How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says he already did it and they all stand there clapping in the dark.
I opened the medicine cabinet and a bottle of Omega 3 capsules fell on my head
Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.
I accidentally planted the wrong flowers in my garden.
Oopsie daisies.
Why do archaeology students get all the girls?
Because they study the best dating techniques.
What's the difference between a Vietnamese Restaurant and an Indian Restaurant?
One is Pho Profit One is Naan Profit
How does the rock go to the bathroom?
He dwaynes his johnson.
An Air and Space museum opened up near me and it's just an empty warehouse.
I was disappointed at first but I can't really complain. Its exactly as described.
My son makes me make him paper airplanes all the time, then he complains they don’t fly well
I tell him its because they are stationery
Why doesn't Elton John like iceberg lettuce?
He's more of a Rocket-man.
At the husband's funeral, I walked up to the widow and said "Earth."
She said "Thank you, that would have meant the world to him."
Why do you need glasses in math classes?
Cause it helps with di-vision :’)
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's only got little legs.
Maths
Why should you wear spectacles when you’re studying maths? Because they help with division.
Have you ever thought why you have never seen an elephant hiding in a tree?Have you ever thought why you’ve never seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
Because they’re really good at it.
And why do elephants paint their balls red?
To hide in cherry trees.
And what’s the loudest sound in the jungle?
A giraffe eating cherries out of cherry trees
Grandpa never liked cousin Dale.I always wondered why grandpa didn't like cousin Dale. Whenever dale would come around, Grandpa would brush him off and head outside. When Dale would join us at the dinner table, Grandpa would get up and head to the couch with his meal. He never seemed to like Dale so one day I asked Grandma why.
"Oh dear, cousin Dale went on a hunting trip one winter even after Grandpa told him it was a horrible idea and he'd end up froze to death. Cousin Dale ended up getting frostbite and lost half the piggies on his right foot!" she said.
"So grandpa hates cousin Dale because he went hunting even though he warned him not to?" I asked.
"No sweetie, he's just Lack Toes Intolerant."
My wife woke up sick and asked if we had any cold medicine.
I said, “Sorry babe, all the medicine we have is warm.”
I recently adopted a sheep.
His name is Robert but he goes by Baaaaab.
My kids asked why I brag about how amazing I used to be at Hide and Seek when I’m so terrible at it now.
Truth is… I peeked in high school.
I have a Game Show idea for Colorblind People
It's called Teal or No Teal
Recently installed a shower bar.
Never been sober since.
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie!
Why are we still allowing adult jokes here?A dad joke is something you can tell a child. It's innocent and sometimes dumb, but is never adult in nature.
I know I'm not the first to say this, I keep seeing inappropriate jokes posted.
Edit: After the many replies, I now understand that my idea of a dad joke does not match this subs.
Thanks for educating me on the error of my ways.
I understand I was wrong. The message has been delivered loud and clear.
Can you all please just leave me alone now.
I made a mistake. I get it.
What is the scariest plant?
BAMBOO!
My doctor said I should cut down on sodium.
But I always take his advice with a grain of salt.
I did my math homework on an elevator.
This is wrong on so many levels.
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