The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.
RIP Pam Flett and her husband, Lee.
Unpoplar opinion: The Doors were a jamb band.
And they could really swing.
Did you hear about the priest who stapled his testicles together?
He figured if you can't beat them, join them.
Johann Sebastian Bach had 20 children.
No wonder he was Baroque.
Last night I tried to read the entire dictionary, but I didn’t make it..
I got up to P
My son showed me a picture of his new girlfriendShe was dressed in full hockey gear including pads, a mask, gloves and a blocker.
I said "congratulations. She looks like a keeper."
Which type of doctor is most available?
An on-call-ogist
What do you call a woman with a peanut allergy?
Anna Phylaxis
A woman proves she can take on heavy projectsA woman was tired of people acting like she didn’t know how to do things around the house, so one day she decided she was going to prove she could handle a big project all on her own.
While her husband was at work, she decided she’d paint a couple of rooms.
Later that afternoon, her husband came home and immediately smelled fresh paint.
He walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor, exhausted and dripping with sweat — wearing a heavy parka over a leather jacket.
He rushed over. “Are you okay?”
She said, “I’m fine. I just wanted to prove I could do this myself.”
He looked at her and asked, “Honey… why in the world are you wearing a jacket and a parka?”
She pointed to the paint can and said:
“Because the directions say: For best results, put on two coats.”
What did the soldier say when he was shot in the crotch?
Re-member me!
I used be an archaeologist, but I had to stop
My career was in ruins!
If you know any good fish puns
...please let minnow.
What do you call 10% of a Jeep Grand Cherokee?
A Jeep Hundo Cherokee.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people
but none of them work
My grandfather was quite sick. The medicines weren't working so we tried covering his back with lard.
After that he went downhill very quickly.
Why did the airplane engine stop listening to the pilot?
It had thrust issues
A chicken was found dead in his coop.
He was a victim of fowl play
What do you call somebody that has no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What is a police officer’s favorite thing to wear?
A pull over
Microsoft just entered the domestic appliance market with a new vacuum cleaner
It's the first thing they've done in quite some time that didn't suck.
What musical artist only sings commercials?
Ad Sheeran
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk
I found out that my Honda is getting married.
It’s a Civic engagement
What are two witches, that live together?
Broommates
I got gas for $1.49 today
Unfortunately it was from Taco Bell
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