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Tuesday, August 4, 2026

Humor

Get a Life! / Audio / Headlines

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Headlines

Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution
A man was driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he saw a sign that said, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution – 15 mi.’

Being tired, he thought it was just a figment of his imagination and drove on without a second thought.

Not too long after he saw another sign that said 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 mi’ and realized the signs were real.

When he drove past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity got the better of him and he pulled into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot was a stone building with a small sign next to the door:
Sisters of Mercy

He climbed the stairs and rang the bell.

The door was answered by a nun in the customary black habit who said, 'What can we do for you, my son?’

He answered, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.’

'Very well, my son, please follow me.’

He was led through many winding passages and was soon disoriented.
The nun stopped at a closed door and said, 'Please knock on this door.’

He did as he was told. This door was answered by another nun holding a tin cup.

This nun said, 'Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.’

He took $50 out of his wallet and placed it in the second nun's cup.

He trotted eagerly down the hall and slipped through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locked behind him he found himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign.

The sign read:
Go in Peace.
You Have Just Been Screwed
by the Sisters of Mercy

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She grew out of her b-shells
My wife asked me to spoon in bed...
but I'd rather fork
Jabba was going to propose to Leia.
But when the time came, he choked.
A repairman came to fix my oven today
He says, “I found your problem. It was a bad transformer.”

I replied, “I think those are called decepticons.”

True story.

Can one of the boys help me carry this fuel tank?
'Jerry can'
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
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My wife said that if anything should happen to her, I should see other women.
She just stubbed her toe on the bed frame, so I guess I'm avaliable.
Breaking ground.
Did you know the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?
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A policeman showed up at my office and made me give it back
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Starring Cameron Diaz
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Thanks for the clap.
I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just ironed.
I watched it all unfold
Why don’t dentists date?
They’re used to people only opening up when they’re in pain.
Why shouldn't you eat the dice at a casino in Las Vegas?
It turns into a game of "craps" 💩🎲🎲
What do you call having a conversation on the toilet?
Shit Shat
It’s really hard to show how much I respect
Blind people
What do you call a dog in winter?
A chili dog 🥁
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I knead you
It's a Civic Holiday today in Canada (no, really. Every August).
That would explain all the Hondas on the road.
What do you call a cow that had an abortion?
Decaffeinated
What do you call a movie about the history of yogurt?
submitted by /u/Dry_Suspect7253
[link] [comments]
My Latvian friend Antoni loves pasta…
Everyone calls him Riga Tony!
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"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." - Abraham Lincoln

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