRD time… chicken.”
My friend was sad because he didn't know the lyrics to YMCA.
I said young man, there's no need to feel down...
Chuck Norris doesn't die.He just goes to the next level of opponents to defeat.
RIP.
How many books are there based on an evil government with thought police?
Estimates put it anywhere from 451 to 1984
When do you know a Canadian has eaten enough salmon?
When he's had his fill, eh.
If New York is the city that never sleeps, what is the city that never wakes up?
Ta-coma
What is heavy forwards but not backwards?
A ton.
My ex wife got struck by lightning...
Shes now my current wife.
Our son
My wife is always going on about how my stepson is her precious boy right up until he lights stuff on fire. Then it all switches to "our Son this", "our son that"
I was going to tell you a joke about pitchers
But it was a poôr joke
My father said "As one door closes, another opens."
Beautiful man, terrible cabinet maker.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore
Chuck Norris (RIP) only had one hand
The upper hand
looking for some spicy love
look no further buy some clove at your local grocery market
Why is Santa confident?
Because he has good elf esteem!
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