The first 3 letters of 'Sweden' and 'Denmark' spell out 'Sweden.'
The remaining letters spell out 'Denmark.'
The inventor of Velcro passed away last week.
RIP.
I don't like computer science jokes.
Not one bit.
Why is Vader called Lord?
Because calling him "Master" made all of the Stormtroopers giggle.
I woke up from a dream that a female horse charged at me
What a night-mare
Where's the best place to find a wedding DJ?
Wikiwikipedia.
Without nipples
Boobs would be pointless
Whats water's chemical formula?
H I J K L M N O
H to O
I asked the bank manager why they keep denying me a home loan. I said, “It’s because my job pays me in soothing succulents, isn’t it?”
He said, “Exactly… we consider that aloe income.”
I just read a book entitled " how to survive falling down a staircase"
It's a step by step guide published last fall.
“I’v just started dating this amazing sexy woman who’s an advocate of the Metric system”
“Oh, where did you meter”
Have you heard about Chris Pine's wife, Sue?
She's really laid back.
Did you hear about the chronic masturbator who passed away?
He died after three strokes
I just found out my new neighbor is European...
He's having a meter sale this weekend.
What was the last thing Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
Let’s see how far I can kick this bucket
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectator.
A baby buffalo went to his mother and came out as bisexual to her.
He's a bi-son now.
I walked past a Vietnamese restaurant today...
...called Pho de Nguyen. Took me sec, but I got it. Ftw!
I got attacked by one, three, five, seven and nine.
The odds were against me.
The Dalia Lama went into a pizza shop and asked…
Can you make me one with everything?
The initial consultation with our fertility doctor was conveniently over video. At the end of the call I said, “Too bad we can’t get pregnant this way.”
The doctor said, “Yeah, for that you’re going to need to come in person.”
I saw an army of babies walking down the street this morning.
I think it was the infantry.
A true dinner time storyTonight, we were eating burgers, and one of my kids decided to try to look into the hole in the ketchup bottle.
Kid: “Why can’t I see into the ketchup bottle?”
Me: “Because you wear glasses.”
Kid: “Why does that matter?”
Me: “Because Heinz-sight is 20/20!”
Wife: huge eye roll
It was glorious!
In Common...What does a zoo college have in common with the human brain?
They both have a hippo-campus!
Why did the beans move to Australia?
Because they wanted to live in Cairns!
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