Why was my post removed?Can someone please tell me why my post was removed?
I’m very frustrated because now my fence has fallen over.
An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam.The doctor gave him a jar and said, "Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow." The next day the man returned to the office and handed him the jar, which was as clean and empty as the day before.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained,
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then my left, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left—nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too—first with both hands, then an armpit, she even tried squeezin' it between her knees—but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open!"
Wife, "Why are you making pancakes for the dog?"
Me, "Because he doesn't know how."
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?" I pondered for a while and replied...
"No, it doesn't."
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper??
fizzician
I asked my therapist why I’m so scared of fruit.
She said, “It’s probably because of some deep berried trauma.”
Did you hear a disgruntled employee burned down the toilet paper factory?
When the cops hauled him in, he shrugged and said, “I was sick of all the crap they gave me every day… so I finally wiped the place out. And trust me, there’s zero paper trail.”
I invented a new game. Quiet tennis
Just like regular tennis but without the racket
I've run out of toilet paper so I've started using old newspaper...
the Times are rough
To all my Spanish speaking friends out there, I just want to say 'mucho'...
...because I know it means alot to you
I saw a bunch of donkeys, but they ran away from me
Then I saw a bunch of asses
What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
An infantry!
I can't milk a cow for the life of me.
I'm an udder failure.
Shania Twain’s hometown just named a new building after her.
The Twain Station.
At the federal reserve a coin press broke down but they can't find out why.
The mechanic says: "It just doesn't make any cents."
My teenage son was throwing a party in the backyardIt was nothing too crazy so I told him to be responsible and went to bed.
However, by the time the sun came up they were still going. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they’d also turned the music up so loud that you couldn’t hear yourself speak and there were thick clouds of smoke in the air from all the drugs they were doing. I was furious.
And so I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs “What’s going on?”
A bear is coming towards the campsite. So I'm putting on my running shoes.
I know I won't outrun the bear, but I at least need to outrun the other campers.
Beer can damage your short term memory
But so can beer
If a girl is standing outside my house,
can I say, she is outstanding ?
You know which actor I find cheesy?
Ray Romano
Do you know the vegan capital of the UK?
Nothingham
Why was the laptop cold?
Because its Windows was open!
Two lawn care guys were feuding
They were just a couple of mow foes.
An archaeologist found a 2000 year old oil stain.
Ancient Grease.
My tire blew out and I can't get to work!
Guess I'll have to retire.
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