My siblings and I went out to dinner with my dad
and we started talking about dad jokes we liked. All of a sudden my dad goes "I've only made 3 dad jokes my entire life and they're all sitting in front of me right now”
What do you call a Roman with a cold?
Julius Sneezer
I stepped off the plane after my flightI looked up at the sky and asked my phone surely it’s not going to rain??
My phone responded. Yes it is and don’t call me Shirley. !
That’s when I realized my phone was still on airplane mode !!
Courtesy of Joe Bob Briggs 😁
Dad got fired from the Transportation Department for stealing
I didn’t want to believe it, but when I went to visit, the signs were all there. . . (Sorry).
I wonder what my grandparents did to deal with boredom with only a few tv channels and no internet
My parents don’t know. I asked my 10 uncles and aunts and they don’t know either
What do you call a broken escalator? Stairs. A broken pencil? Pointless. A broken dishwasher?
I call mine Sarah. Its not my wife, I’m not sexist, I just like naming appliances. My fridge is called John
I had to stop giving ducks belly rubs.
It just made me feel down.
Where can you find a horse with no legs?
Right where you left it.
I was feeling a little playful yesterday...and said to my wife "Look. I haven’t worn this in 8 years and it still fits."
She said: "For God’s sake man, it’s a scarf!"
I have this fetish for large light switches.
They're such big turn ons.
What do you call a girl who collects snails, turtles, oysters and clams?
Shelly
What day do eggs hate the most?
Friday.
What do you call a potato with no feet?
A potato
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic
Why are Democrats anti-greenland?
Because its covered in ice.
"I would tell you a joke about..."I would tell you a joke about airplanes, but it would go over your head.
I would tell you a joke about vacuum cleaners, but it would probably suck.
I would tell you a joke about a broken pencil, but there's really no point.
I know lots of great jokes about cash machines but I can't think of one atm.
I tried to tell a joke about the guy who killed himself by jumping off the Empire State Building, but it fell flat.
I would tell you a joke about a ghost, but you'd see right through it.
I forgot my joke about boomerangs, but I'm sure it'll come back to me.
I would tell you a joke about chemistry, but I'm afraid it wouldn't get a reaction.
I know a joke about elevators, but it's wrong on so many levels.
I was going to tell you a joke about time machines, but you didn't like it.
Got any others?
I efficiently organized some items on my kitchen counter this morning
It was counterproductive
Police: I am looking for a man with one eye
Dad: if you use both eyes, you will find quicker.
How much do roofs cost?
Nothing, they're on the house!
What do you call a Roman with a cold?
Julius Sneezar
Cute comment from elderly man at Physical Therapy.
I was at Physical Therapy doing the arm bike when an elderly gentleman walked by me and said, “Whoa slow down! It’s slick out there!”
When the Pharaoh farted, it was very strange.
It was a Toot Uncommon.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
When does a regular joke become a "dad joke"?When the punchline becomes apparent.
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Hey dads (and the wannabe ones, too)!
I’m putting together a collection of jokes to cheer up some folks who are currently dragging their slippers through the mud of job hunting. I’m looking for your best, organic, "real life" dad jokes about work, interviews, resumes, or getting fired - anything related to the nightmare called work.
No AI-generated stuff, pleaaaase - I need the classics that make your kids roll their eyes and their friends make fun of them.
Really appreciate it! I'll compile the best ones and share the list back here for everyone to use.
Kid: "Dad, make me a sandwich!"
Dad: "Poof, you’re a sandwich!"
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