Have you heard Alanis Morrisette drives a Hyundai EV?
Is it an Ioniq?
What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
I went to the doctor's last week and it turns out I'm both gay and dyslexic.
I'm still in Daniel.
Did you know Dolly Parton was terrible at mathematics? She even had a song about it...
"Adding 9 to 5, what a way to make 11."
My girlfriend is trying to lose weight by snorting cocaine
She calls it 'Diet Coke'
Sad news - the man who first got men and women playing tennis together in groups of four passed away last week
RIP Mick Stubbles
When I got to work, there was a mysterious love letter covered in slime on my desk.
Looks like I have a secrete admirer.
I quit smoking cold turkey!
From now on I only smoke cigarettes
I'm at the age where I no longer care if I look good in photos...
I just wanna look good in CT scans, MRIs, and X-rays...
I dont want to brag but last year I ran two marathons in 1 day.
My first marathon and my last marathon.
What did Humpty Dumpty say to all the king’s men?
Yokes on you
When I make Eggs Benedict I only use metal plates...
Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.
I told a friend that my aunt is in hospital, passing the time by playing draughts, ludo and mahjong."Any chess?" he asked.
"No. She's gone private."
Me: "Dad, can you spell wonton backwards?"
Dad: "Not now."
A hacker once called me and said he has all my passwords
I said, "WHAT!? Hold on. Let me get a pen. Now, what are they again?"
What do you call a busty bodybuilder who can play the guitar?
Muscle mammary
I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water until,,,
I read the name backwards....
I just emailed my senator to complain about the economy.
But all I got was an out of office reply.
Just when you think vegetables can’t call
Onion rings
At dinner, my date asked what my favorite movie was. I said, “Well, recently it’s Aquaman.” She said, “Oh, that’s a good one! Except what’s the deal with him insisting on tuning his harp in front of everyone?”
I said, “Oh, that’s just a tension sea king behavior.”
What do babies do on the internet?
Google gaga
How many Communists does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, for the lightbulb contains the seed of its own glorious revolution..
Why did the prairie dog go to the bank?
It needed to burrow some money
Thought I’d try and get a Broadway award for a fake play about pasta.
Turns out you can’t rigatoni.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Biting into an apple and finding HALF a worm.
top
