Rofkar Computer Sciences

What does DNA stand for?
National dyslexia association

My boyfriend told me I have a terrible sense of direction, I got really mad at him.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his grandson's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The grandson said, "I don't think you should take one. They're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," he replied.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. "

Later the next morning, the grandson found $110 under his pillow.

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk
but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

My new sweater had a lot of static so I had to return it.
The shop gave me a new one free of charge.

I’ve been struggling to quit heroin
All my attempts have been in vain.

What's the difference between a sock and a camera?
A sock takes five toes.
A camera takes photos.

yeah

Who can drink 5L of petroleum and stay perfectly in good health?
Jerry can!

A super drunk man comes home very late at night... so drunk that he dies when arriving in his bed
He gets to Heaven's door where he meets St Peter.

He says:

"No! not now! It's not my time yet to Heaven! Come on dear St Peter, don't you have another option for me? How about reincarnation?"

St Peter thinks for a moment, then opens a large book, search for something in it and replies:

"Ok, there is not much choice left for now, but we can bring you back as a chicken."

"Awesome, great, i'll take it! Thank you, thank you!"

The man wakes up in a poultry farm, surrounded by other chicken, and goes for a tour around to discover the place. As he gets accomodated to his new situation, he suddenly feels his belly hurting badly. He noticed there is a rooster close by and goes to see him"

"You are a chicken, so it's normal your belly hurts, you probably need to lay an egg! Try it, push it out!"

So he pushes hard and plop an egg comes out of his ass.

"Wowwwww, I feel better now, but my belly still hurts"

"Try again then" says the rooster.

He pushes more and harder and plop a second egg comes out.

All of a sudden the man gets awaken by a huge slap in his face from his wife who yells:

"YOU MOTH**F*CKER!!!! SH*TTING IN THE BED AGAIN?"

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.
She said, “Yes, all the others were nines and tens.” 😭

What does GPS stands for
Grandpa's preferred shortcut

At dinner, my date showed me her car tattoos. “Chevy on my right arm, classic Ford on my left, Toyota on this thigh, Tesla on the other, and check out my belly button!”
I said, “Oh wow, it’s an Audi!” She said, “Yep, a few inches above my Volvo.”

I have the breast pillow ever!
It's made of mammary foam.

Did you hear about the witch whose bbq grill exploded?
She was burned at the steak

I don’t care what anyone says, I’m allowed to cook Eastern European dumplings if I want to.
It’s my pierogitive.

My wife said I should try getting into a trade.
So does anybody want a new wife?

A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes…
Man: “For my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: “Alright Rich, what's your second wish"...

I had a date last night. It was PERFECT.
Today I'll have a banana.

Sisters
Three sisters aged 82, 84 and 86 live in a house together. One night the 86-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “was I getting in or out of the bath?”.

The 84-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see”. She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells, “was I going up the stairs or down?”.

The 82-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful”. She knocks on wood for good measure then yells out, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door”.

A Firefighter runs in to a kindergarten classroom holding up a screwdriver and yells...
"Kids this is not a drill!"

My snooty friend always uses French words like hors d’oeuvres in his day-to-day conversation.
And that’s just…for starters.

My kid came up to my wife and said, “Mom, something’s wrong with the dishwasher.”
She looked at me and said, “Are you okay, babe?“

I told my kids money doesn't grow on trees. Then I explained paper
Now we're both confused.

"How would you like your steak?"
"Like winning an argument with my wife."