As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, and suddenly saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him!
He ran up the path as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was gaining on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and now the bear was even closer.
In his haste, the man tripped on a root and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”
“Very well,” said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
I said, “Just our No-Z neighbor.”
you call him ian
“I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied.
“You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He looked confused. “Then why are you here?”
“The light was on.”
After a few tough years, money gets tight, and they’re at risk of losing everything.
To save the farm, they decide they need a bull so they can start breeding their own cattle.
The older sister says, “I’ll take the bus to the livestock auction. You keep the pickup truck ready.
If I find a good bull, I’ll send you a message so you can come get me with the trailer.”
Off she goes, hoping to find a bargain.
At the auction, she finds the perfect bull.
The seller says, “Price is $599—take it or leave it.”
She counts her money, sighs, and hands it over, leaving herself with just one dollar.
She heads into town and stops at the old telegraph office.
“I need to send a message to my sister,” she says.
The clerk replies, “Sure thing, ma’am—99 cents per word.”
She pauses, thinking hard, then smiles.
“Alright,” she says, “send just one word… ‘comfortable.’”
The clerk looks confused and says, “How in the world will she know what you mean?”
The sister grins and says, “Oh, she’ll figure it out.
She’s not the fastest reader, so she’ll sound it out nice and slow…
com-for-da-bull.”
The old man repeats, louder this time, “I said I want to open a DAMN account!”
The manager comes over and asks what’s going on.
The teller says, “He keeps swearing!”
The old man says, “I just won 10 million dollars in the lottery and I want to put it in this damn bank!”
The manager smiles and says, “Oh, I see… and is this woman giving you a hard time?”
"In a nation full of children, it's hard to promote prosperity through hard-work, when you're running against Santa Claus" - Rush Limbaugh
