‘Tiny,' the man replies.
What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?'
‘Because...he's my newt.'
The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.
Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.
The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the meantime, Steve cares for her; keeps her sheltered, watered, fed and clean.
When the young woman finally comes to, Steve is shocked when he realises that she is actually Scarlet johansson.
It takes Scarlet another week or so to fully recover.
Once she does, they share their survival responsibilities equally. Steve is the better cook, Scarlet the better diver.
After a month or so, Scarlet begins to realise what a find Steve is.
He’s intelligent, unassuming, fit, not unattractive, caring, and he has made zero attempt to jump her.
Romance blooms.
Steve turns out to be an imaginative and enthusiastic lover.
Bliss reigns.
One night, some time later, while sitting around the campfire, Scarlet notices that Steve is a bit glum.
“Are you OK?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Steve says.
“No, you’re not, Steve. Something’s wrong. What’s wrong, Steve?”
“No, I’m OK. Really,” Steve says.
“Steve, if there’s something missing, something you need, I want to help.”
“I’m sorry, Scarlet, but you’d think I was really weird.”
“Weird!”, Scarlet exclaims. “I work in Hollywood. Steve, you have no idea. Please, let me help.”
“Are you sure?” Steve asks quietly.
“I’m sure,” Scarlet says. “What do you want me to do?”
“Well,” says Steve.
“Can you put on my cap and tuck your hair up in it?”
“Thanks. Now, can you take this piece of charcoal and use it to draw yourself a moustache?”
“Thanks. Now, do you mind if I call you Joe?”
“Joe?” asks Scarlet. “OK, you can call me Joe.”
A long pause in the firelight
“Joe,” says Steve.
“You are NOT going to believe who I’ve been sleeping with.”
The celery was unacceptable.
"Is it better to be loved than feared, or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved" - Nicolo Machiavelli, The Prince
