My doctor told me it’s normal to get aroused and even ejaculate during a prostate exam
Still, I wish he hadn’t
What do you call a man with a two-inch penis?
Justin
Our entire calendar is based around when jesus was bornSeriously, we count years starting from his birth, without him we wouldn't have a point to fix our calendar from.
Jesus was born for our since
My local supermarket is raising the price of vodka by a penny tomorrow to $20
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's $19.99.
We’ve been calling them mashed potatoes this whole time
When we could have been calling them patétoes
The Coupon DilemmaA man rushed home to his wife, incredibly proud of himself."Honey, I saved five dollars today! I ran all the way home behind the bus!"
His wife looked at him, shook her head, and sighed."You idiot, why didn't you run behind a taxi and save fifty dollars?"
Difference between a bad hunter and a constipated owl ?A bad hunter can shoot but can't hit
A constipated owl can hoot but can't.....
You can tell Donald Trump is a self-made man.He does everything himself. He pisses himself. He shits himself.
He can even go fuck himself.
The teacher calls in a student to have a talk"Larry I was looking at your essay called 'my dog' and the words in the essay are identical to your sister's essay. Can you explain?"
"Yes," Larry says. "It's the same dog."
Trees don’t seem to have any fun when going to a sawmill…
They always come out looking board.
what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
dam!
Wife: “You need to do more chores around the house”. Husband: “Can we change the subject?”
Wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you".
What does a hot dog use for protection?
Condoments
I was told after a vasectomy I wouldn’t have kids anymore…
…imagine my shock when I got home and they were still there!
I showed my son the first computer I had as a child.
He gave me a puzzled look and asked, "How DOS it work?"
A salesman knocks on the front door of a homeAn 8 yr old boy answers the door drinking a beer and smoking a cigar.
The man asks, "Are your parents home?"
The kid replies, "What do you think?"
Do you know what would be a good name for a Eugenist or Gene Scientist?
Gene Hackman
I went to school to be a magician, but I flunked out.
Their tests had too many trick questions.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed
after 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evivdence
Not all naval vessels can go under water.
Only a subset of them can.
Did you hear about the pachyderm that was made up of letters?
It’s was an ele-font
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
A cannibble
Patient: I keep thinking I’m a dogDoctor: sit down and tell me more about it
Patient: I can’t , I’m not allowed to sit on the furniture
CheeseWhat kind of cheese is made backwards?
edam
Did you know that you can stop a bank robbery with a bottle of Benadryl?
It’s an antiheistamine.
top
