What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybee
Dear optimist pessimist and realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water.I drank it
Sincerely the opportunist
Which US state only sells small coca cola??
Minnesota
Why did the dictionary break up with the thesaurus?
Because it got tired of all the meaningless comparisons!
She left me, saying I have erectile dysfunction.
But the joke's on her; I'll always have a soft spot for her.
The guy who invented Viagra came from my hometown.
We erected a few statues in his honor.
What kind of luggage does a hungry vulture take on vacation?
A carrion!
Why did the spoon agree with the knife?
…because the knife had a point
Have you heard about the dad who built the neighborhood tree house?
He nailed it
Studies have shown that when people become tired or exasperated they exhale heavily.
It’s sighence.
Did you know, milk is fastest liquid on the planet......?
It's pasteurized before you can even see it.
My neighbor couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a get well soon card.
i got a hole in another one of my socks
darn it
I am not a fan of Frozen Pizza...
It's too cold, in my opinion.
Why couldn’t the life guard rescue the drowning hippie?
He was to far out, man!
Not a jokeHubby doesn't like dad jokes so I tell them. So happy when I found this community. I was reading through thecontents of a joke and replied to a comment with 😅. The person I replied to looked up other posts I've made and one of them was in abrathatfits, where I needed to state my bra size. Th person replied to my reply with my bra size and rude comments. I feel so violated and haven't been on dad jokes until now. I didn't respond and didn't/still don't know how to report the person. Comments welcome, if you happen to choose to read this.
Edit: Could someone please explain to me how to find that comment so I can block them? I looked in my notifications but couldn't find it🙏🏽🙅🏽♀️
A one armed dog rides into an old dusty town on horseback
He says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Interviewer: "How much amount of milk does your cow produce?". Farmer: "Which one, black one or white one?"Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 liters per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 liters per day.
Interviewer: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The black one or the White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy...What do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one, the black one or the white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: And the white one
Farmer: Grass
Interviewer: (Getting Annoyed) But why do you keep on asking if black one or white one when answers are just the same??
Farmer: Because the black one is mine
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
I am terrified of elevators!!
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
What do you call a wheel on a chair?
Satire.
What kind of geese do they have on Michigan?
Michiganders.
Can you believe my Kuwaity friend has never heard of Taylor Swift?
It’s like he’s been living under Iraq
I'm donating a lot of things to sit on!
It's for chairity.
What type of geese has no wings?
Portuguese
As a Child, Shakespeare
was very playful.
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