What do you call two cops having sex?
Copulation
What did Sean Connery say after he built his bookshelf wrong?
I’m ashamed of my shelf.
I got fired from my job at the Pepsi factory...
...when I tested positive for Coke!
Anyone remember the chiropractor joke I put on here?
It was about a week back?
What is it called when the lead singer of Rise Against is studying when his wife is having a baby?
Re-education (through labor)
There are no canaries in the Canary Islands. Same with the Virgin Islands
There are no canaries there either
What's the difference between Excel and a proctologist?
One is for spreadsheets and one spreads cheeks.
Abe.Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts.
“Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire
3 golf clubs walk into a bar.The Putter orders a beer, the Wedge orders a whisky.
The Bartender asks the 3rd one if he wants anything.
He replies, "No thanks, I'm the Driver,"
I saw a sheep in a swimsuit driving an expensive car.
It was a lambikini.
My mom & dad are both 70 years old.But on the day my dad was born, my mom was twice his age. How?
(Dad joke riddle. Stumped my kids.)
What do you call a woman who lights fire to all her bills?
Bernadette.
Why do serious brisket smokers prefer the whole brisket?
Just smoking the flat is pointless.
Inflation is so bad...
That I'm downgrading from LGBTQ+ to LGBTQ with ads.
Just found out there’s no popcorn in popcorn shrimp.
Just found out there's no popcorn in popcorn shrimp.
Guess there's no reason to try pot roast.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
What goes well with peanut butter during rush hour
Traffic jam
In the late 1700s, only one tailor in Paris was allowed to makes robes for the local magistrate. So, if a judge needed robes...
He'd go Robes Pierre.
I used to be a banker.
But I lost interest.
I just found out that I have a half-brother.
...and we're not allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.
Did you hear about the big sale and the Lego store?
People were lined up for blocks.
What is Ken's favorite food?BarbieQ...
Badum tssss
What did the cat say after joining the communist party?
Mao
What do you call a cop in bed?
Undercover
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