Why are there no Latinos in Lord of the Rings?
Because Juan does not simply walk into Mordor.
I asked my Mum if I was ugly.
She snapped back and said, “I told you not to call me Mom in front of people.”
Did y’all know New York is the opposite of Minnesota?
New York is where the big apple is, and Minnesota is where Minneapolis
I can’t come up with any good palindromes.
Dammit I’m Mad
Did anyone hear about the company that makes yardsticks?
The won't be making them any longer!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs!
Asked my wife if I was fat
She said it took attention away from my face.
Why don't Bald Eagles tell knock-knock jokes?..... Because Freedom Rings
I'll fly myself out.....
My dating life is just like Tetris.
I've gotten a few blocks in a row!
My friend thinks he’s an AI living in a simulation, so I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk.
He said, "I can’t. I don't have the drive."
Your pupils are the last part to stop working when you are deceased
They dilate
How do you treat a shoplifter with a bellyache
Kleptobismol
Driving home depressed I saw a sign that said..Need help, Call Jesus 1-800-302-2756, so out of curiosity I did…
A Mexican showed up in a tow truck
I hurt my ankle while on a walk earlier todayMy bf asked me, “Which ankle?”
I said, “The one on my dad’s side.”
What did one hat say to another hat?
You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
If people on keto are in ketosis
then people taking ozempic must be in osmosis!
I can cut a wood in half just by looking at it...
I saw 🪚 it with my own eyes
What is the difference between a battery and a wife
A battery has a positive side
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...
It was just a spare, I guess.
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it…
But nobody saw it.
Why didn't Han Solo like his steak?
It was Chewie.
What would have happened if Jesus had not been crucified on the cross, but Drowned?
In front of every church we would find an aquarium.
What did one fly say to another?
"Your man is open".
A fella was sat in the pub absolutely hammered.
He stands up to go home and falls flat on his face. Crawls to the door and falls again outside. Unable to stand he crawls back home. Manages to pull himself up to open the front door and falls through it. He proceeds to crawl upstairs and somehow gets into bed. The next morning his wife wakes him up shouting “you were very drunk last night” “How do you know” he said. “The pub phoned, you forgot your wheelchair”
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