People who write "burro" when they mean "burrow"...
... clearly don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
I just heard rodents might start a revolution.
Imagine mice uprise.
What does a pirate do when he’s hot?
He turns on the “arrr-conditioner.”
A lot of people don’t realize that French fries aren’t cooked in France.
They’re cooked in Greece.
I accidentally sprayed body spray in my mouth.
Now I speak with an Axe scent.
Who is the richest Irishman?
Why, it’s Bill O’Nare!
Teacher: “Please give me a sentence using these three words: defence, defeat, and detail.”
Student: "When a dog jumps over defence, defeat go first, then detail."
I saw an NSFW ad earlier
The man in the construction site didn't have his hard hat.
Did you know what happened when a cheetah and a crab crossed path
Damn, things went sideways very fast
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
Why do we say “no pun intended” and not…
“That was pun-intentional”
What kind of person always fails to finish their sentences?
A jailbreaker, because they
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
Hello all, selling used Parachutes...Lifetime Warranty:
If it doesn't work, just bring it back, we'll exchange it.
I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.
Anyone excited about the new Christopher Nolan movie?
I heard it's a film you Odyssey to believe!
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
My wife asked if I had taken a shower today.
I said, "No. Why, are you missing one?"
What do you call a catfish with internet access?
Click-bait.
I was at the butcher's today and I noticed he was working alone
'What happened to your assistant?' I asked
'I sacked him,' he replied.
'Why did you do that?'
'He kept putting his willy in the bacon slicer.'
'What did you do with the bacon slicer?'
'I sacked her too.'
A person asked me, "Are you the guy who always brags about weird stuff?"
I replied "No, I'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the county".
I saw a NSFW ad not too long ago
What a cheeky commercial
Seventy percent of the earth’s surface is covered in water and none of it is carbonated
That’s proof that the earth is flat.
Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs.
It is also their biggest import.
Taylor Swift.
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor
Swift?
She had bad blood.
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