Very proud of my son for this oneAfter I commented on how big he's getting, he replied
'maybe it's because you've been taking me to the growcery store'
He's 8
If Las Vegas is Sin City
What is Cos City and Tan City?
I found out that the library is the tallest building in town
It has the most stories..
Heather and Marie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.Marie is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Marie cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day,” replies Heather.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
What do you call a cow that can’t give milk?
An udder disappointment.
"Dad, I can't find Mom in the house. Do you think she's on the roof?"I consider that *highly* unlikely.
(Actual conversation with my 8-year-old this evening.)
What do you call it when JK Rowling visits the ocean?
Surf 'n' TERF
you probably don’t know how to get rich in the field of metallurgy.
I don’t know either but you can start by mining your own bismuth .
What's so great about elevators?
They're uplifting.
i met this pregnant woman at the libraryshe was on the floor crying, i asked what's wrong
she said: "i'm very overdue"
i replied: "oh don't worry, the fines aren't that hefty here"
Which animal has the largest chest?
A Z-bra
I looked out the window and saw it started raining coins
I guess that could be blamed on climate change.
I was on a cruise in Egypt when I fell overboard. I couldn’t believe it!
I was in the Nile!
Did you hear Alexander Graham Bell was in a play but gave a lousy performance?
He really phoned it in
Diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
A patient asks where he should put his pants before the exam.
The doctor replies, "Over there, beside mine".
For months they kept throwing gold coins at me
Turns out they were Bullion me
The Nurse's Dreaded Words:
After a prostate exam, the doctor leaves and a nurse enters with a worried look. She whispers the words no man wants to hear: "Who the hell was that guy?".
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
I’ve been trying to come up with some good airplane jokes.
I can’t get any of them to land correctly.
At first, it was cute when my daughter started dressing like a dolphin.
But now, her act is wearing fin.
My Jamaican friend invited me to a barbecue, but I had to refuse.
The steaks were too high.
How do the CIA like their curries?
spycy
If you have no interest in lending out money.
You are not a loan.
top
