The Nurse's Dreaded Words:
After a prostate exam, the doctor leaves and a nurse enters with a worried look. She whispers the words no man wants to hear: "Who the hell was that guy?".
I’ve been trying to come up with some good airplane jokes.
I can’t get any of them to land correctly.
Diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped
The Police have no lead.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
...because they lactose.
I remember when everyone looked at me because I was half human and half horse
I was the centaur of attention
Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game...Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game of hide and seek.
Pascal and Newton are the first to hide while Einstein starts counting. While Einstein is counting, Pascal runs away to find the most obscure hiding spot he can. Newton pulls out a piece of chalk and draws a square with sides 1m long on the ground right in front of Einstein. When he's finished, he stands right in the middle of it and waits.
Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes and sees Newton right in front of him. "Ah ha! I found Newton."
Newton replies "No, you found 1 Newton in 1 square metre. You actually found 1 Pascal."
My doctor told me it’s normal to get aroused and even ejaculate during a prostate exam
Still, I wish he hadn’t
What did the parallelogram say when he got on public transit
oh no I got on the rhombus!
Wife: “You need to do more chores around the house”. Husband: “Can we change the subject?”
Wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you".
Where did Phil Collins record all of his greatest albums?
In the Stu Stu Studio.
I accidentally took my cat’s meds last night.
Don’t ask meow.
Did you know older vehicles with vent windows was called camaro air conditioning?
You open the window and in come air o
Difference between a bad hunter and a constipated owl ?A bad hunter can shoot but can't hit
A constipated owl can hoot but can't.....
Donating your body to science...
... it's a dead giveaway.
What kind if key opens a bakery?
A Cook-Key!
Why didn’t the bicycle drink alcohol?
Couldn’t handle bars.
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?
Because if they fell forwards they’d fall into the boat.
Last January I saw a sign at REI.
"This is the winter of our discount tents."
What does apple give their night shift employees?
I-Bags
If two vegans quarrel with each other...
Is that still considered a beef?
Napoleon was destined to be an Emperor since his childhood because he wasn't like other kids..
I guess you could say he was.. Bonaparte
I’m done with zombies on TV shows.
They’re dead to me.
The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police have no lead.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle
Attire
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