What has 10 letters and starts with GAS?
Automobile.
Someone glued my deck of cards together.
I don't know how to deal with it.
I'm never donating blood again! They ask way too many questions...
Whose blood is this? Where did it come from? Why is it in a bucket?!
Name a car that starts with P.Plymouth, Porsche, Pontiac, Peugeot....
Wrong! They all start with gas!
The citizens of Athens have always found it difficult to wake up early in the morning...
Dawn is tough on Greece.
My doctor recommended a brain transplant.
At first I said no but then I changed my mind.
So I went to a beekeeper and asked him for five bees, but he gave me six. I asked him "what's with the extra one?"
He answered "It's a freebie."
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.
My son’s doctor called in a panic and exclaimed, “You need to get to my office immediately! I have dire news.” Very worried, I rushed over to find out what was so critical.When I arrived, he explained, “After a careful review of your son’s charts, I believe that he won’t grow past five feet tall. I’m very sorry to have to deliver this bad news.”
I asked, “OK, but why was this such an emergency? Couldn’t this meeting have waited a few days?”
He answered, “I thought you’d want to know now, although I’m sorry about the short notice.”
What happens, when you're naked in public and the elevator doesn't work?
You'll encounter stairs.
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
What do you call a seatbelt that doesn't work?
A deceit belt.
I went to the doctor today about a suspicious-looking mole.
He told me that they all look like that and I should've left it in the garden.
What do you call a swimming flamingo?
Flamboyant
two pieces of shit meet in the sewer…
one of them says to other “you look a little *flushed* man, you feeling alright”
What do you call a contortionist with the flu?
A sick, twisted individual.
What do you call a herd of baby sheep rolling down the hill?
A lambslide.
How do you know which kidney to donate?
The right one
What's the difference between a dad joke and an athletic rabbit?
One's a bit funny and the other is a fit bunny.
My wife says I insult cheese too much
But I dissabrie
Never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
My friend went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb with him…
…he just can’t part with it! 🤣
What do you call an angry psychiatrist?
A thera-pissed.
Why does lettuce go to the gym a lot?
It was trying to get shredded 🥬
Why is it the worst time to take sides in an argument during dinnertime?
Trick question. It's the PERFECT time to take sides because no one is paying attention. Bring Tupperware.
top
