I haven't spoken to my wife in 3 years...
I didn't want to interrupt her.
I knew a guy who got engaged five different times ...
that's a lot of near-Mrs.
Its been three weeks since Dolly died
I am still suffering from post-Parton depression though
I bought a dictionary online. When it arrived all the pages were completely blank.
I have no words
Jesus said: “Come forth and receive eternal life”
But John came fifth and won a toaster
Some thief is stealing wheels off police cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight, unless…
…you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions. 🤣
Conjunctivitis.com …
… that’s a site for sore eyes
A sheep, a drum, and a snake walk into a bar
Ba Dum Tss
I never told a joke about guns...
But I'll give it a shot.
I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.
I got thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
What did the house wear to the party
A Dress (address)
What's God's Favorite chord?
Gsus
I quit the balloon store today...
The inflation was getting to be too much.
I lost my temper at a Vietnamese restaurant, and they told me to never come back.
They banh mi pho life.
What does a gorilla use to fix a circus tricycle?
A monkey wrench
My kid has an unhealthy interest in really bad leaders from ancient history.
I’m concerned he could be Nerotypical.
I don’t have a Dad Bod
I have a Father Figure.
A young, healthy tree climbing marsupial from Sydney had been looking for work on nearby offshore oil rigs. He sent out many resumes but never got an interview.
The rejection letters all had a similar theme: Thanks for your interest but you don't have the right Koala-fications.
The car that’s least likely to hit a tree when driving through Colorado?
A Dodge Aspen.
Why are pigs dressed in black never bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham!
What's green...and smells of bacon?
Kermit the Frog
what does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
a synonym roll
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden…
…the plot thickens! 🤣
I make prosthetic limbs for children on my 3d printer
I guess you could say I'm a small arms dealer.
top
