A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what is your blood type?”
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type 0.”
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds.
What is Frankenstein's favorite cheese?
Meunster
My wife said she wanted to watch a film without me.
"That's any film then," I replied, "since I'm not an actor."
What do you call the manager of a furniture store?
The chair-man!
A man wanted to share a word at a colleague's funeral. He strode to the mic and said, "Bargain."
The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."
Which industrial site always smells the strongest?
The ol’ factory
My friend sleeps on piles of old magazines.
He has back issues
A store in town is selling pillow covers for $50 each!!
What a sham.
I asked my friend who lives in Pyongyang what life is like in North Korea
He said “I can’t complain”
There was once an emperor who never aged past 19.
His name was Constant Teen.
I introduced my 8 year old to Toby Maguire's Spider man last night. She hit me with this:Dad, I know how Peter Parker takes the pictures of SpiderMan.
He uses his webcam!
#ProudDad
I've seen a lot of web designer puns but even searching the subreddit I didn't see any webcams in the first few pages.
I met a man today who's half Chinese, and half Italian. His name is...
Lin Guini
The French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails
Now I have less cargo.
What is a doctor's favorite file extension?
.doc
What do you say when someone from Michigan asks for help?
"Give me a second."
What kind of insurance does G.I. Joe have?
COBRAAAAA
Why don't trees like to talk?
Because they don't want to die a log.
Breaking News!
Count Chocula, the StayPuft Marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire. S'more at 11.
I went to the hairdressers and said, “Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?”
So they gave me a cushion to sit on.
Ron was a real team player...And after Ron was cremated, his baseball buddies decided his ashes belonged in the team’s trophy case. They bought a beautiful urn and held a small ceremony at the ballpark, where they took turns saying a few words of thanks and praise.
Unfortunately, they held the ceremony during batting practice. One wild pitch knocked the urn off the table, scattering his ashes all over the infield.
The scorekeeper looked over, shook his head, and sighed:
“Well, I guess that’s an unurned Ron.”
Some people are so judgmental ........ ......... I can tell just by looking at them.
A buddy of mine was discharged from the military for theft!
It's weird; his commander kept shouting, "Weapons free, weapons free!!" 🤷
"My sibling had a baby"Friend: "Boy or girl?"
Me: "Sister, boys can't have babies "
Where did the IT guy go?
He probably ransomeware!!
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