Rofkar Computer Sciences

I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.

Who's the strongest Arab?
The protein sheikh.

I got cast in a film about a bakery. It’s not a huge part.
Just a small roll

No, I will not loan you my concealed explosive devices.
They're mine.

You hear about the guy who was hospitalized for loosing his entire right side?
There's still plenty of him left.

What do vampires eat for dessert?
Diabetics

Easter plans
Wife: So... what are your plans for Easter?
Husband: Same plan as Jesus.
Wife: Uh... what does that mean?
Husband: I disappear on Friday... and show back up on Monday.
Wife: Wow, that's AWESOME. If you do that, l'll do what Mary did.
Husband: Wait... what do you mean?
Wife: I'Il show up pregnant... untouched by my husband.
Husband: ...
Narrator:
And that's how the husband ended up staying home all Easter.

Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well…
Well they’re not laughing now

There are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
That's plane to sea.

IT Dad jokes
What’s your best IT Dads joke or meme?

"Dad, why are those ants carrying signs and chanting slogans?"
"Son, those are Protest ants."

I had to delete the U2 GPS app off my phone...
The streets had no name plus I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

My wife got a new Bible and asked where she should start
I said,

“In The beginning”

When I was 11 years old, I dropped and broke my mom's favorite mirror. I left it where it was because I didn't want her mad at me.
A few hours later, I came back and it was in perfect condition. It was a mirror-cle.

Did you hear about the person who died by viagra?
What a hard way to go

I’ve been training my pet parrot to do pushups.
I’m want him to have strong pecks.

I told my wife I had an affair with a camelid.
She wasn’t happy. I guess alpaca my stuff and leave.

Did you hear about the witch with inflammatory bowel problems?
Crone’s disease

Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears. "What's the matter?" asks Olaf. "Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
"No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."

Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.

At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.

"I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"

Olaf just waves and walks off.

"I was really worried about you," comments the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"

" I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."

Spies.
Why are spies careful not to fart in bed?

Because they might blow their cover.

Are monsters good at math?
No, unless you Count Dracula!

Why do women prefer rocks to minerals?
because typically, mineral the same.

I told my wife that adopting a duo of young cats was Dickensian.
It was a Tale of Two Kitties.

How did Grogu travel through time?
With a Man-DeLorean.