I was having a prostate exam and the Dr. told me to take my pants offI asked, "Where should I put them?"
Dr replied, "Over there with mine"
I tripped over a box of Kleenex and I thought I was terribly injured
Turns out it was just soft tissue damage.
Whoever came up with the term "dentures" missed the opportunity...
...to call them "substitooths".
What do you call a 7 with a flu?
Sick seven
What do you call a Mexican who hates protein powder?
No Whey Jose....
What do you call a guy with a car on his head?
Jack
My wife panicked when our son swallowed the cake topper from his second birthday. I said, “Babe, relax…”
“…this two shall pass.”
Just changed all the labels on my wife’s spice rack.
She hasn’t noticed yet but the thyme is cumin!
Ask asked a group of French people if I could tell them a jokeOne of them replied "mais oui"
I said "of course, but let me tell mine first"
My friends Ella and Sam are no fun
Every restaurant they go to together gets shut down
What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
I wanted to take a Bad Joke Writing seminar, but it was out of town and they didn't allow attending on Zoom.
I guess you had to be there.
The giraffe with the short neck felt very sad.
She just wanted to belong.
I needed help transporting a cow…
So I called a moover!
What do you call a man who's finished digging....
Doug
Netflix realitySo, my wife and I were watching a reality show on Netflix where a guy tells his girl that he’ll go to the deepest end of the earth to fight for their relationship.
My wife turns to me and asks - would you do that for us?
I said, the guy is probably one of those flat earthers.
How does a Vietnamese person feel when they are served crappy phở?
Hanoied
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinicThe nurse asks their blood types.
Priest: "I'm A positive"
Minister: "I'm A negative"
Rabbit: "Not 100% certain, but I'm prettty sure I'm a Type O"
I like some primates more than others…
It’s a gibbon take!
All my kids’ pottery fell on the floor and smashed
I blame my shelf
I’ve recently been trying to get my foot in the door of the elevator repair business.
Long story short, I now have a prosthetic leg.
What is every pro boxer’s favorite rock group?
Smashmouth
Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast ?
Because one egg is un œuf for them
I have a pen that can write underwater
It can write even more words, too!
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