I'd make a joke about Trump's promised $5000 tariff check
But I don't think anyone will get it.
Sadly, Mrs. Coffee is filing for divorce from Mr. Coffee.
Sadly, Mrs. Coffee is filing for divorce from Mr. Coffee. No one knows why, but apparently she had grounds.
Bloke sitting on a park bench. Woman walks up to him and says, Excuse me, are you a trombonist?"Man says, "No I'm not."
She thinks for a second, and says, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Are you absolutely sure?"
Exasperated, the man says, "Oh alright, yes I am a trombonist!"
"Funny," she says. "You don't look like one."
I swapped all the labels in my wife's spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
What do you call an undercover shoe?
A sneaker
Got caught by a skeleton this morning
Turned out to be an xoskeleton, so it just gave me hugs & kisses
The first 3 letters of 'Sweden' and 'Denmark' spell out 'Sweden.'
The remaining letters spell out 'Denmark.'
Scientists have mated a cheetah with a crab!
Scientists have mated a cheetah with a crab! It’s been reported that the experiment went sideways real fast!
I got kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant.
They bahn mi pho life.
In today’s news, the White House has ordered that “Artificial Intelligence” be renamed “Super Intelligence.”
Officials are now debating whether kettles should be reclassified as steam engines.
GRANDMA SHOWED ME the grape vineyard she USED to work at as a child.GRANDMA SHOWED ME the grape vineyard she USED to work at as a child.
She smiled when she said it was her "Old stomping grounds".
I was on the train to work and the conductor told me he had to charge me extra for telling dad jokes.
I told him that's not fare.
Teacher ArrestedTeacher Arrested!
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference Attorney General Todd Blanche said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Director of National Intelligence Clayton said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House Director of Communications Cheung told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
The wind blew most of the stuff off my desk.
But my stacks of paper remained stationary.
What do you get when you cross a hippo, elephant and rhino?
H-eleph-ino!
According to my math teacher, xy = 1 is the most amazing equation in the history of the world. Honestly, I think he's exaggerating.
It just seems like hyperbola.
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?
A private tooter. 😂!<
What sound does a witches vehicle make when she revs it up?BROOM BROOM! BROOOOOOM!
Happy October peeps!
I'd give my right arm...
... to be ambidextrous.
If you are going to bring your mule into the country...
You had better provide donkey-mentation for it.
What’s the difference between a skeleton joke and a cadaver joke?
It takes guts to tell a cadaver joke.
Why did the wizard go to the hospital?
For his staff infection.
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow when it was time for bed
Its pasture bedtime 😂
Say what you will about tall people,
but I've always looked up to them.
The furniture store refused to paint my wooden table the way I wanted.
Fortunately, I was able to get a restaining order.
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