Rofkar Computer Sciences

I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.

Just got my husband with this one
There’s an IKEA desk I want to buy for my loft studio and am about to go out to get it. I lamented however that I will then need to carry a 24kg box up three flights of stairs. He said that when I get back I can pick him up and he’ll help.

‘But you’re heavier than the box’.

Thankfully he found that amusing.

Did you hear about the person who died by viagra?
What a hard way to go

Who's the strongest Arab?
The protein sheikh.

I got cast in a film about a bakery. It’s not a huge part.
Just a small roll

I accidentally drank holy water with my laxative.
I'm about to start a religious movement.

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Cause it would blow his cover.

No, I will not loan you my concealed explosive devices.
They're mine.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Nectarines

I can't take my dog to the park anymore cause the duck's keep biting him.
I should've known it was bound to happen. He's pure bread.

You hear about the guy who was hospitalized for loosing his entire right side?
There's still plenty of him left.

What do vampires eat for dessert?
Diabetics

Train conductor school is tough. I’m struggling with driving, signaling, and navigation, but I’m acing coal shoveling class.
That’s my strong soot.

Easter plans
Wife: So... what are your plans for Easter?
Husband: Same plan as Jesus.
Wife: Uh... what does that mean?
Husband: I disappear on Friday... and show back up on Monday.
Wife: Wow, that's AWESOME. If you do that, l'll do what Mary did.
Husband: Wait... what do you mean?
Wife: I'Il show up pregnant... untouched by my husband.
Husband: ...
Narrator:
And that's how the husband ended up staying home all Easter.

What's the lowest ranking name on a tier list?
F rank

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.
For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

IT Dad jokes
What’s your best IT Dads joke or meme?

Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well…
Well they’re not laughing now

I’ve been training my pet parrot to do pushups.
I want him to have strong pecks.

In 1710, the pirate Blackbeard blew up a hospital full of wounded people.
The english denounced him as a Ter-arrrrr-ist

There are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
That's plane to sea.

I had to delete the U2 GPS app off my phone...
The streets had no name plus I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

"Dad, why are those ants carrying signs and chanting slogans?"
"Son, those are Protest ants."

I told my wife I had an affair with a camelid.
She wasn’t happy. I guess alpaca my stuff and leave.