What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
R’s come third, the C is second, but if you want to see them angry take away their P
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where's popcorn?
Back in elementary school, my teacher thought it was weird that I did my multiplication tests on the floor.
But she's the one who said not to use tables.
Do you know why there are Pop tarts but no Mom tarts???
Because of the pastryarchy!
I will never forget my grandfather's last words to me before he died.
Hey, are you holding the ladder?
You're not allowed to laugh out loud in Hawaii
You're only allowed Aloha
As a child we were so poor all my clothes came from the army surplus store
I was the only Japanese general in the 2nd grade
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store
I don’t think he will find what he’s looking for
What do you call a child with redheaded parents?
Ginger-bred.
Do you know how to tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Check for snow balls. . .
Why can't you collect buzzard feathers?
Because it's vultural appropriation.
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account?
Prime mates
I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties…
now I sneak out of parties to go to my house
I’m thinking of selling my Theremin.
I haven’t touched it for years.
What’s the best way to stop an unwanted erectionZoning laws. If someone is erecting something near your property that you don’t like, inform the local city council.
Thank you,u/monkeyboatrentals for the pun
Did you hear the one about Oedipus and King Midas?
It's pure motherf*cking gold.
Did you hear about the farmer who tried teaching his animals philosophy?
It didn't work. He was putting Descartes before the horse.
Did you hear about the snowman who got upset when the sun came out
He had a total meltdown
A brunette and a blonde talking .
Brunette -When I drink coffee I can’t sleep Blonde:- The exact opposite happens to me , when I sleep I can’t drink coffee
The Pharaoh could not believe he was drowning.
He was in the Nile
They finally caught the guys who was having sex with all the farm animals but he escaped...
Now hes on the lamb.
Do you know what really borders on stupidity???
Mexico and Canada!
The police finally caught the guy who was giving illegal circumcisions.
I wonder what tipped them off.
Why did the man fall down the well?Because he couldn't see that well!
(ok I'll get my coat, I know where the exit is 😂)
I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.
It's an oughtobiography.
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