I said she looked like a Brazilian.
(I had to explain this joke to my wife 😞...and she is Brazilian)
The hiring manager studies his résumé and looks impressed.
“James, this is outstanding.
Top schools, glowing references, years of experience.”
“Normally, we’d hire you on the spot.
But this job is very public-facing, and that constant winking might make customers uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry… we just can’t take the risk.”
“Hold on,” James says.
“If I take a couple of aspirin, it stops right away.”
“Really?
Alright, let’s see it.”
James reaches into his blazer pocket and starts pulling things out.
First one box of condoms… then another… then another in every color you can imagine.
Ribbed, flavored, glow-in-the-dark — the whole drugstore aisle.
Finally, at the very bottom, he finds a small packet of aspirin.
He swallows two tablets, waits a moment…
And just like that, the winking stops.
The manager folds his arms and frowns.
“Well, that’s impressive, but we run a respectable company here.”
“We can’t have one of our salesmen chasing women across the country.”
“Chasing women?” James says.
“I’ve been happily married for thirty-five years!”
“Then how do you explain all those condoms?”
James sighs.
“Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?
"Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you."
But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was surprised but decided not to pursue it.
Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years.
They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant.
Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face,
“Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was floored. “Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me."
Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye,
“Oh dear, don’t take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.”
Suddenly realizing their mistake, they scramble toward the platform. Two of them manage to sprint and leap onto the back of the moving train, but the third professor trips and is left standing on the platform, gasping for breath.
A bystander walks up to him and says, "Hey, don't feel too bad! Two out of three of you made it! That’s a pretty good success rate for academics."
The professor looks at the bystander with a look of pure distress and says, "You don't understand... those two were just here to see me off!"
It's a real souprice.
So I’m taking steps to avoid them.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." - M*A*S*H
