My daughter was complaining about her mint ice cream saying it tasted like tooth paste.Me: maybe it's not mint, but disappointMINT.
My wife: maybe it's not MINT to be eaten.
Im so proud of her. 😄 🤣
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says he already did it and they all stand there clapping in the dark.
why are chickens good at business?
Because they have lots of buck buck bucks
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It's either her, or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
What do you do when you see a space man?
You park, man.
DadJokers Assemble!!
I need your help! A great DadJoker and friend will be in the hospital for a lengthy stay getting chemo, and I want to send him a Dad Joke a day. Please comment with your best hospital, chemo, cancer, doc/nurse or other related Dad Jokes. There’s 12 million of us here…let’s see if we can heal him with laughter (or groans?). Thanks fam!
How do you turn cake into pie?
Measure the ratio of its circumference to its diameter
I told a joke during my Zoom meeting this morning.
It wasn't even remotely funny.
What do you call a woman who tells dad jokes?
A faux pa
What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
Doug
What do you call a non-binary dad joke?
Apparent.
Let that sink in.
Actually, why is it out there to begin with?
I tried to recruit a team for the hide and seek world cup
But good players are hard to find
I’m often accused of choosing my spouse because I wanted a trophy wife.
But the truth is she chose me because she wanted a participation award husband.
When is a good time to eat apple pie?
3:14 is the pie time!
I'm going to name my dog Beowulf.
He's a Great Dane.
If bridges could talk
it would probably be in Span-ish.
What kind of bees live in graveyards?
Zombees
This morning I found a wooden shoe in my toilet.
It was clogged.
What do you call a nut that sneezes?
A ca-shooo
Why did the zombie get health insurance?
He wanted piece of mind
"Honey, your swimsuit's too small."
"Then stop wearing it!"
Where do parents send their ADHD kids for the summer?
Actually never mind… probably shouldn’t say it.
I tried to start a band called "999 Megabytes."
We haven’t got a gig yet.
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