Rofkar Computer Sciences

Where do bad rainbows go?
​

To prism.

It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

did you hear about the guy who dunked his balls in glitter?
pretty nuts.

I have a joke about a girl who only eats plants
But you probably never heard of herbivore

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump said he did it and they all clap in the dark

My wife wants to use kilometers instead of miles but still use inches instead of centimeters.
I told her I wouldn't meter halfway.

How do you tie your shoes in outer space?
With astro-knots

What do you call two men sitting on a window?
Kurt n Rod.

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger
Then it hit me

Just as Count Dracula was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open and a host of furious villagers stormed in, waving blazing torches and shouting dire threats.
The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from
them.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid citizen of some fifty years, but looking older, as though wracked by years of grief.
“For your many crimes against the people, we have come to bring you judgment!"

The dread vampire lord gave a low, mocking laugh. "Buffoon!" he snorted, "there is nothing you can or dare do to me!"

"You are wrong," declared the burgomaster. "We have prepared well -- aided by the wise advice of our honored visitor -- and it is you who will find there is nothing you can do. We have garlic, mirrors,
the Holy Crucifix, the Host, the holy water and a specially large axe prepared for you. Seize him!"

At once the Count was seized by the brawny arms of half a dozen of the townsfolk, while the crowd parted to reveal a particularly burly man, head shrouded in a hood of black velvet and who was holding
a massive headsman's axe firmly in his two knotted hands.

Screaming in rage, the Count was swiftly pinioned with his head on the block as the burgomaster leaned forward, his face creased in pain and fury.

"Your time is come, monster! Only one thing can save you now - the location of all the treasure you have plundered from our town over the centuries!"

Despite the danger of his perilous position Dracula laughed "So we come to the true purpose of this charade -- pure naked greed. You will get no treasure from me!"

"Then your head shall be cut off
on the count of three," answered the the burgomaster. "Headsman, raise your axe, and prepare to strike."

"You are bluffing!" sneered the Count. "The treasure is where you will never find it!"

"One"

"Cut my head off and the treasure is lost for ever!"

"Two"

"I defy you, burgomaster! I defy you!"

"Three!"

"Wait! It is in the --"

Even as the vampire's nerve broke, the heavy axe was swinging down and could not be halted, and with one clean strike the headsman took off Count Dracula's head.

There was a gasp from the crowd at the realization that in another second they would have known where the treasure was, but the burgomaster drew himself up.

"Have no fear," he said, "we have ample leisure to search, and we are sure to find the treasure with care and patience."

He could not, however, suppress a slight flicker of apprehension at the thought that the Count might have told the truth.

And so it proved when a month later he was forced to admit it after they had turned over every stone in Castle Dracula, with never a sign of the treasure.

van Helsing nodded philosophically. “I feared it would be so," he said. "You see, you should never hatchet your Count before he chickens."

A King and a Queen walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says...

"Sorry, but you're not 21."

My French friend doesn't like his passort. Under "Place of birth", it says:
Born: Toulouse.

One evening a farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed two buckets to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of it.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The farmer frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator.”

I just won $1 billion in the lottery and gave a quarter of it to charity!
I don’t yet know how I’m going to spend the other $999,999,999.75, though.

I used to be able to play the guitar by ear
Nowadays I just play with my hands.

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was?…
…it was a complete guess, but I was right!

Every time I create a profile on Reddit it gives me a vampire-related username.
Guess something's up with the Create Account button.

What genre are all National Anthems?
Country

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage.
I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still
kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail.

I even hurled a bag of carrots but nothing would stop it.

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

Salesman.
Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, "Dad, there's a salesman here with a mustache!"
I yelled back...
"Tell him I've already got one!"

I've always wondered if Popeyes chicken …..
is made with Olive Oil

My dishwasher is making this high pitched whining noise.
Probably because I'm not helping her with the laundry.

How much does a rainbow weigh?
It's pretty light.

I highly recommend Nolan’s new film.
You really Odyssey it.

what do you call a turkish robot?
a auto man

I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant…
.. but then I changed my mind