A man walks into a library and says to the librarian“Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
The man replies, “Yeah, that’s the one!”
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what is your blood type?”
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type 0.”
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of their boats?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
I think I remembered a really good joke to make about the Michigan/Western Michigan game.
Just give me a second.
How many Dementia Patients does it take to change a lightbulb
To get to the other side.
What is Frankenstein's favorite cheese?
Meunster
My wife said she wanted to watch a film without me.
"That's any film then," I replied, "since I'm not an actor."
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds.
My wife has a new T-shirt with pictures of carrots, apples and bananas. Call me crazy, but I think it’s sexy.
She looks so good in a crop top.
What's the best kind of candy to tell a joke to?
Snickers
What do you call the manager of a furniture store?
The chair-man!
Why do seafaring thieves charge $3.14, £3.14, or €3,14 for their booty?
Because they are pi rates.
A store in town is selling pillow covers for $50 each!!
What a sham.
What is a doctor's favorite file extension?
.doc
A man wanted to share a word at a colleague's funeral. He strode to the mic and said, "Bargain."
The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."
Which industrial site always smells the strongest?
The ol’ factory
I went to the hairdressers and said, “Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?”
So they gave me a cushion to sit on.
What do you call a man from Louisiana who is a fan of The Tragically Hip?
“Bob Cajun”.
mother-in-law
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer to criticize your lighting choices instead.
The guy who stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family
My friend sleeps on piles of old magazines.
He has back issues
Do you smell that?Person 2: What smell?
Person 1: It smells like updog
Person 2: What’s updog?
Person 1: Nothing much how bout you?
I asked my friend who lives in Pyongyang what life is like in North Korea
He said “I can’t complain”
What do you call a holiday movie about a slice of cheese in a boobytrapped house?
prov-ALONE!!!!!
I met a man today who's half Chinese, and half Italian. His name is...
Lin Guini
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