I recently found out that dad jokes have to use the letter “D”.
Otherwise, it’s just a joke.
Me and my buddies started a rock band, and we’re gonna call ourselves “The National Debt.”
We’re gonna be HUGE!
Me and my all male buddies just formed a band that only plays hits from female singers.
We're called "Thats What She Said."
Do you know why people say "hold your horses"?
It's because they want you to be stable.
My wife asked if I ever think back to the one place we used to park and make out.
I said, “Of course, but it’s a lot to ponder.”
If having sex for money makes you a whore...
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?!
My greatest contribution to humor was when I got a lizard to stand up on its hind legs.
It was the world's first stand up chameleon.
What do you do, if a friend of doesn't love fruit puns?
You let the mango.
I tried the best I could to convince the female Ski Instructor I was dating to keep our relationship intact
But the conversation snowballed far too quickly.
I like to talk to oranges
They’re pretty well rounded
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a really scary movie starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt
My grandma’s band just won Best Music Group ....
They won the Grannys!
My ears aren’t ringing right now, but I know they will be at bedtime.
I have tonightus.
Why can William Shakespeare never get into the club?
He’s Bard
When ever I talk to Spanish people I like to use the word mucho.
It means a lot to them.
BREAKING: Russia has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Atlantic Ocean, killing all 350 aboard
Whoops, wrong Sub!
Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring the boos.
I have a pen that can write underwaterWow, really?!
Yeah, it can write other words too, though
What's a marsupial's favorite drink?
Coca-Koala!
To be frank..
I'd have to have a different name.
How do you spot Cruella de Vil at a science convention?
She's the one in the Lab coat.
Fire at will
But he's not here 😕
I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting trolleys.
He must have been pushing 70.
Not many people know this, but I actually studied Dad Jokes in college.
I majored in sighchology.
Education Department lays off roughly 20% of its workforce amid shutdownThat'll teach'em!
(If you're affected by this shutdown keep your head up, you'll get through this)
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