Rofkar Computer Sciences

What do you call a cow that had an abortion?
Decaffeinated

What do you call a horny cow?
Beef jerkey

If I bought an axe from Finland and had it shipped to Canada,
I would have a foreign axe sent🙂

Why is bread like the sun?
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck.
I

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now.

I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask…

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.
Batman follows them in.

I had to create a new email address and couldn't decide between Google or Microsoft. I went back and forth, back and forth before I decided to ask my magic 8 ball.
It said "Outlook not so good"

Doctor: “We’ll have your diagnosis soon. We’re just waiting on your X-Ray.”
Woman: “But we broke up 9 years ago!”

At the old timers bar
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks10p.”
They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be
true.The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come
on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully
stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis—shaken, not stirred—and says, "That'll be 10p each,please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis areproduced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p,please." They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you
afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?" "I'm a retired
tailor," the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and
decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liquor, beer—it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of
the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says,
"They're retired people from Yorkshire .
They're waiting for Happy Hour, when
drinks are half-price”.

I saw a man shred 5 lbs of cheese in under 30 seconds
It's the gratest thing I've ever seen.

What do you call a fake potato?
An imi-tater

I'M Going to jeopardy to look for work.
I saw on the news that there was 500 jobs in jeopardy.

A man thought he was a fish
After examination, doctors concluded he was mentally Eel.

A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road"

I don’t really care for coffee
It’s not my cup of tea

My wife told me she is leaving me because of my Star Wars obsession 😱
May divorce be with you! 🤷‍♂️

I have great memories of my redneck Dad from when I was growing up.
He still walked me to school when I was 11.

Because we were in the same grade!

What do you call a cow that can’t give milk?
An udder disappointment.

Recently, I visited my local state park and was surprised to find that an entrance fee is now required to access the trails. On my way out, I asked about the new fee
The park ranger apologized and explained that it was a price hike — feeling puzzled.

An island nation may shrink its official script to 25 symbols: ABCD_FGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
Probably Haiti.

Very proud of my son for this one
After I commented on how big he's getting, he replied

'maybe it's because you've been taking me to the growcery store'

He's 8

If Las Vegas is Sin City
What is Cos City and Tan City?

When I was much younger, I played in a band.
Our name was The Hinges.

We always opened for The Doors.

Dad Jokes to compete with supervisor
Long story short my supervisor likes to do a dad joke before every shift and likes to challenge everyone to have a better one so I need some to throw back at him. Send the best ones ya got no setup or punchlines just straight and direct ones please

Autocorrect is the vein of existence.
It’s my worst enema.