Why was Sauron not as dark as Melkor?
Because Melkor was Morgoth
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
“What is wrong with these guys?! They’re terrible!”
The caddy nearby says,
“Oh, you didn’t hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.”
The priest bows his head and says,
“That’s so tragic… I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor says,
“I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.”
The golfer pauses, then says…
“Why can’t they just play at night?”
Finally - I got an amused smile from my wife after a Dadjoke/PunWe were on a bushwalk today and for several dozen meters I farted audibly - perfectly in synch with each step.
I commented, “Fart, Step, Fart, Step, Fart, Step ….. “ Then paused and said, “I guess that makes me a ‘step-farter’”
(I am actually a ‘step-father’ to her adult kids, so it seemed extra appropriate)
She actually gave an amused smile, when she normally groans or refuses to respond. Finally - a win!! Yes 🤜🏻🤛🏻🥳
My boss said to me today, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many trains have you derailed so far?”
I said it’s hard to keep track
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian.
I can't think of any word that starts with N and ends with G.
Nothing in the English language starts with N and ends with G!
What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
I hear the Shah of Persia runs his palace on Windows NT. But in the harem?
Only Unix allowed inside.
I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow..
I’ll try a grape.
The other day, I asked the librarian if she had any books about dinosaurs that she recommends.
She replied, "Try Sarah Topps."
Not to brag or anything, but I made six figures last year.
I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
Russian nesting dolls are so self-centered.
They're completely full of themselves.
Yesterday I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.
The cashier said never mind and I paid with 2 dollar bills
Wife just said, "Coffees kinda light today."
My response, "Yeah. Didn't want your arms to get tired before you do the dishes." . I laughed... then i finished the dishes.
I went to a restaurant and they served me a dessert followed by appetizer followed by a main
Wrong order.
Wife to ditzy husband, “Why did you make the potato soup with 125 small potatoes?”
Husband, “I know it seems like a lot, but the recipe called for five potatoes cubed.”
I watched a stolen movie with a 3.14 star review
It’s pirated.
My doctor told me I’m at an age where I need a colonoscopy annually.
I’m a bit worried. He’s a doctor and should know it’s pronounced anally.
My friend has that thing where you're scared of being in a small space with a cat.
It's clawstrophobia.
Why did the man carry french fries while walking his poodle in the winter?
Everyone knows fries go great with a chili dog!
You should sing soloSo low I can’t hear you!
Also:
You should sing Tenor….
Ten or Fifteen miles away!
Are there any more specific to singing like this?
A physicist takes his son to the swimming pool. There, they see someone do an impressive dive off the high diving board.The boy tells his father that he wants to be a diver. Then he climbs up the ladder onto the high diving board, walks to the edge of the board, looks down, and then climbs back down the ladder.
“Dad,” he says, “it’s scary from that height. I don’t want to be a diver anymore.”
“Such a shame,” says the physicist. “You had a lot of potential.”
What did the hippie do when he saw a Spaceman?
He parked the car
I heard that toilet got engaged.
I don't know how she's gonna put up with her husband's shit.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandels.
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