I'm tired, so I'm going to Romania...
...to book a rest.
Two cats had a swimming race. The first cat was called "One, two three," and the other was called "un deux trois." Which cat won the race?
"One two three" won. Unfortunately, the un deux trois cat sank.
My buddy told me his girlfriend was 3 feet 3 inches tall.
I said I'd like to meter.
People think being a waiter isn't a respectable job.
But, hey, it puts food on the table.
What do you call singing in the shower?
A soap opera
I was digging for dinosaur leg bones and I thought I had found one...
But it was a fossil arm.
What does a clock say when it needs to go to the dentist?
"2:30"
Why did the transgender dinosaur only eat vegetables?
He was a her, before
My wife asked me if I've seen the dog bowl
I told her I didn't know he could
I was trying to come up with a good banking joke
But I lost interest
During family game night, my kids kept accusing me of changing the rules whenever I started losing. Finally one of them said, “DAD, all night you’ve been gaslighting us!”
I said, “Okay, first of all, the term is actually fuel lanterning.”
Did you hear about the guy who tried to rob a bank with a statue?
It was a bust...
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable.
This is an A and B conversation
So C your way out of it before D and E come F you up, G.
My inflatable house got a puncture last night.
Now I'm living in a flat.
Lionel Ritchie had a medical procedure recently. Was it out patient?No. He had to stay all night long.
I'll see myself out
My wife asked me to flip the calendar to the next month...
To my surprise, it skipped right from April to June. When I turned to tell her we were missing a month, she grinned and said, "What's the matter? You look dis-Mayed."
She’s been holding onto that one since March.
Did you hear about the Volkswagen who was knighted?
They dubbed him Scirocco
Why is Billy Joel's laundry so wet?
He didn't start the dryer.
What's the most popular fruit in Cuba?
A Havanabanana
Why don't the French eat two eggs for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
At my last job, I worked with this guy nicknamed Hip Hip.
I guess his real name was Hugh Ray.
What is E.T. short for?
He's got little legs
I turned a huge tree into a boat with two paddles
Ended up in Roanoke
I Love Telling Dad Jokes …
He always laughs.
top
