An Irishman went into a department store and asked the sales assistant:“Do you sell potato clocks?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied, “I’ve never heard of such a thing. We sell digital clocks, alarm clocks, carriage clocks, cuckoo clocks and even grandfather clocks, but what exactly is a potato clock?”
“I don’t know either,” replied the Irishman,
“but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and my wife said to me:
‘You’d better get a potato clock.’”
Why does Sherlock Holmes always get a tax refund?
He’s a master of deduction!
I had this patient whose wife tried to cut off his penis and missed cutting his thigh instead.
She was still charged, with a missed-a-wiener.
Dad Joke "Book Titles"Growing up, I remember my Dad had a bunch of fake books and authors that were the height of Dad jokes...
I'm positive this is an actual "genre" of Dad joke and others out there must have more to add, so I'll start with my 2 favorites that I remember and let's see if we can create a whole Dad Joke Library...
"The Yellow River" by I.P. Freely
"The Tiger's Revenge" by Claude Balls
Shout out to my grandma
Because that's the only way she can hear
My waiter asked me how I like my steakSo I told him I like my steak like me winning a argument with my wife…
So the waiter said "rare it is"
Who is Frosty's favourite Aunt?
Aunt Arctica
I’m so sick of my new phone. Autocorrect keeps changing “Surely” to “Shirley”
Must be stuck in Airplane Mode…
My Doctor said I should limit my drinking to special days only.My Psychologist said I should make every day a special day.
It’s not my fault that they don’t talk to each other
I asked my wife if she wanted to role play as a CPA for tax day
She said she wasn’t intuit
What do cows like to read?
Cattle-logs 🤣🤣🤣
f(x) walks into a bar…
The bartender said: “Sorry, we don't cater for functions."
"t" and "g" are really close on the keyboard...
That's why I've learned my lesson and I'm never going to sign off my emails with "regards" ever again.
What did the dad say when he put the car in reverse?
This takes me back
Do you have holes in your underwear?
If you said no, then how do you get your legs through?
Oh, no! Our neighbor died!Who, Ray?
Honey, it's not the appropriate time to cheer.
Just ignore the tin foil hat I guess
A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
People think grass don’t be wet in the morning.
But it dew
I'm a ventriloquist without a dummy
According to the doctor the technical term is "schizophrenic".
What do you call it when a journalist irons their underwear?
A press brief.
What did the Mexican kid say when they cancelled Looney Tunes?
Porque pig.
How do you find out how many vampires there are?
You Count Draculas
What can be done for a person who is becoming invisible?
Put him in the ICU
My next door neighbour mowed the grass every day of his life until one day when he woke up and saw his garden completely bare.
He went around looking forlorn.
How do bachelors do their taxes?
in single file!
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