Rofkar Computer Sciences

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods.
But harder to deter gents.

My wife looked out the window and asked, “How did you finally get our lawn to grow like that?” I said, “Every morning this week, I sprinkled my protein powder on the wet grass.”
She nodded. “Ah… well that was whey over dew.”

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter

I crossed cheetah and crab DNA.
It went sideways really fast.

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer
.

Thereisnospacebar.

Rice-shaped pasta? Doesn't exist
Orzo I thought.

Did you hear about the Transformer who's move is to just play dead until the trouble blows over?
Opossumus Prime.

Who designs all the buildings in the oceans?
Sharkitects.

What's the worst series to make a Lego version of?
One Piece

Grandson joke
He was sooo excited

Grandson. Grandpa! Why do ducks have feathers?

Me. To keep them dry and warm?

Grandson. No- so you don’t see their butt quack.

Both of us rolling on the floor laughing

I started brewing my own beer, Lumberjack
It's a lager

Due to inflation, my ADHD diagnosis has been changed
Now I have ADSD with ads

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A necktarine!

What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones

What’s a good last name for a Bear
Withmeplease

My neighbor had help from a demon to pickle some cucumbers.
She made a dill with the devil

Why do they get excited when the phone rings in Hawaii?
It’s always potential spam !

A guy comes into the doctors office with both of his ears burned
The doctor asks, how did this happen. The man says “I was ironing and the phone rang, so I mistook the iron for the phone.” Puzzled, the doctor asks, “well then how did you burn the other ear?” “The phone rang again” says the man.

IT IS MILDLY SHOCKING that those who call themselves a FLORIST,...
...know ABSOLUTELY nothing about installing linoleum.

A male e-reader and a female e-reader went to couples therapy.
In hopes to rekindle that relationship.

I made a joke about Sigmund Freud.
But some people are too Jung to understand it.

What’s the difference between a foot and a yard
You can’t shit on your neighbor’s foot in the middle of the night.

How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the W

I set my ringtone as ska music
It really reminds me to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.