Rofkar Computer Sciences

A pea, a lemon, and a potato were leaving a bar at the top of a very steep hill after a long night.
The pea, feeling quite energetic, shouted, "Lads! We're all round—let's just roll home!" and immediately shot down the hill.

The lemon wobbled after him, but his oval shape made him list violently from side to side, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. The potato followed behind, trundling along slowly.

When the potato finally reached the bottom, he found the lemon leaning against a lamp post, looking very pale and clearly sick. The pea, however, was already jumping up and down. "That was brilliant! Let's do it again!"

The potato looked at the lemon, then back at the pea, and said: "Easy peasy, lemon’s queasy.".

My boss just announced he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
My boss just announced he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I’ve a hunch it could be me.

Did you hear about the new Chinese lightbulbs?
They never burn out, they just dim sum

What kind of pants does a ghost hunter wear?
Just a paranormal jeans.

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?
Because calling him Master Vader made all the stormtroopers giggle

Man: We should go out for a coffee sometime?
Woman: How about 10 tomorrow?

Man: No, that's too many.

Spirit Airlines says they shut down because of the economy
But I know they’re just ghosting me

I used to think rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products…
…turns out those are just stereotypes.

Went to the doctor about my obsessive bragging and he gave me an anti-boasting cream ......
......I can't wait to rub it in.

Killer Whales eating rich people from sinking yachts may look opportunistic...
But it's actually very well orchestrated.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thanks!"

I said, "Don't mention it."

My son came to me and asked, “dad can you explain to me what is a solar eclipse.”
Then I responded to him, “no son.”

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trom Bone!

Who can guzzle 5 gallons of gas?
Gerry Can!

My friend Steve is afraid to fly as he thinks people will laugh at how ugly his luggage is
I told him he shouldn't worry about the worst case scenario

Alcohol.
Scientists have finished a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk.

The results are staggering.

I’m tired of people putting flyers on my car.
I don’t want to see this new band called “Parking Violation” and I’ve never heard of the venue “the courthouse!!!”

I have been informed that drinking too much alcoholic beverages can make you gay.
Apparently when we are drunk, we don't think straight.

I’m afraid for the calendar
It's days are numbered

Senior Citizens
My wife and I went into town to shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an "butthead." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So my wife called him a "jerk." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we offended him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!!

I have a crippling fear of elevators...
so I am taking steps to address that.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.

If I were to work at a used record store...
I would tell every customer that "all sales are vinyl."

I bought my GF,who is an Airport customs Officer,a lovely birthday present all wrapped up nicely in bag.
she said, have you packed this bag yourself or did someone else pack it for you?