[Warning! 18+]
19
Bad news, everyone. I’ve been diagnosed with the peekaboo virus.
They’re sending me to the ICU!
Why was Riker upset when Troi cooked him dinner?
She said that she got her crabs straight from the wharf
If a stork delivers a baby, what kind of bird gets rid of a baby?
A swallow
I taught my car how to read and write.
Now it's going to write an Autobiography
I can't speak Arabic Today...When I was sick and I was in Arabic class, I said I can't speak Arabic today because
I have a bad Qaf (ق).
Why can’t Data from Star Trek give birth?
He can’t do contractions.
Do you guys know what gay horses eat?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAY
Crows Across the World Have All Gone Silent
Scientists across the world are trying to find the caws.
I accidentally dropped my phone in the bath yesterday. Some water got stuck in between the phone and it's cover. I thought my phone was waterproof.
But apparently not in this case.
Bilbo Baggins fought a long and courageous battle against death. His final words were...
"Old hobbits die hard".
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
I went to a bookstore and saw a book titled “How to solve 50% of your problems”.
I bought two copies.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you
You have my word.
I was once addicted to soap.
But now I'm clean!
Im lactose intolerant but my friend gave me milk
How dairy
What do you call someone with no social media?
A Tweetotaler
I knew a guy who was arrested for stealing hay.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t make bale.
I told my Polish Grandmother I didn’t like dumplings…
She told me that’s my pierogitive
What is the most popular athletic shoe brand for artists?
Sketchers.
A pizza...
is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.
I bought some spices off the sale rack at Walmart.
Not the best idea. The whole experience just left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do a stormy campsite and a packet of Kleenex have in common?
Tent issues
I met a witch for the first time today, but I think I'd seen her black kitten before.
He seemed a little familiar.
At dinner, I told my date, “Jeez, I am freezing!” She said, “I’ll go ask if they have a space heater.”
I said, “No thanks, I need something for down here.”
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