Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall...
He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
Paid $500 so my son could play High School Football
Terrible investment. All I got was a quarterback.
What’s the term for being kicked off of Greece’s largest island?
Being ex-Creted
I’d been getting strange looks every time I touched my head at the checkout counter…
Things are different now that I realize cashiers were not telling me to “tap toupee.”
The service at the T-Rex Café is terrible.
They're always short-handed.
Who ever lost their iPhone 18 Pro at Walmart this morning...
Would you please stop calling my new phone...
What do you call a magician that’s lost his magic?
Ian
What fairground ride is made of metal?
The ferrous wheel
I politely declined my friend’s offer to check out his new YouTube channel dedicated to bunny colonoscopies.
I don’t want to waste an entire day going down rabbit holes.
What do you call a Sith Lord that’s from the South?
Darth Y’all
What’s Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola
1.5M pounds of hot dogs, etc. are being recalled
To be frank, it's terrible.
I'm sitting on the couch, hiding from all forms of exercise. If anyone asks...
I'm in the Fitness Protection program.
$100’s.
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
.....Aretha Franklins
(Please don't block me)
There was a break-in at the local Apple Store...
...the police are looking for iWitnesses.
What do you call a criminal landing an airplane?
Condescending.
The longest word
SMILES
THERE’S A MILE BETWEEN EACH “S”
"I'd like to buy a muffin with chocolate chips".
"Sorry, we only take cash".
What do you call a parrot that can't fly?
A walkie-talkie
I told my wife. I thought she drew her eyebrows a little too high.
She looked surprised….
I bought some coconut shampoo today
But when I got home, I realized I don't even have a coconut.
What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler
Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall...
He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
My foot fell asleep this morning
Guess you could say I was coma-toes
I dated a woman named Sue Dunimm.
I found out later that wasn’t her real name.
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