What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
A Father in Law
A dragon would never explode.
But a dino might.
I can still remember what my grandfather said right before he kicked the bucket.
He said, “How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Why is cyclops in charge of the X-Men?
Because professor X made him a super visor.
My son got fed up with me saying things were wack.
So he started counting and announcing how many times I said this or that was wack. I finally sat him down and explained it was inappropriate to tally wacks.
Dad: Did you know your mother grew up in a coven? Daughter: No! Which one?
Dad: yes exactly
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
Da Brie is everywhere!
What do the lady reindeers do on Christmas eve? [NSFW]
Head to town and blow a few bucks.
Please, no jokes about the passing of singer and 'Rocky Horror' actor Meat Loaf.
For a great many people that's a rather tender subject.
How does anyone learn origami?
Seems like everyone folds right away
Why do ducks have tails?To cover their butt quacks
Alternatively,
Because Sonic won't pay the ransom
Both courtesy of my 5 year old!
What do you call a rectangle that just saw an attractive woman?
Erectangle
What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
671 Hallmark Christmas movies.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
You cancel its credit card.
Why did the carpenter know his wood was cut in half?
Because he saw it.
I was confused by when my printer started playing music…
Until I realized the paper was jamming.
I’m confused, how can a funeral home can raise its prices..
And blame it on the cost of living.
I got let go from my job as a waiter.
Boss said I just didn’t bring enough to the table.
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of itHe rings the police and says he thinks he’s found a bomb in a sandwich.
Operator: is it tickin?
Paddy: no it’s Ham and Cheese
Couldn't decide where to take my car to clean it
After comparing multiple places, it ended up being a wash
I asked my dog what is the outer layer of a tree called?
He replied Bark!
I wonder
I wonder what satan does with all the dyslexic childrens letters to Santa
What state has the smallest soft drinks?
Minnesota
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What do call an alligator that wears a vest?
An investigator…..
top
