Rofkar Computer Sciences

In response to the recent mass exodus, have you seen the latest lineup of artists performing during the Freedom 250 concert?
Lady Maga

Red Hat Chili Peppers

Magadeth

Impeaches & Herb

the Magas and the Papas

Earth, Wind & You're fired

Supertrump

8y/o: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dad: Why?

8: To get to an idiot's house.

D: ???

8: Knock, knock.

D: Who's there?

8: ... The chicken.

(I don't think he made this one up, but it made me laugh and I'd never heard it!)

You've heard of Pop Tarts. Why are there no Mom Tarts?
Because of the pastryarchy.

Which game did Aladdin used to play with his pet monkey?
Peek Abu

On a roll today!
I'm on a roll today!

Watching Frozen with the wife and kids.

Anna sings, "Why have a ballroom with no balls?"

Me: Oh! I know the answer to that! Its because it's not a secure location!

Wife: *dumbfounded look* What?

Me: Yeah, it's not very secure if anyone can Waltz in there.

Wife: "OH MY GAWD!!!"

Me: 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Just got my husband with this one
There’s an IKEA desk I want to buy for my loft studio and am about to go out to get it. I lamented however that I will then need to carry a 24kg box up three flights of stairs. He said that when I get back I can pick him up and he’ll help.

‘But you’re heavier than the box’.

Thankfully he found that amusing.

Someone in my family group chat mentioned meeting someone who lived in the South Pacific and had eaten dog, which was considered a delicacy
The chat then devolved into everyone offering their favorite dog dishes, including:

Pugs in a blanket

Lab Rangoon

German shepherd pie

Chicken poodle soup

An everything beagle with lox and cream cheese

Spanielkopita

And, for dessert, Boston Terrier Cream Pie

What would you all suggest?

Two kings and three queens came into my home, but there was barely enough room for everyone
It was a full house

My friend's last girlfriend threw every bill in the fireplace.
Her name was Bernadette

Hey, what's it called when you kill Garry Larson?
Far-a-cide!

A GUY DRESSED AS A “Wizard” said he’ll slowly turn me into a loaf of bread. I LAUGHED.
But now I’m starting to wonder

I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.

I took my friend Blair, mute since childhood, on a trip to Transylvania
She spoke again soon after Count Dracula introduced himself

What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesi-tater.

I was in a weather contest the other day
I was doing really bad but at least we all got precipitation trophies

Why does a one arm man wear a wrist watch?
It gives him a second hand

I told my wife we had to split up when I had to start on insulin injections…
The instructions clearly state “single patient use only”. She just looked at me and turned the bedside lamp off. I could tell she was delighted.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Nectarines

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man!

my never failing joke
I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

There are two HVAC companies in my town, and they sure don’t like each other.
It’s quite a heated rivalry.

Bakery.
I got cast in a film about a bakery.

It’s not a huge part…

Just a small roll.

Did you hear about the person who died by viagra?
What a hard way to go

Which Arab is good at maths?
Ali Gibra

We all know that six was afraid of seven b/c seven ate nine, but few people realize….
that 7 was scared too, for six eight ten.