What do you call a bra that you can’t take off?
A booby trap.
Do you know what a Zebra is?
It’s twenty six sizes larger than an A bra.
Why are archeologists so annoying
they always have a bone to pick
How do you make 7 even?
Take away the s.
Airline incidentHalf an hour after an Aer Lingus flight reached 30,000 feet, the captain made an announcement:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, Sean Thomas. Welcome aboard Flight 280, non-stop from Dublin to Chicago. The weather is perfect today, so we should have a pleasant, smooth, uneventful flight. So just get comfortable, sit back, relax, and… OH… WHAT THE HELL!!”
The plane went completely silent. 😳
A few moments later, the captain came back on the intercom:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so sorry if I alarmed you. While I was speaking, Maureen - our new and rather clumsy flight attendant - accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
From the back of the plane, a passenger shouted:
“For the love of Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!” 🇮🇪😂
Some Apple Music users were upset when a U2 album was put in their feed
They didn’t like that it was done pro Bono. They’re really on Edge about it.
what happens when right angle sees acute angle
a rectangle
Why did the Dalai Lama go to Vegas?
Tibet.
Did you hear about the guy killed in the can crusher?
It was soda pressing.
A lot of successful people start their careers waiting tables.
It’s a good entrée level job.
Silence is golden -- unless you have children.
Then, silence is suspicious.
I recently started a business where i sell trampolines disguised as prayer mats
Prophets are through the roof
How did ponies communicate during the Second World War?
Horse code
I had a scheme where only the old people were going to win at the olympics
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for all those medaling kids
What’s a stalker and a Pokémon nerd got in common?
They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
Even though I already had little houses for four bee swarms, when a new swarm of bees arrived, I was very excited.
I gave them a Hive five!
Why did the Egyptian sun god order fries with gravy in Russia?
Because he wanted Ra’s Poutine
What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?
Ay, matey!
I used to get in trouble all the time in school for my T's.
They were a line I wouldn't cross.
My coworker, 1, seems to be obsessed with 3 and 5.
It’s very odd
The doctor told his patient that he was going to die soon because of Mercury in UranusThe patient said “I don’t believe in astrology”
The doctor said “Neither do I; my anal thermometer just broke in your backside”
What do you call karate for amputees ?
Partial arts
I hope Poland never changes their flag by removing the white part from it.
That would be a red flag.
What do you call a Spanish victim of Grand Theft Auto?
Carlos
There is something funny about that vaccine I got in India...
I got it in Punjab
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