Rofkar Computer Sciences

In response to the recent mass exodus, have you seen the latest lineup of artists performing during the Freedom 250 concert?
Lady Maga

Red Hat Chili Peppers

Magadeth

Impeaches & Herb

the Magas and the Papas

Earth, Wind & You're fired

Supertrump

8y/o: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dad: Why?

8: To get to an idiot's house.

D: ???

8: Knock, knock.

D: Who's there?

8: ... The chicken.

(I don't think he made this one up, but it made me laugh and I'd never heard it!)

You've heard of Pop Tarts. Why are there no Mom Tarts?
Because of the pastryarchy.

On a roll today!
I'm on a roll today!

Watching Frozen with the wife and kids.

Anna sings, "Why have a ballroom with no balls?"

Me: Oh! I know the answer to that! Its because it's not a secure location!

Wife: *dumbfounded look* What?

Me: Yeah, it's not very secure if anyone can Waltz in there.

Wife: "OH MY GAWD!!!"

Me: 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Just got my husband with this one
There’s an IKEA desk I want to buy for my loft studio and am about to go out to get it. I lamented however that I will then need to carry a 24kg box up three flights of stairs. He said that when I get back I can pick him up and he’ll help.

‘But you’re heavier than the box’.

Thankfully he found that amusing.

Someone in my family group chat mentioned meeting someone who lived in the South Pacific and had eaten dog, which was considered a delicacy
The chat then devolved into everyone offering their favorite dog dishes, including:

Pugs in a blanket

Lab Rangoon

German shepherd pie

Chicken poodle soup

An everything beagle with lox and cream cheese

Spanielkopita

And, for dessert, Boston Terrier Cream Pie

What would you all suggest?

My friend's last girlfriend threw every bill in the fireplace.
Her name was Bernadette

I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.

What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesi-tater.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man!

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Nectarines

my never failing joke
I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

Two kings and three queens came into my home, but there was barely enough room for everyone
It was a full house

There are two HVAC companies in my town, and they sure don’t like each other.
It’s quite a heated rivalry.

Did you hear about the person who died by viagra?
What a hard way to go

I told my wife we had to split up when I had to start on insulin injections…
The instructions clearly state “single patient use only”. She just looked at me and turned the bedside lamp off. I could tell she was delighted.

The janitors at my office are all smoking weed.
They're high maintenance people.

i'm giving up drinking for a month.
typo sorry

i'm giving up. drinking for a month!

#itsnotdryfebruary

Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Cause it would blow his cover.

What’s the name of the website that keeps you hot in cool weather
Only Fans

I accidentally drank holy water with my laxative.
I'm about to start a religious movement.

There was a dude who sued SmartWater for not making him smart.
I’d like to formally declare my intent to sue Chocolate Thins.

Who's the strongest Arab?
The protein sheikh.

My wife got annoyed when I climbed down a 150 ft concrete hole
She got me back out again, and I said "I just haven't been feeling well enough."

When I woke up today
I felt dismayed