What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.
Why couldn't the jalapeno practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
My wife says if this post gets over 1000 likes, I can get anal.
Please like because I want this house to be spotless.
Told my wife I was going to see the doctor.She said “which doctor?”
I said, “no, a regular one.”
I'd like to tell you a chemistry joke
But all the good ones Argon.
How does a blind man in Rome get his sight back?He counts to 100.
That way he can C.
How many months have 28 days?
All of them.
I keep hearing that I should try a corduroy pillow.
They’re really making headlines, I guess.
I found the world’s best bratwurst. My sister didn’t believe me.
So I sent her a link.
What do you call it when 2 vegans have drama?
Lettuce
I brought edibles to my buddy’s dinner party…
He said it’s a potluck!
I finally confessed to my wife my addiction to vacuuming.
Honestly, it’s a relief to come clean.
What do you get when you cross a motorcycle with a joke?A Yamahahahaha
It runs on laughing gas
I just learned about something called recency bias.
It's my favorite thing ever.
Why are there no brown bears at the north pole?
They're afraid of the ICE
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?A flat miner.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What did the elevator say halfway though a deep conversation?
Sorry, I think we're not on the same level anymore.
Do you know what the French groundhog sees?
His chateau
Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H₂O. The other man says: "I'll have H₂O, too."
The second man dies.
There’s a lady in my office building who handles all the repairs. I’m pretty sure she smokes weed on the roof terrace. She’s very nice though
I don’t know why people complain about high maintenance women
I think the snowman I built is mad at me.
He has been giving me the cold shoulder all week.
A termite walks in a bar and asks
“Is the bar tender here”?
How do groundhogs know how many trees they’ve chewed?
They keep a log.
How many blue whales are there in the ocean?
All of them
What do you call a deer with no eyes and legs?
Still. No eye deer.
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