The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart
The fact that her boobs block the view is not our fault
People of Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.
But the people of Abu Dhabi do.
Last Christmas, my girlfriend got really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends.
I still don’t know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
I ate a kids meal in McDonald’s this morning.
His mother was furious.
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”
A Tesla Driver was arrested for Electricity Theft
He pleaded guilty as charged.
I told my wife that if I ever owned a sailboat, I would name it Ccccccc.
That way, I can sail the seven C's.
I caught my kids playing with electrical wires without protection.
So I grounded them.
I had a friend who was always late until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden.
Now he wakes up on thyme.
Do you know which is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire?
A-spare-I-guess
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an iceberg.
I just bought the Snow White Lego set second hand but it only had 6 dwarves
Not Happy
Given their anatomy, some people wonder how mermaids can give birth.
They usually have a sea section.
I’ve gotta prepare for the big boat paddle sale tomorrow.
It’s a huge oar deal.
My autobiography isn't selling very well.
Story of my life!
Last Night A man was Hit by a Violin then a Clarinet and then a French Horn
Police say it was an Orchestrated attack...
I asked my wife if she could say “worth, worth, worth, worth”. She’s like “um, why?”
I said, “trust me, it’s worth repeating.”
I tried playing frisbee with my dog. It didn’t go well.
I need a flatter dog.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered."
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys
How does a prisoner make a call?
On a cell phone.
I asked dog what 2-2 is
He said nothing
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.
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