What did the electrician's wife say when her husband came home late from work?
Wire you insulate
What STD do Jedi's catch?
Sithilis
Why do geese fly south in winter?
because it would take longer if they walked
Why can't we all stand up as one and say no more vaccines?
Having polio makes it hard to stand
Why is it easy to break up with a stormtrooper?
He'll never know what he's missing.
I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you."
I got my husband a "get better" card.
He's not ill, he just really could get better.
I bought a Russian advent calendar.
Every time you open a window, an oligarch falls out.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America.
You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
Why is South Korea the only country that will get into heaven?
It’s the only country with a Seoul!
A guy calls a handyman in a panic: "Help! My front doorknob has been stolen! I can't get in my own home!"
The handyman replies: "Don't worry, I'll handle it."
I told my coworkers I was going to start a band called "1023MB"
we havent gotten a gig yet.
What do you call a crocodile that raps ?
Rap-tile
I was going to make a pun about a Brit winning the F1 World Championship
But I was worried the joke might not Lando.
Daughter made me so proud
We're playing a game where there are words on cards (Codenames, for the curious) and the card with the word "row" was slightly askew. So she reached out to straighten it, and said she "row"tated it (accentuating the "row" part of the word. Proud dad!
My daughter is much smarter than other children
She just completed her Advent Calendar 17 days early
Not to be technical, but...
according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
What do you call a bear with no teeth
A gummy bear
I saw “chicken tongue” on the breakfast menu and thought, “Disgusting! Why would anyone ever eat something that came out of a chicken’s mouth??”
So I got some eggs
What’s a bee’s favorite type of candy?Bumble-gum
(Written by my son when he was 6)
Why does Snoop Dogg like driving?
He likes the “High”-way
How many phones does an amoeba have?
One.
It’s a single cell organism.
What do you call a camel with no humps?
Humphrey
What did the stoner say when he proposed?
Marriage - you wanna?
Why was the soldier so introverted?
Because he was just a little private.
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