My Wife told me her Gynaecologist said we can't do it for six weeks.
I asked her "What did the Dentist say?"
I called my friend yesterday night at 10:30pm on phone, he said he was very busy, working on a special Project "Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium and Steel under a constrained environment".I was impressed.
Later I realized - he is washing dishes...under the supervision of his wife.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to her credit card bills?
Bernadette
Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I said to myself, "The streets seem strangely desserted".
I'm not saying that cosmetic surgery cured my depression
But it definitely put a smile on my face.
Why can't you starve in a Desert?
Because of all the sand which is there!
My daughter finally started looking for a job. I told her there's an entry level job that people are dying to get into and you start with 3000 people beneath you.
Working at the graveyard isn't for everyone though!
I went to visit the world's smallest wind turbine
Honestly? Not a big fan.
I quit my weightlifting gym
gave them a too weak notice
My wife asked if I would ever cheat on her.I told her "Of course not." That was the right answer. Following it up with "I'd do it on a bed of course." Was the wrong answer.
This couch is comfy though, maybe she should get an amendment...
I went to a dumpling restaurant the other day, but all the lights were really bright so I said to the waiter
dim sum
Why are drummers hesitant to respond to emails?
They are aware of the re-percussions.
What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
Kelvin Klein.
What do you call a book club that’s been stuck on one book for years?
church
Where do you find a murder of crows?
Wherever there is probable caws
One thing that always makes me throw up
is a dartboard on a ceiling
What do you call someone who buys budget-friendly beef?
A cheapsteak!
I’ve learned 25 letters of the alphabet
I don’t know Y
What is spelled incorrectly in the dictionary?
No it isn’t, incorrectly is
My half brother and I
are not allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.
What keys unlock a banana
Monkeys
I sat there wondering...
Why is that frisbee getting bigger? And then it hit me!
Just Eat have diversified into a fast food service just for babies.
They've called it Just Teat
What do you call a stick of dynamite that you detonate via smartphone?
ATNT.
I cross-bred cauliflower with watermelon
and now I have an overwhelming sense of meloncauli
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