What's the gender of a doorbell?
Male, because it has a ding dong.
What do you call a hooker who is great at keeping time?
Whorologist
I just heard the sad news
About Dolly parting. 😢
I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles
I'm experiencing constant vowel movements
Driver Instructor to driving student “ You are driving, there is an old woman and a young child in front of you, what do you hit?” Driving Student “ Well I guess I would hit the old woman, the child has their whole life ahead of them.”
Driver Instructor “You hit the Brakes!”
My dog got into our scrabble box and ate a whole bunch of word tiles, we rushed her to the vet and are still waiting.
No word yet.
A trip to the grocery store
I was having a birthday party for my niece and wanted to make her cake, so I went to the grocery store. Much to my dismay, all of the baking items I needed were on top shelves, out of my reach. A Viking saw my predicament and asked if he could help by letting me sit on his shoulders to get what I needed. In just a few minutes, I had everything so he put me back down. I shook his hand, thanked him, then asked him his name but he said he didn't have one. I then realized...I'd been through the desserts on a Norse with no name.
What kind of key can open a banana?
A monkey
What do you call a hippie's wife?
Mississippi.
What do you call a mouse that swears?
A cursor
I’m opening a funeral parlor for people of no specific faith and calling it
Die Agnostic Services
I’d love to tell a cash machine joke
but i haven’t got one atm
An Egyptian mummy has been found covered in chocolates and nuts
archaeologists believe it could be Pharoah Roche
I asked my sister what to get my niece for her birthday
She said she's really into Frozen stuff, so I got her some oven chips and peas.
If you put a picture of yourself in a locket, you could say you were…
…independant. 🤣
I couldn't find my clock, phone or watches ... I had no clue what time it was...
Then it dawned on me...
I was dating a girl at the office named Lorraine…We had gone out for a while. A new cute girl named Claire Lee started working in our group. I really liked her but still liked Lorraine. After a month or so, Lorraine got transferred to another city.
It was fine. I can see Claire Lee now. Lorraine is gone.
I recently went to a gas station in Minneapolis and I was surprised that they sold those big 2-liter bottles of Pepsi and Coca Cola.
Because in that state I thought they would only sell a mini soda.
Why couldn't the lumberjack finish school?
Anytime he SAW his homework he was stumped. Couldn't HACK it.
Most knights during the Middle Ages were only moderately terrible.
They were mid-evil.
My boss fired me from the auto parts store for stealing. I don’t know what his problem is. It was his idea.
Every day, he told me to make sure I take brakes.
Remember when you were little you could just rip ofi all your clothes and run around naked.Everybody thought it was cute and funny.
Anyway I need bail money.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Why do bees stay in their hives over winter?…
…swarm. 🤣
Dad jokes at the cemetery
Dad: Who died?
Person: My son, he crashed the car, sneaking out to go to a party.
Dad: I can see why you grounded him.
top
