Family checks into a hotel and father says “I hope the porn is disabled here.”
“Naw, it’s just regular porn, you sick fuck.” replies the front desk clerk.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly a $100.
I lost interest in that relationship.
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN…
…they become VERY ANGRY.
Guys, please don't make any archery jokes.
They make me quiver.
Do you know how rare it is for a cow to get hit by lightning?
Medium rare.
A woman comes home from a doctor's appointment absolutely beaming.Her husband looks up from the TV and asks, "Why are you so happy?"
"Well," the wife says, "the doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the physical attributes and spirit of an eighteen-year-old!"
The husband snorts and says, "Oh yeah? And what did he have to say about your forty-five-year-old rear end?"
She smiles sweetly and says, "Actually, your name never came up in the conversation."
I was changing a flat tire when it fell on my foot
Now I need a toe
I asked my dog what's two minus two.
He said nothing.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asked the other, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other replies, "I've always been a huge metal fan."
What's the difference between a woman in church, and a a woman in the bathtub?One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
(Better said than read)
What do you call an Irish grandmother with heart issues?
Angie O’Gram
26 doors, each with a letter of the alphabet. Which one has the ewoks?
"N" door
Captain Kirk was going to release a line of lingerie
But the marketing people told him that Shatner panties probably wouldn't sell all that well.
Where Did The King Put His Armies?
In his sleevies!
Do you know what a Wok is..?
A Wok is what you throw at a Wabbit when you don’t have a Wifle. 🥲
Shakespeare was rumored to be very dramatic about his morning tea
Turns out it was matcha do about nothing
What do you call a female police officer who plays the guitar
Sheriff
Two old friends on a park benchTwo old friends, Earl (80) and Frank (87), were sitting on a park bench one morning.
Frank had just finished his morning walk around the park and didn’t even look winded.
Earl was amazed and asked, “Frank, how do you have so much energy at your age?”
Frank grinned and said, “Simple… I eat rye bread every single day.”
“It keeps your energy up and gives you great stamina with the ladies.”
On his way home, Earl stopped by the local bakery.
The young woman behind the counter asked, “Can I help you, sir?”
Earl said, “Yes ma’am… do you sell rye bread?”
“Of course we do,” she replied. “How many loaves would you like?”
Earl thought for a moment and said, “Better make it five loaves.”
The baker looked surprised and said, “Five loaves? By the time you get to the third one, it’ll be hard.”
Earl muttered under his breath, “Well I’ll be… I can’t believe everybody already knows about this.”
Did you hear about the two businessmen in Vietnam who struck a mutually beneficial deal?
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
I have my drivers license
but I don't h🥑
I took my dog to a playground by mistake instead of a dog park.
The staff said dogs weren’t allowed… but this time they’d let it slide.
Can someone please tell this old man what tysm means?
Thank you so much
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
Is Buttcheeks one word?
Or, should you spread them apart?
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