The ousted Nvidia CEO has been linked to three women !...
Now thats parallel processing!
When Princess Leia felt cold, her brother pulled her into an embrace to warm her up. When he asked if he she felt any warmer…
She said she felt lukewarm.
The surgeon came out and said, “Look, I have good news and I have bad news about your son. The bad news is it’s impossible remove the abacus from his stomach, so his abdomen will forever look absolutely disgusting.”
“The good news is, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.”
Microsoft still struggling with outages
The Outlook is not good.
Microsoft’s email system is down and they don’t know when it’ll be restored.
Their outlook is really bad.
Today, the US Mint will officially mint the last US penny and will no longer produce them in the future.
This makes no cents.
I went to my first Pride parade. What a disappointment.
Not a single lion anywhere!
I don't know why everyone's so angry at the NVIDIA CEO.
As far as I can tell, he's just minding his own affairs.
Looking at the way I dress, you wouldn't suspect I was a millionaire
And you'd be right to think that
What do you call a prostitution scam?
A booby trap
I once knew a horse who tried to be a prostitute for a night.
She was a real one-trick pony.
What do the Spice Girls and Microsoft have in common
No male
What did the fly do when he got really sick?
He flu.
What was Icarus’ least favorite food?
Hot wings
How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?I don't know. I've never managed to fit two elephants into a lightbulb.
(Just thought of this. I'm so sorry and I'll see myself out)
Women, to me, are like metric sockets.
A ten is so hard to find
My girlfriend said I'm a useless lazy slob and she deserves much better.
I said, "You woke me at 3 in the afternoon just to tell me that?"
I was in a public bathroom the other day and a guy in a cubicle started going: ‘Aaah, eeee, oooo’
I guess he was having a vowel movement!
Which crayon got stuck on an island?
Maroon.
You left all of your kitchen appliances outside.
Let that sink in.
What do you call a blind chicken?
A Hicken, because it can't C.
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans
If at first you don’t succeed
Then skydiving probably isn’t for you
What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
Last week, I answered the door and standing there was a six-foot-tall mosquito! He thumped me on the head, then left…
The next night, the same mosquito came to the door. He punched me in the stomach and left. The third night, the doorbell rang. As I slowly opened the door, the mosquito pushed the door open, kicked me in the shin and left. I went to see my doctor and explained everything that had happened. I asked him what I should do. The doctor replied, "Not much you can do. There's just a nasty bug going around."
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