77% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 33% of intelligent people.
on his deathbed, a bald man made his kids promise to replant any trees cut down in the nearby forest...My hair is gone for good," he whispered, "but we must protect the trees so the forest never ends up as bare as my head."
His children kept the promise, and for centuries, generations of his family replanted every tree that fell, keeping the forest lush and green.
All thanks to one man and his re-seeding heirline.
What does LGBTQIA+ stands for?
There's no straight answer
William Shatner has purchased his last Nissan truck
"it's the final Frontier" states Shatner
What's brown, and rhymes with snoop?
Dr dre
Did you hear about the guy who baked himself into a giant French baguette?
He was in a lot of pain.
A friend of mine attempted to mate a male deer with a female cheetah.
He was trying to make a quick buck.
"Son, if you're thinking of getting married, consider this before you do. On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring."
"On the other hand, you don’t!"
Did you hear about the war between Old Navy and H&M?
It was horrible. There were so many casual tees.
There’s a new ridesharing app in Russia
It’s called Pickup Andropov
When the nurse said she’d be back with my flu vaccine, I asked if I could have it with the lights off. She said, “Um… I’ll have to check if we’re allowed to do that.”
I said, “Thanks. I know it’s a shot in the dark.”
I finally figured out how flamingos survive in the wild.
It’s because they have a leg up on the competition.
At one point, I was so desperate that I even dated a rock.
I determined it to be from the Paleozoic Era.
You can’t be a Cubs fan in St. Louis
It’s a Cardinal sin
Dad: When two people have sex, it's a twosome. When three people have sex, it's threesome
Son: Now I know why people call you handsome
I have girlfriends in many nations around this world.
Imagination, hallucination ...
They say food can't call
But then, onion rings
What do you call the mama cow after she gives birth to a baby cow?
De-calf-inated
Funny how posts are still tagged NSFW
As if any of us still got jobs.
I had to break up with my girlfriend after she kept correcting my misuse of “it’s” to “its.”
She was just being way too possessive for me.
How warm is a baby at birth?I don’t know…
Womb temperature.
Why are there no pain-killers in the jungle?
Parrots eat 'em all.
What do you call the security guards who work for Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
A terrible Koala joke to cheer up your dayMy little brother asked why a koala is a marsupial instead of a bear.
So I had to explain the strict koalafications required to become a marsupial.
You likely know what Murphy’s law is, but do you know Cole’s law?
It’s cabbage, carrots, mayonnaise, and salt all mixed together.
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