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Monday, September 21, 2026

Humor

Get a Life! / Audio / Headlines

Get a Life!

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Audio

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Headlines

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...
Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.
My girlfriend crashed our car this morning.
When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.

The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

i like to throw soy sauce at sad people ...
you know, Kikkoman when he's down
I got fired from the clock factory.
I thought putting in extra hours was supposed to be a good thing.
My neighbour banged on the wall at 4:30am this morning!!!!
Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.

They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"

I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

Current AI-models are closer to PhD-level intelligence
The next release we should expect them to be as intelligent as someone who decided not to do a PhD
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
If you guessed R, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Everyone knows a pirate's first love is the C.

Scientists have discovered a new type of Polar Bear!
It exists in both the Arctic and Antarctic, it suffers from depressive episodes with moments of excitation and is sexually indiscriminate.

They've called it the Bi-Polar, bipolar, Bi Polar Bear.

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?
They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
I’m not saying I’m old, but
I can remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
My daughter wants a purse but I don’t think she’s ready.
Does that make me an antipurseparent?
The clerk at the DMV asked how I pronounce my last name.
I said, “Oh, I use a combination of my vocal cords, tongue, and lips.”
What do you call it when theres 2 places to park your boat, but theres never any space available?
A very frustrating pair o' docks
What’s a scarecrow’s favourite fruit?
Strawberry
That's a great ham you got there
It would be shame if someone put an S in front and E behind it.
I just saw this fella going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet.
I thought: “He’s pushing his luck!”
If you cut off your left arm,
Your right arm will be left.
The word Queue is pronounced like the letter Q
The rest of the letters are just waiting there.
What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A flossiraptor.
What’s your dad’s favorite key on a keyboard?
Who knows, but it isn’t Return.
I bought a smart fridge.
It now knows exactly how disappointed I am every time I open it at 2 a.m.
I told my wife I was going to make a dramatic exit. She said, “Okay.”
Now I’m standing outside waiting for her to notice.
tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament.
It was a complete disaster. Good players are really hard to find.
Found a bottle of belgian beer in my teenager's room
I asked: "What do you have to saison?"
My uncle had to get his Guard Card for his job at the Salem Potion Store
You could say he’s a Registered Hex Defender.
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"The right to be left alone...the right most valued by civilized men" - Louis Brandeis

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