Actually, it's pronounced "jaslight".
You've been saying it wrong the whole time.
My wife just completed a 40 week body building programme this morning.It’s a baby girl weighing 7lb 6ounce.
I’m now a dad!!!!
What do you call a typo on a tombstone?
A grave mistake.
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.
He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
Apparently with the rise of A.l., people don’t need computer screens anymore.
I’m closely monitoring the situation.
Why can’t you buy things using fried chicken?
Because it’s not legal tender
Mouse 1: Hey, stop sweating over that cat. Just spray a little bit of this underneath your arms - he won't come near you. Mouse 2: Really? What is it?
Antipurrrrrspirant 😉🐭
It's tough being married to a trigonometry professor
They tend to go off on tangents .
I jumped off the Eiffel Tower so they renamed it after me. Now it’s called …
The “I Fell Tower”.
If you claim to have eaten a bologna sandwich but didn't,
you're still full of bologna
I just finished writing a book on penguins.
It probably would've been easier to write it on paper.
My friend decided to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend.
Apparently, she was seeing someone else.
I’m a regular old timer
My back hurts every second.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, itsa me
What's the most stupid animal in the jungle..
A polar bear
What do you call it when batman skips churchChristian Bale
But was he Robin the offering plate?
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are...
But I laugh more
Star Wars Joke: What’s the internal temperature of a taun-taun?Lukewarm.
My 13 year old son just got out of bed to tell me that he came up with this joke on his own (while reading the Star Wars Encyclopedia. My work as a father is done.)
Where do you take someone injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
to the I.C.U.
Did he race cars or motorcycles?
In the book of Exodus, it says:
“And Moses came fourth in his Triumph.”
I took my date to a Middle Eastern restaurant, but she hated it.
I falafel about it.
If a king sleeps on a king-sized bed and a queen sleeps on a queen-sized bed, where does a prince sleep?
On an heir mattress.
What gets covered in dirt and always stays clean?
A body in a coffin
What do clouds wear under their shorts
Thunder pants
They told me there was only one way to stock a candy aisle
But I had a few Twix up my sleeve.
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