What do you call a criminal landing an airplane?
Condescending.
What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler
What do you call a Sith Lord that’s from the South?
Darth Y’all
"I'd like to buy a muffin with chocolate chips".
"Sorry, we only take cash".
I asked my wife to stop shaking the orange juice before she pours it, but she keeps doing it.
That’s so damn agitating.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food
What do you call a small green legume that rolls off your plate?
An escaPEA! (I’m here all week. Please tip your server.)
My mum's sister started making her own spreadsheets
She's Excel Aunt
I bought some coconut shampoo today
But when I got home, I realized I don't even have a coconut.
Got a solid groan on this one...
My daughter wanted me to take her shopping at "The Hot Topic" at the mall. I said that store is too edgy and we should go shopping at The Warm Subject instead. Waka Waka...
What is a word that starts and ends with the same letter, and has a little laugh in it?
You will smile when you realize that is the answer.
Wrestling is stupid.
It's just guys without pants, fighting for a belt.
I was once arrested for robbing a tire store
They charged me with armed rubbery
this halloween, my costume will be simply carrying a sausage in a beer mug.
i will be frank and stein.
When he took the Throne, the Prince demanded that only Red and Blue be used for his Coronation
Historians would later call it the "Purple Reign"
At brunch, I ordered a fruit bowl. The server said, “That comes with a biscuit, or if you’d like, I can give you a little quiche.”
I said, “That’s fine, but I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”
Someone swapped my antidepressants for Viagra
It's been a hard day to get through.
Monsters don’t like to eat ghosts because…
they taste like sheet
What do you call a cows knees?
A burger joint
My wife decided to try a home birth, unfortunately there were a lot of complications...
She had a midwife crisis.
What do you call a knight that loves playing video games with his friends?
Sir LANs-A-Lot
What do you call a harvest of dad jokes?
A corny-copia.
What kind of haircut do bees get?
A buzz cut!
How many ants can you fit in a rental property.
Ten. Ten ants.
Why can't the cat have control of the TV remote......
Because it will keep hitting the paws button.....
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