Dad & son.
Son: "Dad, did you go to the same school as me?"
Me: "Yes, 25 years ago. Why do you ask?"
Son: “Because today Mrs. Brown said she hasn't seen an idiot like me in 25 years!”
I'm not sure if I should become a hair dresser or an author
I think I'll toss a coin and it's heads or tales.
I was asked to tell some jokes to the 7 noble gases...talk about a tough crowd, sheesh!
I couldn't get a reaction out of any of them!
My wife was like "why don't you treat me like you first treated me when we first started dating?"
So I took her to a dinner and a movie............then dropped her off at her parents.
My friend claims that he scaled Mount Everest, but no one believes him.
I think… he made it up.
Billy Bob walks into Bubba's barn and catches him doing a sexy striptease to a large red piece of machinery.Billy Bob says "What the heck are ya doing Bubba?"
Bubba replies, "Well, Billy Bob, me an the wife haven't been gettin it on lately and that there therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."
Dad, I have sand in my shoes.Really? I have feet in mine.
No dad! It really hurts.
That's called agony of defeat.
Went to tavern named arthritis
The bartender pours a mighty stiff drink.
I invested in a business franchise to harvest sunflowers using vacuums.
I was assured this business always sucks seeds.
My Dad Joke
I read in a book once, that smoking weed will make you unmotivated, unambitious, it slows your thought processes and lots of other negative things, so I told myself, never again and I haven't read a book since.
I'm currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city...
It's a Rome ants novel.
What did the Australian say to the tourist when they told them they were from Norway?
Nor way!
What do all Star Trek captains have in common?
They all have three ears. A left ear. A right ear. And a final frontier.
What does Jeff Bezos do just before going to bed?
He puts his pajAMAZON.
Ever read the book “Ten Miles to the Outhouse”?
Written by Willie Maykit
what did the sushi say to the bee?
wasabi
Where do you cook cheese in India?
In this pan ‘ere
My wife took a big fashion risk wearing a paisley straight jacket
She couldn’t pull it off
My wife is threatening to divorce me because I'm obsessed with Africa.Kenya believe it?
I'd hate for her Togo and leave me...
What am I Guinea do now?
This is all so Sudan...
And we have kids, this is Ghana be hard for them
But you know what? She Congo to Hell.
I sat there thinking “man this burger needs more mustard”But in Heinz sight, it really just needed more ketchup.
Happy National Cheeseburger Day!!!
What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream.
There're 3 rules in this house.
No contractions or self contradictions.
Every time without fail, when I go on my morning jog, I get run over by the same bike in the exact same spot. This has been going on for months now.
It's a vicious cycle.
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
What do you call the gatekeeper of a tea shop?
Securi Tea
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