Rofkar Computer Sciences

An elderly man accidentally rear-ended a brand-new sports car.
​

The young driver jumped out, furious.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR! You owe me $10,000 right now, or I'm going to beat you half to death!"

The old man looked shaken.

"Oh my goodness," he said. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son - he trains dolphins. He'll know what to do."

"DOLPHINS?" the guy scoffed, rolling his eyes.

The old man dialed his phone. Before he could say a word, the angry driver grabbed it.

"So you're a dolphin trainer, huh?" he barked into the phone. "Well your old man just wrecked my car. I need ten grand RIGHT NOW - or I'm going to beat BOTH of you to a pulp!"

A calm voice replied, "I'll be there in ten minutes."

Exactly ten minutes later.

...a Jeep screeched to a stop.

A man stepped out, walked straight up to the bully, and absolutely flattened him, leaving him groaning on the pavement.

Then the man turned to his father and said,

"Dad. for the LAST time. I train seals. Navy seals. Not dolphins."

Frogs
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Eight senior ladies and Bruce Wayne are waiting at a bus stop
Nana , Nana

Nana , Nana

Nana , Nana

Nana , Nana

BATMAN !

"Son, did you know that if Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened?! Because..."
"Noble gases should have no reaction!"

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal...
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

My son asked why our car has a check engine light
I told him it’s the car’s way of asking for attention.

An old man is driving down the highway when his phone rings.
He answers it, and his wife says,

“Be careful! I just heard on the news there’s a car going the wrong way on the highway!”

The old man says,

“One car? There are hundreds of them!”

What do you get when you cross a dog with an ant-eater?
An aardbark.

My wife is divorcing me because she thinks I'm "too un-American".
I saw this coming from a kilometer away.

I got caught stealing from the coffee shop where I work.
My boss says it’s grounds for dismissal.

My friend told me his mate Jack invented the hot tub.
I said, “Jack? Who’s he?”

Everybody knows that 7 8 9. Question is: Why did 7 8 9?
The doctor told 7, to please eat 3 squared meals a day..

In laughter, the "L" comes first
The rest of the letters come 'aughter' it.

I spent my entire life savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.

I'm a computer programmer.
I brought a new coffee maker into work today, but it broke the first time I used it.

Guess my new Java install didn't work.

Who was the inventor of the fitted carpet??
Walter Wall

What type of Jeans do ghost hunters wear?
Nothing special, just a Paranormal ones.

I bought some chainsaw-resistant clothes yesterday.
They were almost $100 for the set, but at least they didn't cost an arm and a leg.

Whom do you alert when you get stabbed by a con?
The constabulary

A son asks his dad, “Dad, are we pyromaniacs?”
The dad replies, “Yes… we arson.”

What do you call a slow rock climber?
Belaybored.

Where do bad rainbows go?
To prism.

It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to refract.

I can’t believe you thought you could eat a bookcase.
You’re so full of your shelf.

You know a French kiss, but what's an Australian kiss?
The same as a French kiss, but down under.