To all the Dad's out there...
Happy Father's Day motherfuckers!
I rented a limo for $500 and just found out it doesn’t cover the cost of a driver
I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it
We were at a campsite in a national forest when a Ford pickup with "National Park Service" drove by. My wife said "that must be the park ranger."
I said nope, too big. Thats the park F-150.
I asked a German girl for her phone number.
I'm still waiting for the rest of it, as she's only given me the first number. "Nein".
Life is a lot like flying a helicopter
I don't know how to fly a helicopter
I immediately woke up my puppy when he started mumbling in his dream about the earth being flat.
I don’t let sleeping dogs lie.
My boss asked me: why I am sick on week days only?
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Just once I'd like someone to call me Sir without the added
"You're causing a scene. We're going to have to ask you to leave."
What was the baby computer’s first word?Data.
(Figured this was a good one for Father’s Day)
What is the fastest male fruit?
Mango
Him: “Oh no! Our neighbor died!” Her: “Who? Ray?”
“Look, I wasn’t his biggest fan either, but I don’t think celebrating is appropriate.”
I learned today that fathers are like a subtraction problem.
They make a difference.
What’s Peter Pan’s favorite restaurant?
Wendy’s
To who ever stole my anti-depressants….
I hope you are happy now
This dadjoke subreddit is really importantMy humor goes father here
Ps. Happy Father’s Day!
I used to look up to my dad
But then I got taller!
happy father's day!one of my friends told me years ago that his daughter came up to him and said, DADDY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
he said thank you and she should let her mommy know that too. so she went to her mommy and said, MOMMY! I LOVE DADDY SO MUCH!
happy father's day, all!
I poured ketchup in my eyes
With the benefit of Heinz-sight, I shouldn't have.
I went into the workshop to get my stepladder and started to cry….
I never knew my REAL ladder (sob).
My paper plane won’t fly
It’s completely stationary
I’ve got a song in my show about the combination for my safe.
It’s the opening number.
Times are so tough these days.
I might have to downgrade from LGBTQIA+ to LGBTQIA with ads. This joke is in honor of Pride Month! Happy Pride to all who celebrate!
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I was driving past the jail when I saw a very short man climbing down the outside of the fence….
I think it was a little condescending……
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