'Ok.Reach into your pocket' came the exasperated reply.
Sure enough a full package of his favorites were right there. But then he realizes he needs a light. He flicks his thumb at St. Peter asking for a lighter.
St. Peter says 'Here we go...!
Suddenly thousands of Angels begin singing, an epic parade of the Heavenly Host march towards him with all kinds of pomp and circumstance. Then at the end of the long line of drummers, flag bearers, and horn blowers, one little cherub brings his request on a tiny silken pillow.
The man, completely stunned by what just happened stares at St. Peter trying to get a clue and St. Peter shrugs says
"What'd you expect? It's a match made in Heaven."
Because they are always up to something
The sisters got to chatting and realised that their husbands were taking care of them all too well and not letting them do much work. So they decided to change that and set about doing odd jobs all over their houses to say thank you to their husbands for all that they do.
After painting her kitchen, the eldest sister went into labour and after a few pushes bore a baby apple, the second sister, after rewiring the garage, went into labour and gave birth to a baby banana, the 3rd sister, after landscaping the back garden, gave birth to a baby orange.
The sisters were all shocked and met together to congratulate their hard work and discuss their new babies. When the 3 brothers came home, they were welcomed in by the 3 sisters who said..
“Come, see the fruits of our labours.”
He hires a guide and the next day they get up bright and early and begin their adventure.
At some point the hunter has to use a commode.
He says to his guide, "Man, I really have to use the restroom. Where is it?"
The guide cracks up laughing, "Are you serious? We're in the middle of Wyoming and you're asking where the restroom is?"
"Well it's kinda an emergency." the hunter says.
The guide says, "You just hang your ass over that log over there. We're roughing it today, Sport!
So,the hunter does his business but realizes there is no toilet paper so he asks his guide, “What do I use to clean up with?
The guide says, “You got a dollar?”
The hunter says, "I do"
The guide says, "Just use that!"
The hunter comes back with poop all over himself. He was a disgusting mess.
The guide says, "What the hell, man. What happened to you?"
The hunter says, "You try cleaning yourself up with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!"
“Why do you look like you just lost a million dollars?”
He sighs and says, “I did something terrible today… I forgot your birthday.”
The wife crosses her arms. “You forgot my birthday?! That’s it. Tomorrow morning, I expect to see something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 100 in under 5 seconds.”
The husband nods nervously.
Next morning, the wife rushes outside… and sees a bathroom scale.
His job was to help the other monks copy the old church rules by hand.
After a few days, Daniel noticed something odd.
Every monk was copying from another copy, not from the original manuscript.
Daniel thought about it and became concerned.
“If the first copy had a mistake,” he said, “that mistake would be repeated forever.”
So he went to see the elderly head monk, Father Thomas, and explained his worry.
Father Thomas nodded slowly and said, “You make a very good point, my son.”
“I’ll go check the original manuscripts in the archive downstairs,” he said.
“They’ve been locked away in the vault for many years.”
Hours passed, and Father Thomas didn’t come back.
Daniel started to worry and went down into the dim stone cellar to find him.
Inside the vault he saw Father Thomas banging his head against the wall and crying.
“We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!”
Daniel rushed over in alarm.
“Father Thomas, what’s wrong?”
With tears in his eyes, the old monk looked up and groaned.
“The word was ‘celebrate!’”
"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel. Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are." - Nicolo Machiavelli, The Prince
