To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now.
What do you call a little boy who is half French and half Scottish?
A oui lad.
A boy is getting ready to take his date to the prom.First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the store and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits a long time but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
My family recently discovered Grandpa is taking Viagra
We were all rather surprised, but Grandma has been taking it hard
Despite having the word 'quit' in its name
Mosquitos are very persistent
In England it's called a lift, but in America it's called an elevator.
I guess people are just raised differently.
I'm thinking of opening a zoo
I'll need 12 koalas, 5 pandas, and at least 1 grizzly. That's the bear minimum
My husband asked if I knew the name of our galaxy. I said Milky Way. Then I asked if he knew the name of our son.
It’s Jack.
The heat-wave is pretty intolerable, but it's just the start.
If we're not careful it could be a heat-hug next time, maybe even a heat-why-dont-you-come-inside.
I tried to tell the cashier a joke!
But it didnt seem to register!
My father advised me to register for my donor card.
A man after my own heart
How does a redhead answer a loaded question?
Gingerly
Three things I love in life are:
Eating my family and skipping commas.
Why was the archaeologist so depressed?
His career was in ruins !
What’s a World Cup player’s least favorite sweater?
A yellow cardigan.
My friend constantly brags that his homemade deli sandwiches are better than mine.
I’m getting tired of him Reuben it in my face.
My wife: "You promised to stop with the Darth Vader quotes after we got married"
Me: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."
My aunt bought a shawlIt was only 5 dollars.
"Thats a steal," my mother said.
I replied, "No mum, thats a stole."
I tried to climb a really tall tower in France!
But Eiffel off!
Look, I know it’s tempting, but let’s avoid making any jokes about war.
They tend to bomb.
Why did the vegan couple seek out relationship counseling?
They had developed an impossible beef between them
What you call an airline full of bald people?
Receding Airlines
A coma in a sentence can make a huge difference. For instance,“Let’s eat, Bob.”
has a completely different meaning from
“Bob is in a coma.”
I drove by the beach last night…
I drove by the beach last night and noticed these ladies dancing in a circle wearing black robes around a fire pit chanting. One had a pig and another had a block of cheese. That’s when I realized they were ham and cheese sand witchs.
Why didn't Indiana Jones go into the strip club?
He could clearly see it was a booby trap!
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