A rabbit, a priest, and a minister all go to a blood drive. The greeter says, do you know your blood type?
The rabbit says, I think I’m a type O.
How do you know...How do you know which potato is the slutty one?
It's stamped with 'Idaho'.
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.
Did you know that trans people were actually very common in ancient Egypt?
Lots of the daddies eventually became mummies.
My wife says she’s leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with poker..
I think she’s bluffing.
How do you send a caterpillar 100 feet into the air?
You put it on its back.
I just flew home from a ravioli convention...
and Boyardee's arms tired!
My daughter just told me she only pees and never poops
I think she’s full of shit.
What happens if you stick the number 3.14159 inside of an onion?
You get an opinion.
What do you call a cow.....What do you call a cow that has just given birth?
De-calf-anated
My daughter was complaining about her mint ice cream saying it tasted like tooth paste.Me: maybe it's not mint, but disappointMINT.
My wife: maybe it's not MINT to be eaten.
Im so proud of her. 😄 🤣
I don't make jokes about vegans.......
I feel it would be tasteless.
Do you remember the joke I told you about the chiropractor?
It was about a weak back!
Why did Peggy Bundy never file for divorce?
She was an Al-coholic.
"Honey, your swimsuit's too small."
"Then stop wearing it!"
People say love is the best feeling in the world and I agree –
but finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is a close second.
DadJokers Assemble!!
I need your help! A great DadJoker and friend will be in the hospital for a lengthy stay getting chemo, and I want to send him a Dad Joke a day. Please comment with your best hospital, chemo, cancer, doc/nurse or other related Dad Jokes. There’s 12 million of us here…let’s see if we can heal him with laughter (or groans?). Thanks fam!
I’m struggling to get over my line-dancing addiction.
It’s been two steps forward, one step back.
I’m dating a girl who loves to be covered in cheese.
She’s a real cracker.
What do you call a bunch of heterosexuals from a coastal town in Kent?
The Straights of Dover.
Why are air conditioners so scary?
Because they have a chilling effect on everyone.
What do you do when you see a space man?
You park, man.
What do you call an insect that enthusiastically quit its ride share job?
Exuberant!
A Czechoslovakian and a Russian went hunting in the woods.A Czechoslovakian and a Russian went hunting in the woods.
After a couple of days since they were last seen people were starting to worry about them.
After a week a search party was deployed.
The search wasn’t going well until one tracker found some bear scat with a handkerchief that was thought to belong to the Russian hunter.
After another few days the trackers spotted a gigantic female bear near the same area.
The team decided to shoot the bear to see if they could find any evidence of the hunters.
Sure enough, they gutted it and found the remains of the Russian inside and came to the conclusion that the Czech was in the male.
The difference between a regular joke, and a dad joke
Should be apparent.
top
