Why was Captain Picard such a good gardener?
He knew exactly when to, "Make it sow.’"
I just heard some very concerning news. The singer, Sting, has gone missing…
The Police have no lead.
A dishevelled female pig walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Tough day?"
The pig responds: "I'm a frayed sow."
Got fired from my job at the bank today
A lady asked me to check her balance…… so I pushed her
Toilet paper is the MVP of the bathroom
It's been on a roll
Promised my wife I'd fix the leaky tap three years ago.
It's a running joke now.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I went to the doctor because I kept thinking I was a pair of curtains
He told me to pull myself together
what's the difference between a Vietnamese restaurant and an Indian restaurant?
One is pho profit, the other is naan profit.
What's the smallest knife in the kitchen?An 8 inch chef's knife.
Seriously -- can you image just how small the knives would have to be for an 8 inch chef to hold them?
What is the best way to boot Windows 11?
Out the door.
Did you know Dracula's girlfriend has an onlyFangs?
Heard she was a battie
My coworker that I've worked with for 14 years is retiring and I need a good on-theme dad joke to put in his card.Edit: I used 2 of the jokes (the lightbulb one and the "who likes Mondays" one) and they went over great!
Thanks all!
Why was the coffee fired from his job?
He was always latte
My girlfriend told me there was a skinny pervert at the Halloween party last night dressed as a pickle-flavored pancake, making inappropriate comments to all the women.
I said, “Sounds like a disgusting crêpe.”
Amazon.
What do you call two apes that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
A box of chocolates has about 5,400 calories.
Don’t eat the box and you’ll be fine.
Auto-targeting the enemy is not a new technology.
It was made a sentry ago
Whats a ghost’s favorite car?
A Boo-gatti
Where do sick kangaroos go?
hopital
Bugs Bunny never uses Google Drive to send files.
He only sends a WhatsApp doc.
What does a bird of prey do when it accidentally swallows some feathers
Hawk tuuuaaaaahhh
What do pirates do for exercise?
Planks!
Did you know that Spider-Man has a Winter jacket made out of flatbread?
It's a Pita Parka
Where's the best place in the UK to neatly store away your cats?
Felixstowe
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