How do you find a blind man on a nudist beach?
It’s not that hard…
A möbius strip walked into a bar sobbing loudly. The bartender asked, "What's wrong?" The möbius strip replied..."Where do I even begin?"
Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar
It'd be a Ford Oar two-door
Two chilly Inuit were sitting in a kayak. When they lit a fire in the craft to warm up, it sank,
proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Daughter came up with this one: "what do you call a dog who offers help without being asked?"
a VolunTerrier
The Chinese man who invented the camera lens has passed away.
Rest in peace, Zu Min.
Spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day
Was the least I could do for him.
What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?
It Hertz!
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit, so I told her that they.../r/DadJokes Dance.Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he didn’t have any body to take.
She asked if I was single.
I knew that could mean only one thing...
Grand Dad in front of the TV with his beer: “Starting a war while defending peace is kind of an oxymoron.”Then, immediately after that, a certain political figure begins to speak.
Grand Dad : "And here comes the regular moron !"
We exchanged a quick glance in silence, I nodded, and went to get him another beer.
A daughter once asked, "Why is your hair white?"Mom said, "Every time you're bad, it loses its light."
The girl looked at Grandma and whispered in fright,
"Wow, Mom, you must have been a real terror at night"!
I would like to be frank with all of you..
But then I'd have to change my name.
Why does Beethoven detest chickens so much?
Whenever he asks them who their favorite composer is, they all say Bach.
I just saw a cute couple going into the gym.
I'm sure they'll work out
What do you call a twelve-inch poop?
A footstool.
A programmer’s wife tells him, "Go to the store and get a loaf of bread." "If they have eggs, get a dozen."He returns with twelve loaves of bread.
She asks why, and he says, "Because they had eggs."
Why are leopards so bad at hiding?
Because they're always spotted.
I recently swapped all the labels on my wife's spice rack, she hasn't noticed yet
But the thyme is cumin.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
do you know the difference between tissue paper and sandpaper?“no?”
then you should probably stay away from sandpaper.
Angry wife
For some reason that I can’t fathom, my Mrs has got the right hump with me for some reason. We were watching the Dukes of Hazard rerun on the telly this afternoon and all I said to her was that she was the double of Daisy Duke, she replied aww that’s lovely to hear what makes you say that? I said well Daisy Duke is a size 10 and you’re a size 20, and she exploded like a box of fireworks, I just haven’t a clue what is up with her.
What was the shepherd's favorite musician?
Ed Sheeran!
What is it called when an alligator has brain damage?
A reptile dysfunction
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