My son told me trees poop. I said no they don't.
He replied, 'Then where do number 2 pencils come from?'
What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized...
I don't even have a coconut...
I lost my virginity when I was a teenager at a weight-loss camp. She was, by far, the largest of all the other campers there. At one point she looked down at me and said I was her first crush.
…and she left quite an impression on me.
Why did the ram go off the cliff?
He didn't see the ewe turn.
I broke two of my dads Queen records...
Now I want to break three.
Star Wars fans: Where do you take a sick Taun-Taun?
To a Hoth-pital!
Why should you never clean your teeth with the left hand?
Because a toothbrush is much more effective.
What is the cleanest animal in the savanna?The hygiena (credits to my 12yo son)
And the dirtiest animal? The unhygiena (credits to my 10yo daughter…)
What’s the internal temperature of a Taun Taun?
Luke warm.
Being born the day after April 1st and avoiding your birthday being a joke all your life is
Fortuitous
When my wife is depressed I let her colour in my tattoos.
She just wants a shoulder to crayon.
I just bought a book titled 'how to stop procrastination',
I'll read it tomorrow
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom!!!
A brain and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar
The bar man said, "You're going to have to leave. You're out of your head, and you look like you want to start something"
Last night my wife said, “why don’t we go lie in bed and watch TV?”
So i laid down in bed and said “ that dinner you made was delicious!”
Flat earthers.
The only thing that flat earthers have to fear …is sphere itself .
IDK how some people have problem sleeping...
Like, its so easy that i can do it with my eyes closed.
What’s an astrologists favorite vegetable?
Capricorn
I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour
Not the Apple Watch she was expecting
Why are babies born on March 31 the easiest to prank on April Fools’ Day?
They were literally born yesterday.
Why ghost are white?
because they dye too little
My wife stole a key off my keyboard
She just needed space
What kind of rain is always dry?
Ter-rain.
Why was everyone tired on April 1?
Because they just finished a long 31 day March.
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