Rofkar Computer Sciences

The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police have no lead.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We're closed.

What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin

Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system?
The reviews all said one star.

Reading the will
A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.

“To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house, cars, and $5 million,” the attorney reads.

“To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.”

“And finally,”
the lawyer concludes, “to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!”

What did algebra tell calculus on their date?
Nice curves!

Cancer is like a dad joke.
Not everybody gets it; but those who get it, wish they didn't.

I thought that my foot got caught on something as I was walking, but when I looked, nothing was there.
I must be trippin'.

A young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple all wanted to get married at the same small-town church.
The local priest, wanting to ensure they were truly committed, gave them a challenge: they had to go one full month without any physical intimacy before he would perform the ceremonies.

One month later, they all returned. The priest asked the elderly couple if they had succeeded. "Oh, yes," they smiled. "It was quite easy for us." He turned to the middle-aged couple, who nodded and said, "It was difficult, Father, but we stayed strong and made it the whole month."

Finally, he looked at the young couple. They were shifting uncomfortably in their seats. The young man looked down at his shoes and confessed, "No, Father... we didn't make it."

The priest sighed. "Tell me what happened."

"Well," the young man explained, "my girlfriend was reaching for a can of corn on the bottom shelf at the grocery store, and she accidentally dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, the temptation was just too much. I couldn't help myself."

The priest shook his head sorrowfully. "I’m sorry, but if you can't show that kind of restraint, you aren't welcome in my church."

The young man shrugged and whispered to his girlfriend, "That's alright. We aren't welcome back at that grocery store either".

Did you know they are doing digital tests for prostate cancer now?
Yep, the doctor puts their digit right inside you!

*My dad told me this one after he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thankfully he beat it.

Edit: his to their, doctor’s need not be men.

If my name were Marcus, I’d open a mortuary and call it Marcus’s Carcasses.
Would you leave your dead loved ones at a place called Marcus’s Carcasses?

I told my therapist I had commitment issues.
She agreed to see me again... and I never showed up.

What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is a little heavier and one is a little lighter.

Police have revealed there has been a number of robberies at a local bowling alley.
Officials believe the criminals are likely to strike again.

When my son asked what our IP address was...
I pointed to the toilet.

What do you call three guys name Pat?
A Patrick

My wife grumbled, “Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?” I smiled and replied...
“That’s a novel idea!"

I met a dinosaur with really good teeth.
It was a flossiraptor.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs

Why was the clown sent to prison?
Involuntary man's laughter

Did you know Odysseus ate a very unhealthy diet?
All his food was cooked in Ancient Greece.

Why is a baseball stadium always cold?
It’s full of fans

My kid texted me: “I just spilled bleach and baking soda all over the floor. What do I do??” I wrote back: “Throw a blanket over it.” A minute later he replied: “Okay… now what?”
I said: “Nothing. All our bases are covered.”

Former Police Front Man Arrested For Murder
It was a Sting operation

Why don't skeletons ever fight each other?
They don't have the guts.