Rofkar Computer Sciences

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

A blonde was at the bar watching the 6:00 news when a guy was about to jump off a bridge. A guy saw her and said I’ll bet you $100 he jumps. She takes the bet. He jumps and the guy said I can’t take your money I saw it on the 5:00 news.
She hands him the $100 and says so did I, but I didn’t think he was going to do it again!

A cop asked me, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
I told him, "I was just trying to keep up with traffic."

He looked around and said, "There is no traffic."

I replied, "That’s how far behind I am!".

What do you call a teacher that doesn’t fart in public.
A private tooter

Anyone know any fish puns?
Let minnow!

My wife asked me, “Do you think our kids are spoiled?”
I said, “No, I think they are supposed to smell like that.”

Where do Storm Troopers sit when they go to church?
The Pew, Pew, Pew…

First Down. Quarterback. Touchdown.
...

I apologize for the offensive language, y'all.

At dinner, my date leaned in and said, “Tonight I’m gonna do you 3, 5, or 7 times.”
I said, “I like those odds.”

My girlfriend and I are like fresh spaghetti
We have a strained relationship

Definitive list of “no arms no legs” jokes
Please only comment jokes to add to the list

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art

What do you call a father with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Pop Art

What do you call an extremely handsome man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Fine Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall who can’t get a job? Applied Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs and no tongue hanging on a wall? Tasteless Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with an erection hanging on a wall? Performance Art

What do you call a naked man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Body Art

What do you call 10 men with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art Gallery

What do you call 5 men with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall that only vote democrat? Liberal Arts

What do you call a soldier with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art of War

How much did a pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer!

A cop pulls over a nuclear physicist…
And asks if he knows how fast he was going.

The physicist states “no, but I knew were I was!”

So sad news, my girlfriend broke up with me for having a small wiener
Its ok.. I was never really that into her

Man, the bar for making good jokes has been lowered so much...
3 guys just walked into it

What you call a man with a rubber toe who can't find his car?
Roberto Carlos

Point of the joke.
What you have to do is point your finger at somewhere in the room or at a building and say to whoever you are with “did you know that nail up there is put, your age years old “ example I’m 66, so I would point at wall of church and say did you know that the nail up there is 66 years old and when they say what nail you reply the one on the end of your finger. Then wait for the groaning to begin.

How are the reviews for the new Michael Jackson biopic?
They're bad. They're bad. They're really, really bad.

What do you call the head of the Untouchables when he’s smoking weed?
You’re High Ness

I like spices
My wife asked me why I was sprinkling thyme on her chest.

Well honey, you know I love a good spice rack.

What do you call a dad who carries spare pacifiers???
Justin Casey Howls.

When an eel hits your eye, you feel electrified.
That’s a moray.

What do you call a forest full of toilets?
Toilet-Trees

What does Bugs Bunny say when he gets off his boat?
What's up dock?

How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles