I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I am not saying I'm attractive
But when I take off my clothes in the bathroom.... I turn the shower on
What happened in 1980s that caused global warming to increase so rapidly?
I was born. And became hotter every year...
My wife and I decided we don’t want to have kids so I went and got a vasectomy.
But when I got home they were still there 😑
I saw a film that was G, PG-13, and R all at once.
That movie was so overrated.
I won't do airplane jokes anymore.
Last time I tried one, it didn't land well.
I realized the best name for your car is Link.Not only is it a Zelda reference, but every time you park, you can say you left Link in Park.
(I just thought of this one today.)
A man was found angrily screaming in the anti-perspirant aisle at Walmart
He was in the middle of a deodor-rant!
People wonder how my broth manufacturing business took off so quickly. Well, I'll tell you the secret... We started adding yeast to all of our products.
That's what really caused our stock to rise.
It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships
Since then I’ve come a long way.
Had to take my ant farm to the vet last weekDoctors told me they were too alkaline… wanna know what was prescribed?
Antacid
I was heartbroken when my wife told me that my five-year-old was not my son.
Then she told me to pay more attention at kindergarten pickup.
I don’t understand why people dislike vegans so much…
…I’ve never had beef with them.
I'm trying to remember a word . . .
Are there any tricky, gimmicky ways to remember the word "mnemonic"?
Bruce Lee was fast, but did you know that he had a brother that was even faster?
His name was Sudden Lee.
Saw a woman at the grocery scratching all the soap bars.
Said she was tickling the Ivories.
I almost decided to start worshipping paper bags
But decided that would be sack religious.
My wife always complains that I have no sense of direction
So I packed up my stuff and right
My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl
I didn’t know it did
My dentist said to stop grinding my teeth.
Or she’ll stop the examination and take away my finger skateboard.
I mixed a laxative in my alphabet soup.
I call it “letter rip!”
Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money
Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning
Where do gay coffee beans go to find an online hookup?
grinder
Where did the IT guy go?
He probably ransomware.
I paid NASA $500 for an industrious little insect who just got back from a space mission.
That's ex orbit ant.
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