Who were the five most constipated men in the Bible?Cain - He wasn't Abel.
King David - Heaven and Earth couldn't move him.
King Solomon - He sat on the throne for 40 years.
Moses - He took two tablets and went up on the mountain.
And Noah - He spent 40 days and 40 nights in the Ark, and passed nothing but water.
I dated this stunning girl once. She was a communist, originally from from China, but I met her while working in Switzerland. We lived in Denmark first then moved to Turkey and went on holiday in Canada. Then she cheated on me. I was devastated, but I really should have known better There had been a lot of red flags
What's an astronaut's favourite part of a computer?...
The space-bar.
Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter.
The brain is 40% AI.
The rest is BRN.
What do you call an Irishman who bounces off walls?
Rick O’Shea
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day. How Many Potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Zero
How do you tell how heavy a chili pepper is?
Easy. You put it on a scale and give it a weigh give it a weigh give it a weigh now
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?
Two animals in a baaaaad mooooood
9 year old "Hey Dad, I have a pun for you""Ooh what is it"?
9 year old "It's like a joke, where you play with words".
I JUST GOT LESLIE NIELSENED BY MY OWN CHILD.
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they're always a little short.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture
I think I've bought the world's worst thesaurus.
Not only is it awful, it's awful.
In honor of St Patrick’s DayWhat do you call an Irishman sitting on the porch?
Paddy O’Furniture.
A famous scientist studied different ways of managing pain when people were undergoing oral procedures. After comparing Lidocaine and certain eastern mystical practices, he chose the drug as the winner. “After all”, he said
“It transcends dental meditation.”
Want to know how to get a farmer's daughter to fall in love with you?
A tractor.
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea!
Why couldn't the engine hear?
It didn't have any engineers.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
What do you say to someone who refuses to let you help stitch them up?
Suture self
What do you call a psychologist chicken?
Freud chicken
The Shovel...
Is a ground breaking invention
I contacted a company that makes anechoic chambers.
I still haven't heard back.
Dating is hard when you can’t find a massive polar bear
How else are you supposed to break the ice?
“Twin” “King” “Queen”
Why are young people calling each other mattress sizes ?
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