The internet connection at the farm is really sketchy, so the farmer moved the modem to the barn.
Now they have stable wifi.
Why vampires don't cause unwanted pregnancies?
Because they can't come inside uninvited!
My uncle has a stutter and went to prison…
I’m afraid he’ll never finish his sentence
My son hit me with a Dad Joke so strong I had to sit down.So I’m making breakfast this morning and I ask my son,
“Want scrambled or fried?”
He looks me dead in the eye and says:
“Whichever one is egg‑cellent, father.”
I was about to ask two leopards to switch seats with me and my wife
My wife said don’t bother, they never change their spots.
An accident at the Kodak factory has exposed millions of dollars worth of film to light rendering it worthless.
More details as they develop.
What happens if you slide down a grassy hill in Spain?
You get a gracias.
Microsoft is bundling Microsoft Flight Simulator with Copilot
It's a really boring game now called "Microsoft Passenger."
Our town legalized pot but banned alcohol.Our town legalized pot but banned alcohol.
Residents are left high and dry.
Adam and Eve
were the first humans to ignore Apple’s terms and conditions.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Doesn’t matter. She ain’t gonna come anyway.
My wife and I were arguing over the term for a medieval soldier.
It was getting late though so we called it a knight.
Homework (longish)
A boy had a pet dog who he loved very much. The dog was named Pudding because he was a little on the pudgy side. One day in math class he was given the homework assignment to prove that “the sum of two odd numbers is always an even number”. The boy was able to do the assignment and proudly left it on the breakfast table, to show his parents and to make sure he would not forget it the next day.
In the morning, the paper was gone and the bits near the dog’s bowl clearly showed the dog had legitimately ate his homework.
At school, when the teacher asked where his assignment was, the boy said “The proof is in my Pudding”
If Wonder Woman married Howard Hughes, divorced him and then married Henry Kissinger,
If Wonder Woman married Howard Hughes, divorced him and then married Henry Kissinger, she would be Wonder Hughes Kissinger now.
Why did the clarinet player keep his Chinese wrinkle puppy on a short leash near traffic?
So his sharpei wouldn’t Bb
Knock knock.
I want to hear your best answers!
I have a knack for admitting my own weaknesses.
It's a strength of mine.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
Doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
A friend of mine told me that he can throw a frisbee 100 yards and his dog can go get it and bring it back.
I told him that's pretty far fetched but ok....
I gave my daughter a locket for her sixteenth birthday.
Now she is independent.
In conversation with a guy I met, he was kind of secretive about his work, saying only that it was strictly underground
Turns out he’s in culvert operations.
An Apple, an Orange, and a Strawberry were best friends and after being in the orchard all day they were in the habit of going to a nearby bar for a few drinks. This caused marital discord with the Strawberry and his wife left him.For several months following, whenever they went to the bar, the Strawberry would weep uncontrollably. The bartender (a Banana) would serve them until they were done and then they’d leave.
Finally, one day the Orange asked the Banana, “What is it with the Strawberry? I get it that he’s sad, but it’s been months now - get over it!”
The bartender leaned in and whispered, “Don't you know?Strawberry feels forever…”
I tried to catch fog yesterday.
Mist.
A heavy equipment manufacturer decides to no longer use Anthropic as an AI provider
Is that the same as getting the CAT de-Claude?
Listen up: I want to become the Invisible Man, but I will NOT use my powers to spy on people
I just want to make myself perfectly clear.
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