If New York is the city that never sleeps, what is the city that never wakes up?
Ta-coma
How does a polygamist hippy count all his wives?
One Mrs. Hippy, two Mrs. Hippy...
Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs.
Because they're Inca hoots.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender
If earth is the third planet from the sun
Does it mean that all countries on earth are third world countries?
I change the wheels on cars for a living.
It's tiresome work.
Apparently my dad really liked this one so now y'all get to hear itWhy did Moses shatter the tablets of stone?
It was required under Mosaic Law
My dad was concerned I was addicted to the radio
I told him addiction largely depends on frequency
The phrase “do not touch” must be terrifying to read…
…in Braille.
I saw a marble head poking out of the sand, and dug around hoping to find arms and legs...
...alas, it was a bust.
Why do leprechauns not like fool’s gold?
Because it’s a sham rock. ☘️
I put army men in my mug before I go to sleepBecause the best part of waking up
is soldiers in your cup!
What kind of shoes do frogs wear
Open toad shoes
I didn't want to watch a horror movie tonight.
But here's The Thing ...
What do you call an Irishman who’s constantly bumping into and bouncing off things?
Rick O’Shea
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way
Maybe a career as a Tour Guide wasn’t the right choice.
Idk why lotion burns so bad when I put it in my eyes...
every bottle says, moist your eyes, sir.
My son was trying to get us to leaveAnd said “time to say our goodbyes then.”
So I said “our goodbyes then.”
My mum had a pet elephant. It was so domesticated it even lived inside the house. It was always in the way but she got kind of worked up
So we never talked about it
Did you know that the dinosaurs used to compliment desirable mates?
That is what scientists called the Flirtatious period
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife
Nothing he was gladiator
Don’t go chasing waterfowl
It’d be a wild goose chase
Did you hear about the new movie about rivers and brooks?!?
It's now streaming!
Someone glued my deck of cards together
I can’t deal.
Baseball question- why does it take longer to run from 2nd to 3rd than any other bases?
Because there's a short stop in between.
top
