Rofkar Computer Sciences

Now that Lake Ontario has been renamed Lake America there's a new acronym to remember the great lakes..
instead of HOMES the new acronym is SHAME

A naval story
A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

Dear Captain,
Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball.
I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance.
They should arrive promptly
at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation.
They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies.
One last point:
No Jews, please.

In a written message, the captain replied:
'Madam, thank you for your invitation.

In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending three of my best and most prized officers.

One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design.

The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern university in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering.

His Masters Degree and PhD In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate.

Finally, the third officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and medical degree from the University of North Carolina.
We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda .

Upon reading the letter the woman was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure.
Her daughter would be escorted by three handsome naval officers (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).

At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform three very handsome, smiling black officers.

Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, 'There must be some mistake.'

'No, Madam,' said the first officer, 'Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes.'

A Calligrapher goes to heaven
A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.
He soon woke up in paradise and spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies.
He had access to the finest selection of inks and paper, so he continued to hone his craft even in death.

The calligrapher would rotate his time between practicing his calligraphy and exploring what more Heaven had to offer. At some point, however, he noticed something: no matter where he went, no matter what activity he engaged in, he saw no angels. It was strange, he thought, that everything else he was told about Heaven ended up being true, but angels were such a strong point of emphasis in the scripture! He asked around, and no other resident had seen any angels either.

How could every other aspect of Heaven be real, but not the entities that were supposed to chaperone it? As he pondered, he suddenly heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" he asked, somewhat annoyed.

"It is I, God!" said He on the other side.

The calligrapher hurriedly opened the door. "Oh my... You! I'm so sorry! I didn't know."

"It is all right, my son," God said. "I am only here to check on you. I like to meet with all of our new residents after they've settled in!"

"It's an honor, truly!" said the calligrapher. "I'm a huge fan of Your work."

God gave a hearty laugh. "And I, yours! I'm always impressed by the craftsmanship of all My children. You know, they say that when an artist gets entrenched in craft, it is as though they are experiencing a slice of Heaven in that moment."

The man thought for a second. "You know, I'd be inclined to agree!"

"So, I suppose the inverse is true, is it not?" said God. "Doesn't Heaven remind you of the most beautiful scripts you can imagine?"

He hesitated to respond. "I'm not sure about that..."

God looked surprised. "What is wrong, my child?" He asked.

The calligrapher sighed. "Well, Heaven is great and all, but it's sans seraph."

Now that an executive order has been signed to make Lake Ontario Lake America…
Does that make Canadian Geese Donald Ducks?

I feel like an imposter, I make a bunch of dad jokes but I'm not a father.
I'm a faux pa

The Earth is flat!
It is mostly covered in non carbonated water.

What did Sean Connery say after he built his bookshelf wrong?
I’m ashamed of my shelf.

What’s the difference between a baby joke and a fetus joke?
The delivery.

Anyone remember the chiropractor joke I put on here?
It was about a week back?

3 golf clubs walk into a bar.
The Putter orders a beer, the Wedge orders a whisky.

The Bartender asks the 3rd one if he wants anything.

He replies, "No thanks, I'm the Driver,"

There are no canaries in the Canary Islands. Same with the Virgin Islands
There are no canaries there either

My friend told me he was to scared to grow an Apple Tree
So I told him to grow a pear.

I said hi in the kitchen but no one replied.
But micro waved

Abe.
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”

“Oh yeah?” the son retorts.

“Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

What do you call two cops having sex?
Copulation

I got fired from my job at the Pepsi factory...
...when I tested positive for Coke!

When I was young and stoned. (accidental dad joke)
When I was young and stoned. a few friends of mine and I went out to get some munchies. in the store I picked up a bag of Cheetos and went to go check out. I am about to pay and this poor cashier asked me "would you like these in bag?" I looked her, then I looked at the chips, looked at her again. I and then I thought (out loud) for everyone to hear "BuT ThEy ArE aLrEaDy In A baG!" In that moment and for a good 5 seconds every one just stopped and just stared at me. after that pause that seemed to have lasted forever my dumb butt just realized what happened so then I just sheepishly said "did I say that out loud. I'm sorry I was all up in my brain matter. no bag please" since then over the last 15 years my friends have never let that go.

I for one
I, for one, like Roman numerals

Why was the clock on the ground?
It was down time

I was the first woman to burn my bra.
It took four days for the fire department to put it out.

-- Dolly Parton

I’ve written a song about a locksmith
There’s a lovely key change at the end

What did the squirrel say to the trees when it saw a huge fire heading their way?
Run forest, run!

What is it called when the lead singer of Rise Against is studying when his wife is having a baby?
Re-education (through labor)

My buddy was telling me about his new hobby of photographing salmon in different outfits.
He says it’s as easy as shooting fish in apparel.