My doctor told me it’s normal to get aroused and even ejaculate during a prostate exam
Still, I wish he hadn’t
Wife: “You need to do more chores around the house”. Husband: “Can we change the subject?”
Wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you".
Difference between a bad hunter and a constipated owl ?A bad hunter can shoot but can't hit
A constipated owl can hoot but can't.....
What do you call a man with a two-inch penis?
Justin
I didn't like the mirror my wife bought
But after much reflection I think we should keep it
Our entire calendar is based around when jesus was bornSeriously, we count years starting from his birth, without him we wouldn't have a point to fix our calendar from.
Jesus was born for our since
If two vegans quarrel with each other...
Is that still considered a beef?
The Coupon DilemmaA man rushed home to his wife, incredibly proud of himself."Honey, I saved five dollars today! I ran all the way home behind the bus!"
His wife looked at him, shook her head, and sighed."You idiot, why didn't you run behind a taxi and save fifty dollars?"
My local supermarket is raising the price of vodka by a penny tomorrow to $20
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's $19.99.
I've got a question for you all, but if you know the answer, don't shout out.
What's the opposite of in?
We’ve been calling them mashed potatoes this whole time
When we could have been calling them patétoes
The CEOs of Lancôme and Estée Lauder had a huge argument last week.
I think they’ll makeup soon.
Trees don’t seem to have any fun when going to a sawmill…
They always come out looking board.
I was bitten by a snake on holiday in Brazil.
No idea how it organized the trip, tbh.
The teacher calls in a student to have a talk"Larry I was looking at your essay called 'my dog' and the words in the essay are identical to your sister's essay. Can you explain?"
"Yes," Larry says. "It's the same dog."
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed
after 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evivdence
My date asked what I did for work. I told her I get paid to participate in sleep studies. She said, “That’s actually really cool!”
I’m like, “Yeah… it’s my dream job.”
what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
dam!
You can tell Donald Trump is a self-made man.He does everything himself. He pisses himself. He shits himself.
He can even go fuck himself.
I met a rather flatulant German the other day....
Hanz Beans
How the dish got its name
We were having Sunday dinner when my young grandson asked me how the chicken dish that we were eating got its name. I explained to him that years ago there was a Italian baseball player who loved to cook, and this was his favorite meal. I told him that he played for any teams and managed the Yankees! As a ball player, he was a catcher. I told him that his name was Joe Torre. Then my grandson remarked, so that’s why they named it Chicken catcher Torre. He gave us all a good laugh and I figured I’d be long gone before he figured out that I was lying to him.
My dad told me that everyone’s so scared by this salad stomach bug..
Even the church stopped saying “Let us Pray”
What do you call an Irishman who uses stolen money to start a laundry business?
Launder O'Mat
What does a hot dog use for protection?
Condoments
A little person psychic fled from the police
Now they are a small medium at large
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