Rofkar Computer Sciences

Why is bread like the sun?
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck.
I

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now.

I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask…

If I bought an axe from Finland and had it shipped to Canada,
I would have a foreign axe sent🙂

A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road"

Very proud of my son for this one
After I commented on how big he's getting, he replied

'maybe it's because you've been taking me to the growcery store'

He's 8

What do you call a cow that can’t give milk?
An udder disappointment.

Doctor: “We’ll have your diagnosis soon. We’re just waiting on your X-Ray.”
Woman: “But we broke up 9 years ago!”

If Las Vegas is Sin City
What is Cos City and Tan City?

I don’t really care for coffee
It’s not my cup of tea

What do you call a famous musician with yellow skin?
Elton Jaundice

When I was much younger, I played in a band.
Our name was The Hinges.

We always opened for The Doors.

Dad Jokes to compete with supervisor
Long story short my supervisor likes to do a dad joke before every shift and likes to challenge everyone to have a better one so I need some to throw back at him. Send the best ones ya got no setup or punchlines just straight and direct ones please

what does a cow say when its hurt?
"c-ow!"

I found out that the library is the tallest building in town
It has the most stories..

Heather and Marie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.
Marie is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Marie cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day,” replies Heather.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

"Dad, I can't find Mom in the house. Do you think she's on the roof?"
I consider that *highly* unlikely.

(Actual conversation with my 8-year-old this evening.)

You know why you should always buy the smaller bottle of bleach?
Cuz it's a little cleaner

If someone calls you fat, ignore them...
You're much bigger than that.

What do you call it when JK Rowling visits the ocean?
Surf 'n' TERF

I saw a man shred 5 lbs of cheese in under 30 seconds
It's the gratest thing I've ever seen.

I hired a scary monster to cut my grass.
Beast mowed.

you probably don’t know how to get rich in the field of metallurgy.
I don’t know either but you can start by mining your own bismuth .

Welcome to the Prosopagnosia Support Group.
I’m seeing a lot of new faces.

What's so great about elevators?
They're uplifting.

My phone battery and I have something in common.
We both lose energy when people ask too much from us.