Is Buttcheeks one word?
Or, should you spread them apart?
Pagliachi feels a lot of pain when he sits down, and he's worried he has hemorrhoidsHe goes to the hospital, and the attendant says
'Please state your medical request and your name'
He replies
'Butt doctor, I am Pagliachi'
What does a mortician and an electrician have in common?
They're both shocked when they touch a live one.
Captain Kirk has 3 ears
His right ear, his left ear and his final front ear.
My wife doesn’t like my obsession with Phil Collin’s music
But I, I don't mind
What kind of water does a cat drink?
Purrrified water
A man who was in court for stealing a bag was sentenced in just 3 minutes
It was a briefcase.
My friend asked me to help round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles
My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.
Marvel.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms?
The experiment altered his jeans.
Time for some knock knock jokes...Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t work, can you let me in?
----
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peep hole and find out.
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita use the bathroom, please open the door!
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn’t opened so I knocked.
----
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice joke get any worse?
Why can’t you just throw morning moisture in jail?
It’s entitled to dew process.
We all might be thinking vegetables dont use phones or can make calls....
Until the onion rings
My grandfather got his tongue shot off in the war.
But he never talked about it.
What does an explosive ghost say?
Bamboo.
Son to dad: "I'm thirsty."
Dad to son: "Well, water you waiting for?"
My customers have no sense of humor
Customer: Do you have any more thyme?
Dad-joke reply: Well I hope so—I’m only 19
my ADHD is so severe...
it's AD8K
Just got back from the doctor...He said I have paranoid dyslexia.
I think I'm following somebody.
I should never have exposed myself in the elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels.
Two children decided to give their mom a real treat for Mother’s Day.They told her to stay in bed and relax while they handled everything. As she lay there, she could hear the sizzle of bacon and the smell of coffee drifting up from the kitchen. She felt so loved and pampered, imagining the beautiful breakfast they were preparing.
After waiting for over an hour, she finally heard footsteps. The kids burst into the room, both holding their own plates full of pancakes, eggs, and bacon.
"Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!" they shouted. "We decided to make our own breakfast so you wouldn't have to cook for us today!"
Doctor: “Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Me: “Good news.”
Doctor: “You’ll be able to park wherever you want.”
Working in the funeral business is no joke.
You have to be dead serious!
I bought an encyclopedia of Canada.
Now, I'll be fully educated from Eh to Z.
What kind of doctor was Dr Pepper?
He was a Fizzician.
top
