A famous chocolatier developed a new product line with 50% less moisture
Dryer Lindt
What do you call a parrot that can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
My kid took the drill thinking it would be a fun toy.
He eventually got bored with it.
Big news!
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda?Best Buy employee: A cord?
Me: No it's a Civic.
I had the snip because I didn't want anymore children...
But when I got home they were still there.
Why is the letter E the only letter to receive gifts from Santa?
The other letters are not e.
My girlfriend is leaving me after I stood on her glasses and broke them.
She said, " I can't see you anymore."
WANTED: Someone to brush their teeth with me.
because 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone will not prevent cavities.
Why did the man name his dogs timex and rolex
They were watch dogs
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it
If Darth Vader always wears a mask, how does he eat?
He is force fed.
This coffee shop got my order wrong! They gave me the wrong creamer, the wrong flavor, the wrong size...
They even got my name wrong!
My friends keep telling me about how he can print a gun with his 3D printer.
I’m not impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Got fired from the Viagra factory after being accused of stealing.
Guess they don’t want hard workers…
A disgruntled wife approaches her programmer husband.‘You know, sometimes I think you like programming more than you like me’, She says to him.
‘My darling’, he says in response. ‘In my array of interests, you are number [1]’.
Why did the communist fail school?
He got bad Marx.
Why is the shower head so happy?
Every naked person he sees turns him on
It's tough to make a fortune in sales
My plush grappling hooks never caught on, my robotic fitness trainer never worked out, my plan to refurbish and resell oversized beach sandals was a big flip flop, and now trading Will Ferrell DVDs for cow skins across the border has me running Elf or leather all the time....
How was Swedens best tennis player created?He was Bjorn.
Haha I'll see myself out
I have a joke about anxiety
But I am worried you wont like it...
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam 🧀😂
What happened to the chicken that didn't make it across the road?
It became a poultrygeist
Went for dinner on the USS Alabama last night.
The food was Sub-standard
The Marlboro Man just showed up at my house, bearing gifts.
It turns out he was my Cigarette Santa.
top
