I met a genie once. He gave me one wish. I said “I wish I could be you.”
The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."
Where do rappers keep their vegetables?
In the beet box.
Finally - I got an amused smile from my wife after a Dadjoke/PunWe were on a bushwalk today and for several dozen meters I farted audibly - perfectly in synch with each step.
I commented, “Fart, Step, Fart, Step, Fart, Step ….. “ Then paused and said, “I guess that makes me a ‘step-farter’”
(I am actually a ‘step-father’ to her adult kids, so it seemed extra appropriate)
She actually gave an amused smile, when she normally groans or refuses to respond. Finally - a win!! Yes 🤜🏻🤛🏻🥳
I used to have a car with wooden body, wooden tires, wooden seats and wooden lights.
But I got rid of it, because it wooden start.
Why was Sauron not as dark as Melkor?
Because Melkor was Morgoth
What did Zelensky tell his pet bird?
Glory to you, crane!
Why do celebrities always use the elevator?
To avoid the stares.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day.
an old woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I read that the U.S. government is going to stop making the one-cent coin. What a disaster!
Millions of Americans will be left penniless.
For now, I’m giving up on geometry jokes.
I’ll circle back later.
I told my doctor that I broke my leg in three places..
He said you probably need to stay away from those places..
What do you call a Jamaican super hero?
Spider-Mon
The other day I was out on a boat when a giant squid appeared and tried to make me laugh.
It was kraken jokes!
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
“What is wrong with these guys?! They’re terrible!”
The caddy nearby says,
“Oh, you didn’t hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.”
The priest bows his head and says,
“That’s so tragic… I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor says,
“I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.”
The golfer pauses, then says…
“Why can’t they just play at night?”
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle?
Attire.
My sister is a bartender. She just broke up with her boyfriend..
But he keeps asking her for another shot
They added a third sail to that tall ship.
Now it gets more miles per galleon!
What do you call a waiter that keeps topping off your beverage?
Phil
Did you hear about the microsurgeon who enjoyed performing quick surgeries on insects?
He has also done one on the fly.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
Where should you store your dad jokes?
In a dadda base.
What kind of onion can bust a rhyme?
A rapscallion!
I went to the supermarket to buy two cans.
I ended up with a couple of massive bills.
I hear the Shah of Persia runs his palace on Windows NT. But in the harem?
Only Unix allowed inside.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian.
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