The model prisonerSeveral years ago, Jim was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all the other inmates.
The warden believed that, deep down, Jim was a decent man. So he arranged for Jim to learn a trade while serving his time.
After about three years, Jim had become one of the best carpenters in the whole county.
Sometimes he was even given a weekend pass to do small jobs for folks around town, and he always returned to the prison by Sunday evening.
Jim was the definition of a model inmate.
One day, the warden decided he wanted to remodel his kitchen, but he didn’t have the skills to build new cabinets and a large countertop.
So he called Jim into his office and asked if he could take on the job.
To the warden’s surprise, Jim immediately refused.
“But you’re an expert, Jim, and I really could use your help,” said the warden.
“Gee, Warden, I’d sure love to help you…
…but counter fitting is what got me in here in the first place.”
What should you say if you accidentally fart during confession?
"Forgive me, father, for I have wind."
Did you hear someone stole all the wheels off the police cars at the local station?
The cops are working tirelessly to find the thieves.
We all know where the Big Apple is.But does anyone know where the...
Minneapolis?
I was talking with my brother about how much I missed my dog. I said, “Man… it’s been a few years now, and I realized the other day I can’t even remember what his bark sounded like anymore.”
He nodded, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s rough.”
My wife told me I drink too much, so I promised her I wouldn’t drink anymore..
I never said I’d drink any less.
This guy at work accused me of using outdated pop culture references.
Whatever… he can eat my shorts.
Why did the biscuit cry?
Because his mum had been a wafer so long.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot, if interested let me know
I will jump over the neighbors fence and get it for you
Just when you think you know for sure vegetables can’t use phones
Onion rings
When Beethoven was a kid everyone told him he could never be a composer.
But did he listen!?
Imma tell you about a woman who only eats plants
bet you've probably never heard of herbivore
Why can’t Frog drive with a flat tire?
Because then it would have to be Toad.
Why did Hitler go to the nail salon?
He needed the polish removed
Did you know if you feed milk to ants, their offspring are born without toes? It's a phenomenom known as...
Lack Toes In Toddler Ants.
I tried to explain to my 4 yr old grandson that it’s normal to accidentally poop your pants…
But he’s still making fun of me
There is not a single fire ant on my property
They are all married and have LOTS of children.
What do George and Tiger have in common?
You have to tell both to watch out for that tree.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
Recently, I’ve stopped drinking for good…
Now I drink for evil.
One thing I've learned is to never pour cereal down the toilet.
It'll Kellogg up everything.
What do you call a speedy orange?
A sat-zoomer
I invented a thought controlled air freshener
It makes scents when you think about it
Where do all the Dutch Pirates live?
Arrrrrnhem
How do you manage putting 10 cows in a box
Cow-ordination
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