How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says he already did it and they all stand there clapping in the dark.
At the campfire last night I said, “How about I tell a spooky story?” My wife goes, “Please, honey, don’t. Every time you do it’s just about a ghost who has sex with an owl. It upsets the whole family!”
I said, “Well boo fuckin’ hoo!”
Got fired from my job as a masseuse.
Apparently I rub people the wrong way.
I asked my wife if sex is a chore to her
"Not really", She replied, "Chores make me feel satisfied afterwards"
I recently joined a nudist colony
The first few days were the hardest
I'm not an American, but I find some U.S. states funny.
I guess I like laughing at others' Missouri.
I took a pole recently.
100% of people don't like it when their tents fall down.
What’s the full name of the Wizard of Oz?
The Wizard of Ounce
Why do we change position , when its the same hole ?
I don't understand golf anymore.
I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive
My girlfriend lives 50 miles away
As my husband was making my morning coffee he spilt the contents of the portafilter on the floor...
I guess these are grounds for divorce.
I woke my wife up in the middle of the night to tell her that water was flooding into our garage and we needed to stop it. She looks at me and asks if I know how early it is.
I said it's about dam time.
Why did the Latino need medication?
For hispanic sttacks
What did the penis say to the condom?
'Cover me, I am going in'
There is something about the clitoris
I can't quite put my finger on it
Did you hear about the Janitor who became a Racecar driver?
His car goes "Broom Broom!"
Four earthworms usually play cards every evening. Tonight, John asks: "But where's Bob? He's not here!" And Harry replies:
"He's gone fishing."
A man fell into a meat grinder, becoming a sausage.
That's quite a dumb way to die, to be frank.
My buddy told me he works for an elevator companyIt's an up and down business
This all really just happened and I had to post it here 🤣🤣🤣
My Scottish friend gets irate when anyone talks smack about sheep.
I told him that sounds like a ewe issue.
Why do monsters not eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet!
At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode.
I asked, "Are you two an item?"
I was with my wife setting up her computer. I made the password "mydicK"
She laughed when the computer rejected it and said it was too short
A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate drinking.
He's got an eyepatch and a hook hand. The man asks: "If I buy you a drink, can you tell me how you lost your right hand?" The pirate says: "Sure! One time we were sailing in a storm, I fell overboard, and my right hand got stuck in a giant clam. A shark came along and bit off my hand—otherwise I would've drowned." The man is amazed by this incredible story, so he buys another drink and asks about his left eye: "How did you lose your left eye?" The pirate replies: "Well, one day I looked up at the sky, and a seagull pooped right into my eye." The man is a bit disappointed: "Your left eye went blind because of bird poop?" The pirate shakes his head: "Nah, that was the first day I got this hook."
My wife said I can't just make fun of thick chocolate confection because I think it's terrible.
For fudges suck.
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