It's probably just as well McDonald's never put a sirloin sandwich on the menu.
It would have been a McSteak.
I have a fear of driving under bridges with passengers in my car.
I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
How much smaller is the EU after Brexit?
1 GB.
Where in a hospital would u find decaffeinated coffee?
In decaffeteria.
I used to have an uncontrollable obsession with buying large boats.
Thankfully, the antibuyyachtics worked.
Why did someone name their dogs Timex and Rolex?
Because they were watchdogs.
A sheik is trying to buy up every fish and chip shop in the UK
He's called Sultan Vinegar.
What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and bolts
What type of pasta are you not allowed to put on the table?
Elbows.
My sister met her husband at a Scrabble tournament 20 years ago.
Next week they are going to renew their vowels...
Happy Pythagorean Theorem DayIf you get my angle, it just seems so right for those followers of three sided shapes.
This joke has a best before date of 10^2 + 24^2 = 26^2
People who sell meat are gross
People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
Due to the rental rental car company’s negligence a man was thrown through the windshield. As he hit the pavement he was heard to yell:
“Damn that Hertz!”
Our hearts go out to the family of Bob, after his unfortunate accident with the combine.
He is very much mist.
I was shocked to read in the papers today that a midget has been pickpocketed...
How could someone stoop so low...
No one wants to be as dumb as a rock
but everyone wants to be as smart as ein Stein
This is my cake day joke
It has layers
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents go to work?
To day scare
Where do Zombies Usually Live?
Dead ends.
Our hearts go out....
To all the autopsy surgeons in the world.
Health professionals are a lot funnier than they get credit for
My orthopedic surgeon had me in stitches.
Have you heard of the benefits of dried grapes?
I’m all about raisin awareness.
Despite common beliefs, Pontius Pilate didn’t invent Pilates…
He invented CrossFit!
What is Snoop Dogg's favorite weather?
Drizzle
Monster movie in which the gill man learns to stir fry.
The Creature Woks Among Us
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