What did the electrician's wife say when her husband came home late from work?
Wire you insulate
I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you."
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America.
You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
Someone told me that the moon landing was staged, and I agreed 100%
I said "because that's how all orbital rocket work dude!"
The Earth is flat!
It is mostly covered in non carbonated water.
Why do geese fly south in winter?
because it would take longer if they walked
After the experiment, Benjamin Franklin returned his kite to the store.
He got another one free of charge.
What STD do Jedi's catch?
Sithilis
Why can't we all stand up as one and say no more vaccines?
Having polio makes it hard to stand
What do you call a replacement fart?A substi-toot
Bonuses :
Someone who gets paid to fart? Prosti-toot
Weight of a fart? Magni-toot
An aggressive fart? Atti-toot
I got my husband a "get better" card.
He's not ill, he just really could get better.
Why is it easy to break up with a stormtrooper?
He'll never know what he's missing.
Why did Santa take a break?
He felt Claus-trophobic
What is the technical term for a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.
Somebody left an unlabeled box of random parts from IKEA at my door, with no instructions.
I’m not quite sure what to make of it.
I bought a Russian advent calendar.
Every time you open a window, an oligarch falls out.
Be nice to your teeth...
They have FILLINGS too!
What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? .
Orna-mints.
My daughter is much smarter than other children
She just completed her Advent Calendar 17 days early
What do you call a crocodile that raps ?
Rap-tile
A guy calls a handyman in a panic: "Help! My front doorknob has been stolen! I can't get in my own home!"
The handyman replies: "Don't worry, I'll handle it."
Not to be technical, but...
according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Why is South Korea the only country that will get into heaven?
It’s the only country with a Seoul!
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
I told my coworkers I was going to start a band called "1023MB"
we havent gotten a gig yet.
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